Organization tips from ADHD me!

[rolypolyone]

lcdc1, I find that these are great tips and I thank you for writing them out, just one question. I find that anything I find that works to keep me organized works for awhile and then I slip up and everything gets unorganized. Got any suggestions on how to prevent the backslide?

[lcdc1]

practice, practice, practice and you will slip up, but if the process is good, you will easily pick it up when you get back on it. I have slipped many times, but each time seems easier to come back to it. You have to get organized externally, then work on the internal issues that keep you from sticking to a thing that works!

I find the internal organization the hardest to do because it involves emotions and the willingness to look at your own faults without getting defensive about it. If you were a kid with ADHD and the other defiant issues that go with it, defensiveness is a survival tool. That has to be cut down, torn apart and thrown out, and guess what - you act like a kid emotionally again until you give these processes a chance! If you got some sort of control in your adult life, it is scary to let it go (I just admitted I am scared! in public).

But, here is another tip if you are like me, sometimes my internal resistance makes me act like a 2 year old and makes it worse and worse to get it done if it is something I hate, tell yourself I will get this done by using a system to break it down. Like break it into short time blocks and say no matter what I will tackle this for 10 minutes today, 15 another day, 20 then whatever!

Never say I should do this or I would like to do that - If you are adult ADHD like me, that is a death sentence and a self fulfilling prophecy thing of almost saying I never will do whatever.

With much bad habit breaking and relearning to talk to myself, I have been learning from my physc to stop saying I would like to do something, I now say I will do that and I schedule time to do it and do it!

Believe me I am a beginner at this, I have fallen in some really bad ways and have, and still am, cleaning up some tangled messes I have created. BUT, at all costs, I finally told myself that I could not do it alone right now - I see an ADHD physcologist once a week, and this has become long term! I cannot believe how easily I can say I do that now - I was hiding it and ashamed of it and myself for it.

Get help, even if it is a good friend or whatever, you have to trust someone enough to be accountable to, a coach kind of. Or here maybe, find a task and get people to encourage you through it.

I will tell you now - it is hard work, this is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, because I have had massive years of hiding my emotions and self and my shame in myself, I have started with shrinks and physcs and therapists before and walked away from it and relied on medication alone for ADHD!

It did not work alone for me, it helped me though and this is the most important point I will make - it was the catalyst to see I had issues, it gave me clear enough vision to know I was not going to be able to maintain without a professional that deals with this stuff and had ADHD himself and knows how it feels and can call BS when I am BS'ing.

I like to call it the 2 x 4 method, I do not do well with therapists that say and how does that feel and think of when you were a kid and how did that feel kind of thing (I am not knocking that at all), but for me I need someone who is strong enough to call BS right away and say I am wrong and tell me straight out why and what to do.

It is confusing enough to have ADHD at times, people like me do not know how they feel until they are in the thick of trouble, then it feels real bad and angry! This guy I see repeats things that are important and I get it! I am learning to slow down and that it is possible, I am learning to look at my adrenaline issues and stuff.

OK, so more than you wanted I am sure!

Stick to what works, go back to what works when you fall, clean up your messes, face it head on and get someone that can give you clarification, validation and a smack over the head when you need it! BUT, you have to really trust them and lay it all out there to fix it!


I would rather be standing one on one in a firestorm at times, 50,000 acres of burning hell, then doing this thing I am doing right now! Sometimes I actually feel like if I could cut off my arm and sacrifice that instead of going through this phycologist stuff, I would do it, but I actually am seeing benefits when I open my eyes up wide. I just happened to read this tonight after running away from myself for a couple days of sliding back into denial - strange how things work out?

[charliegirl]

You said that so well Lc! I can see myself in what you posted and it is scary. I admire you for sticking with it when I know how hard it is on you.

Thanks for sharing what you are learning and going through with us. It is showing me that change is possible and its normal to have a hard time dealing with it, so we don't have to feel like no one else has ever gone through it.

[lcdc1]

ok, I am glad to give free advice and make sure you know it is my perspective. I have ups and downs with it and the cut and run way to deal with it will catch up to people like me!

I did not really realize how bad things had gotten becuase I like to hide it and hide behind joking and anger. I told myself I am a single parent, have an awesome job, am raising two girls that are pretty great kids, so how could I be suffering from ADHD in a way that was negatively affecting my life? I was and am a provider!

I won't go into gorey details of it all, but the more you hide issues like I did, it becomes this massive spiderweb that I could not tackle anymore or get out of - I had to crash big time and compromise my self and my values to realize I was sinking and could not see daylight anymore, I had become so negative and angry, I wanted to fight the world if I disagreed with anyone, I wanted to say everyone else had issues, not me!

My success in being a provider of my family was killing me and I could not turn my adrenaline off anymore without killing myself.

I encourage anyone to vent, get help, don't listen to anyone that says to just get over it, don't accept compromising your values or who you know you are, don't sell yourself short by saying it is just another bump in the road. AND don't be scared of yourself.

So I have to say the real thanks goes out to people like barb and jj and a handful of others that were willing to step up and put themselves out there to give a stranger advice that might have been strange and uncomfortable when I started all this a long time ago and some of them kind of got a glimpse of self destruction, train wrecks, freakin out, and probably a little depression to go along with it all.

I would also encourage people to not judge too harshly when you see someone hitting the wall or wrecking all the time, it could be any of us at any time.

Thanks Barb!

[lcdc1]

Ok, so now you adult ADHD'ers or people that know some!

