I cannot take it anymore

[jill]

Yes back to the shoe thing it is all beginning again sticker chart now failing and I am told by psychologist and OT it is ALL BEHAVIOR now what? I dread mornings I hate waking up especially on a school/work day when I have to get her moving everything is fine until shoe time. I am working so hard with school to help her build friendships and then she goes acts like a little idiot tantruming about the shoes kicking and screaming and I have to drag her out of the car into the building as she is behaving out of control. The hall monitor comes out to help and I feel like a fool and get depressed and begin to cry now. The kids in the area already see her as a weirdo and am I making it worse by forcing her but if i don't she will not get out of the car. Now I get to go to work depressed an worry about her all day feeling like a beat up loser.

[katiekat]

to you Jill. I do not have this particular problem but I understand the part about solutions that stop working. I also understand your frustration about how hard you are trying to help her "fit in" at school. I wish I had some answers for you but I struggle with this daily also. I have come to realize that there are just some things I cannot "fix" for Sean no matter how hard I try. I just keep thinking that there are things he will eventually outgrow. I hope you can find a way to make your mornings easier on the both of you.

[jj]

Oh Jill, I'm so sorry. I feel so horribly bad for you. I just don't have any suggestions but I'm going to scour the internet to see if there are any things that may help you.

All I can give you are big cyber hugs, for now.

[charliegirl]

I have been researching kids who want tight socks. There are other kids out there with a sensory issue who insist on wearing tight socks. Why specifically does the OT say its not sensory and is all behavior? I decided to look for anything I could find on that and what was being said about it. You can weigh what I've found and see if any of it sounds like that may be it.

Ok, things I have found on the internet about it. People have gotten seemless socks that are much smaller than their kids normally would wear and that has worked. You have to make sure they don't have a band or anything at the top which will cause loss of blood flow to that area as it can cause scarring.

Do they have to be all over tight? Spandex socks would be good for that. Does she complain about them being too loose and causing bunching anywhere? I can't stand socks myself if they don't fit snugly enough to not bunch up. If they are too long in the toe area or slide down her calf at all so they don't stay pulled up completely, they may end up bunching inside her shoe.

Has she been tested for an autism spectrum disorder? Many kids with the type of behavior you have talked about in the past and who have a need for tight socks end up diagnosed with aspergers. I'm not saying she has to have it but if you haven't had her diagnosed by a neuro who understands aspergers you may want to rule it out.

The last one I found sounds like a distinct possibility. One mom found out that her child had severe anxiety and was using the sock problem to to delay going to school. Does the sock issue affect her more when she is getting ready for school?

[lcdc1]

Boy you are just getting hit with everything these days, please hang in there, you all will figure this out I feel! Keep trying not to let her see you getting stressed, a reaction of you not being calm will feed into it maybe!

Hopefully the weather will turn good soon, so she does not have to wear socks! Does she like flip flops or sandals?

[carol]

jill,

How is she doing in school? May something is bothering her and she wants to avoid going?

I am really sorry you guys are having rough mornings. I know it is hard, but someone said something about trying to stay calm. I know it is easier said than done.

Years ago, I had to travel with my toddler son and 4yo daughter on a Septa bus. The ride was about an hour and I thought I was going to have to get a rope to hang myself from the bar the passengers hold onto everyday. They were horrible together and everyone stared on the bus. It began with the seating arrangements on the bus and ended with me yelling and looking like a crazed woman. I did not think it would ever get better. I knew from the looks of the regulars, we were "that mother and her 2 horrible kids" getting on the bus everyday. Years later, a woman stopped me and asked how my kids were. I said, "Do I know you?" She said she remembered me from that bus ride everyday. She said, "Your son was the one who always had to be holding something and your daughter was always mad. I laughed, because she described them to a tee. I know this story has nothing to do with your dilemma, but I thought you could use a good laugh.

I will pray for a peaceful commute for you and your daughter tomorrow.

