Not just "a bad kid"

[katiekat]

I am wondering when the school will stop blaming eveything on Sean's behavior and realize there is more to it. Since starting the Abilify his behavior has improved dramatically. We have gone from 4 or 5 bad days a week to maybe 1, sometimes NO bad days in an entire week. However the medication has not helped with his frustration and inability to do the work, there is no medicine for that. The things I am talking about have nothing to do with not paying attention, talking, fidgeting or getting out of his seat. They are simply that he just cannot do it. They are progressing and doing more difficult things and he still has not grasped the basics. His not being able to understand the work as it gets harder leads to many comments like "I hate school" "I'm stupid" and now he has been asking me to do his homework for him because it is too hard. Yes, his behavior is much, much better but he still gets 5 out of 6 wrong on all his spelling tests and 9 out of 10 wrong on math tests. They are adding 2 digit numbers together but he still cannot identify those numbers. So how can he add them if he doesn't even know what they are? They are learning 4 and 5 letter spelling words but he still cannot identify all the letters so if you cant do that how can you spell and read? YOU CANT! It seems to me they are just blowing right through the things he has not grasped yet and moving on to more difficult things. It is just not possible. I will bring it up and they will say that what he is doing is acceptable and he'll catch on and blah, blah, blah. They always dismiss my concerns and make me feel like I have no idea what I am talking about.
When I was in high school I had a friend who went to the same schools as I did our entire lives. She was never in any special ed. and received no help. She graduated and could not read. She is 35 years old now and still cannot read. I have helped her fill out applications for jobs and helped her son do his homework when she could not understand it. I always wondered how that was possible, how did she slip throught the cracks? Now I know.

[lillian]

(((KK))))

Sean needs to be tested for learning disabilities, and it sounds like you are going to have to do it privately. It also sounds like you are going to have to remediate them privately. If I had waited for the public school to help my son, we'd probably still be waiting. If I waited for specialized instruction to fill in the gaps, those gaps would never be filled in. It's sad, it isn't right, and it's infuriating, but in the end, you have to do what's best for the child. Waiting for the school to come around isn't it. If you know Sean can do more, and the school is willing to pat him on his head, pass him, and say, "Look at his grades! He's fine," then you need to move on, accept the fact that the school is not going to help you bring him up to par, and find someone who can work with him and do what the school will not do.

[charliegirl]

This is the time of year when the schools do the standardized testing. You are supposed to get a copy of the results. I can say from experience that they often wait to send those to the parents at the end of the year but when you get them, look to see what percentile he is in. I have a feeling you will be able to wave his test results in their faces and tell them it isn't acceptable to be at the bottom.

I'd still keep plugging away with getting an outside evaluation. I really have my doubts about their willingness to admit he is ld if you use their evaluation at this point even if you could get them to do one.

to you and Sean both. I get so mad when I see a school putting a child through the torture he is experiencing.

[katiekat]

The standardized testing is something I have been waiting for. I am not sure if they take any in first grade though. If I remember correctly the first year Joe took any kind of state testing was 2nd grade. I could be wrong but I know that this testing is what it will take for them to see that there is a problem beyond behavior. This is a school district which prides itself on high scores on these tests. They do not like students bringing those down. Im pretty sure I mentioned this last year but when Joe was in 5th grade I got a call from the principal saying that Joe scored one point below average in the math section and they wanted him to attend summer school. When I told her I wanted to see what he got on his report card in math before I made that decision she told me that she already knew that he had gotten an A but that these tests are very important. I told her that althought they may be important to the school district the only thing important to me was the report card and that I would not send him to summer school. I think it wil take Sean doing poorly on this testing to open their eyes.

What really set me off on this yesterday was that he came home with a spelling test and had gotten every word wrong except one. There was a comment on the top that said "What happened?! Didn't you study?" Since Sean can't read this and I'm sure the teacher is aware of this I felt that the comment was for my benefit. The thing is he did study. We always do all the spelling work to prepare for the test and I quiz him nightly. Short of writing the words on his hand and telling him to cheat I can't really prepare him any more than I already do. We even go over the words every Tues. on the way to school so they are fresh in his mind. I'm thinking that now that his behavior is under control she had to blame his failing grade on something, it is not the 1st time he got that many wrong on a spelling test.