Give me a hint here?

I have a long term issue at work that is complicated and I transitiioned from a field position like 4 years ago to leadership within the agency. I am I guess considered upper management for all you corporate types!

This issue is getting better in some ways, but it is long term of trying to do away with home grown processes and get back to National standards, there are personnel issues big time involved of people getting away with illegal stuff and ethical stuff. There is big resistance to change, and there is ME!

Anyway friday I am very frustrated with it all again and visit my physc and say something like (minus cuss words for the PG version), I am not sure I can hang with this situation to the end, I am not sure there is adequate support for all the processes needed to meet the end result? My boss does not qualify for his job and the agency is saying he has to by 2009 and he wont, his boss is fairly new and he supports the national standards, but he said there is so much mistrust at the Leadership team level that it will hold things up and he is working on those larger trust issues that take time! So in this rant, the physc stopped me and said I answered my own question?

He said the negative aspect of my thoughts on lack of support answered my question?

So I think I might know what he means after a couple days of chewing on it - I think it means if I think it won't happen, then it won't. So I know what the end objective should be, I know where we are with the issue at work, what do I do now?

Couple scenario's:

1. Say I cannot fix this bigger agency picture?
2. Stress myself out and get lost in all these processes of trying to get there when the vision with staff above me is not clear on the vision?
3. Sit down by myself, outline the end objective to meet National Standards and reference all of them? then work backwards to what steps are needed to get there? then what I see as the blockades in it? Present this internal thing to the big boss (who I dialogue with all the time) and see what he supports and some timelines?
4. Keep compromising my standards, values, who i am, and sit and collect my paycheck and wait for others to tell me what they want? (I would have to leave my job to do that, I cannot sit on my hands and watch people self destruct and wait for a serious accident to happen)

sooooo, I know you all do not know this situation too well, some do more than others! It has involved me taking disciplinary actions, personnel issues, face to face (in your face) one on one shouting matches, pressue from the Regional Office, having a boss that has less than one quarter of the experience and qaulifications in wildland fire management that I have, Writing and rewriting proposals to get to where we need to be, me doing not so good things in my personal life because I am required to maintain professionalism at all cost at work while others freak out and can act like asses so I come home and was drinking heavily and being very spastic, and so on!

[charliegirl]

Lc, Knowing you as well as I do now, I know which option you are going to take. It won't be the easiest but it is the only one you will feel good about yourself if you do it. #3

Ok, is there a chance you can pull it off? Do you know what steps your boss needs to take to qualify and is there any way he can do it? Can you help him? If he can't, can you take over his job and get things in shape once he is gone? That sounds hard but if he can't keep it, you have your future to consider. Would you even want it?

Can you go back to the field position if you want to?

I feel bad for you. You are stuck in a really rotten position but I also know you are capable of making the right decisions and not letting the current situation keep you down or ruin your life.

[lcdc1]

thanks for the positive feedback and yeah maybe I am answering my own questions again and don't want to listen?

I think I am feeling like a control issue more than anything, it is like some things are not choices, but choices made for me, I do not like that feeling.

the last 2 weeks I realized (well it was pointed out to me and I acknowledged it) that I had some ownership in the resentment I was feeling towards my people, my boss, my (well you get the picture). I was madder then a wet hen in a gunny sack. I had worked like many free hours and late and stuff and my kids needed me and work was calling me to like 10 each night with emergencies. And I was not letting my voicemail pick it up and screening calls, I was receptive to everyone elses needs and crashing hard. So I told my physc I had to answer my business cell since I am the duty officer. He said that was my choice to do that, if I fielded calls, I could tell which ones were emergencies that were real!

I felt like I had to answer the phone right away and I really do not. Like today the sherriffs office called me, I did not answer, but listened to the voicemail and they said they would use the next number on the call list and it is my boss - well he was all over it and he left me a voicemail too and guess what it was SAR (search and rescue) passing on a message from the public stuck in their houses and stranded by snow on the road. This is an old issue that has occured for years. The few landowners think we should plow their road, it is not our road or the taxpayers to pay, they need to talk to the county or pay to do it - NO EMERGENCY!

I felt better using my voicemail on this one, go boss go, take care of it! YEEHAW.

I think you know I know the answer too for now. I have to stay here for my kids and their stability and I will never resent their needs at all ever, so I will stay, BUT I HAVE to do option 3 or I will be in hell.

Thanks.

[jj]

Yup, you have to do #3 like you said. And LC, I know you will do it and do it well.

And Your Welcome for the thank you in the previous post. You have no idea how much you have inspired me so I've been gettin' as much as givin'. ;D

[charliegirl]

I'll second JJ's comment. You do inspire us. I have never known anyone as determined as you to gain control of yourself and become who you want to be rather than just blaming your ADHD for things that are just too difficult.

You keep me on my toes and realizing the only legit excuse for not doing what I need to is that I don't want to put out the effort. You also show me that an excuse like that isn't an excuse its a cop out, and I can do more than I ever dreamed possible but I have to work to make it happen.

[rolypolyone]

lcdc1, I haven't stopped by in a while, I work 7 days a week and sometimes don't get to check things out. You really put a lot into your words of wisdom and it really puts things into perspective. I've only been on this road to recovery for 2 years and I'm learning all the time. I copied and pasted that and will continue to digest it.

On another note from all that you've said about the job and what I can derive from your wisdom, is that you must pick #3, with the determination that you can do it. You've got friends on this board which is very evident. Good luck.