[jill]

Annette has been tested in the Autism spectrum her psychologist took out the DSM book and showed me she does not meet all of the criteria. It is not a sox thing it is a shoe thing and why the OT feels it is behavior is because it should not affect her as much as she is carrying on also she walked in front of him in sox on rough concrete his parking lot. He said bad sensory kids would not be able to do that. I can consider the snugger sox however it would become the new "habit" once something has begun it is for life with her. She does not like her feet moving around in her shoes.

As for school I have been trying to ask her if anything is bothering her and the only answer i get is no one will talk to her. Her teacher is working on that along with the school Social Worker. What I am trying to teach her is it is her habits that hurt her the most like the constant nose picking (she does out of habit sometimes will get better than back to a problem again) and her acting like foolish over the shoe thing and she tunes me out. I try talking to her when we are alone and snuggling and she just says "it is a habit" and will tune out the rest. The kids in our neighborhood look at her like she is a freak why I take her to other parks or by the pool 2 miles from here for she can play with kids not from here. Where I live is called a village and we are part of a sub burb so we can go to their town pool. I am trying to deal with this before calling the psychologist. I have an appointment coming up with the school social worker in the family solutions center to discuss issues it is to help families in the district later this month.

[jill]

Just dragged her to school again and the same darn issue and I started yelling at her then changed tactics and hugged her close to me to try to reason with her. She did tell me 2 boys in her room are making noises around her on purpose thus making it harder to pay attention. She also told me no one talks to her and at lunch being a loner therefore she does not like school.

How do you save her from herself? By acting like a fool over the shoes and the nose picking how can one make friends? Yes I now had another good cry.

[jj]

Apr 1, 2008 6:28:55 GMT -5 jill said:

Annette has been tested in the Autism spectrum her psychologist took out the DSM book and showed me she does not meet all of the criteria. It is not a sox thing it is a shoe thing and why the OT feels it is behavior is because it should not affect her as much as she is carrying on also she walked in front of him in sox on rough concrete his parking lot. He said bad sensory kids would not be able to do that. I can consider the snugger sox however it would become the new "habit" once something has begun it is for life with her. She does not like her feet moving around in her shoes.

I don't buy that. I think each kid has different things they can't stand. Sometime that "meeting the criteria" drives me crazy. If a kid/adult meets the criteria for #1 and #2 then they have #1 and #2. Her shoes really do bother her. She has specific ways she wants her shoes to feel and that is that. I just don't buy into it being a behavior problem.

I'm still searching for something that may help you Jill. So far, no luck.

[misty]

Listen to this...I found it on another forum:

"we have a "ritual" where I put his socks and shoes on and says they feel wrong, pulls them off and I start over...we go through this like 10 times before he finally feels comfortable enough to leave them on.

I buy socks that a little too small for him because if they bunch up inside the shoe AT ALL he rips them off. I also go on a hunt for the "perfect" shoe...it needs to be loose enough for him to comfortably get them on his feet, but tight enough not to allow for too much wiggle room, does that make sense, lol?

Do any of you go through this? Is there anything I can be doing to "desensitize" his feet?

There were replies but they are long. The gist of it is that that mom is going to try the brushing technique.

"The Wilbarger Protocol (Wilbarger, 1991) is a specific, professionally guided treatment regime designed to reduce sensory defensiveness. The Wilbarger Protocol has its origins in sensory integration theory, and it has evolved through clinical use. It involves deep-touch pressure throughout the day. Patricia Wilbarger, M.Ed., OTR, FAOTA, an internationally recognized expert who specializes in the assessment and treatment of sensory defensiveness, developed this technique.

Heres an article explaining how to Brush:

www.ehow.com/how_2090234_body-brush-autistic-child.html


Another thing I found while researching......rock climbing shoes. The search terms I used brought up several rock climbing pages. Out of curiosity I read a couple & one thing it stated repeatedly is that rock climbing shoes are made to fit tighter than normal shoes. You might want to see if you can find her some if this continues.