As far as getting him testing privately here is my fear with that: Even if we do this and it is discovered that there are problems and he does need services the school does not have to take the recommendations. I know this is true because I know someone who is going through this right now. Her child was in Sean's class last year and after fighting with the school over it they took her for private testing. Spent over $2000 and is still battling to get her daughter the help she needs.
I would also like to get a clear answer on the Aspergers as well. I am having a hard time doing this because the therapist thinks he does have Aspergers but says she is not an expert on Autism and we need to ask the psych about it. The psych says he might have AS but he is not an expert on autism and we need to take him to some one who is. I have looked and called everyone and apparently there is no one who is an expert on autism that has less than a year and half waiting list. I would like to either rule it out or be told yes. The psych said he feels it is either AS or RAD and there is very different treatment for each so we need to find out. I sent the paperwork back to the 2 developmental peds but have not even got a call back yet with an appt. date. The earliest appt. available will be 5/09. I think if he does have a DX, especially if he does have AS it will be beneficial to have this on paper.

[misty]

Do you have to sign that spelling test & send it back? If so I'd reply to her comment with "Yes, I studied hard but I CAN'T READ, remember?" Teachers hate me because I'm always writing notes if I disagree with anything. Sometimes they help, sometimes not.

It just makes me madder & madder every time I hear these stories. How is Sean ever gonna like school or WANT to learn if the school keeps beating him down like that? What must be going through his head while he sits in class not understanding a thing?And how can a teacher & a principal look themselves in the mirror each morning knowing theres a kid who wants so badly to learn yet cannot & they know they are just ignoring his needs? How can they do such a HUGE disservice to him? Makes me want to shake some sense into them!

[charliegirl]

The actual diagnosis will be very important.

For now, reply on the failed spelling test that Sean studied very hard as he does for every test, but he just isn't learning in spite of all the help you give him at home. Also write on it that you would like it added to his permanent file. Make a copy and send that one back. If you get it in his permanent file then it will be seen by a judge if you every are forced into due process.

Every time you have communication with the teacher or anyone in the school system about Sean's inability to learn the basics, write on it that you want it added to his permanent file. They will see that you are creating a paper trail for due process and it will hopefully wake them up to the fact that you aren't going to disappear and they are going to have to deal with it sooner or later. Make sure you keep a copy and check his file yearly to ensure they are putting them in it.

[lillian]

I thought this teacher was supportive??? I say it all the time, but I'll say it, again...If I was a principal, I would forbid teachers' writing comments like that on a child's paper. It's not a question, when they do this. It's an accusation, whether they write it on the paper or ask the child in person. It's basic psychology 101 that if an adult, who is twice the size of a child, and an authority figure, as a teacher is, puts a piece of paper in a child's face that has a failing grade and asks or writes, "Did you study?" the child has two options: The child can say yes and face the possibility of the teacher thinking the child is lying, which is scary for any child, or thinking the child is stupid, which is a struggling child's greatest fear; or, the child can say no, and hope the teacher doesn't catch on that he's stupid, which he's already decided he is when he's seen his grade.

Do you know how common it is for a child who's struggling to say no, when the child has studied for days for the test? Not only did I experience this with my son, but I have spent many hours discussing this with parents, who have experienced the same with their children. Again, the reason our children with LD's do this is that children with LD's fear being stupid, and they would rather get into trouble than have a teacher, or anyone else, think they are stupid.

A teacher should NEVER, NEVER, NEVER write that on a child's paper or hold the paper in front of the child and ask that question. It's rude, it's inconsiderate, and it shows no understanding of the way children think!

[katiekat]

You're pretty good Lillian...that's exactly what he told her-that he did not study. He also told her he did not even think he did the homework-which she had to know was incorrect since he handed the homework in yesterday. I reminded him that we did study and do the work and he said "now I remember but at school I forgot." He probably was very anxious when she was questioning him and when he gets nervous he can barely speak, stutters and probably just agreed that he did not study.
She has always been supportive and has done nothing in the past to upset me but I felt that this WAS an accusation. Although I refrained I wanted to write a note back saying Yes, he did study, did you teach?

[jj]

Mar 12, 2008 10:18:23 GMT -5 lillian said:

A teacher should NEVER, NEVER, NEVER write that on a child's paper or hold the paper in front of the child and ask that question. It's rude, it's inconsiderate, and it shows no understanding of the way children think!

Amen Lillian!!!!

KK, I don't know if this will help Sean remember his numbers but this is how I learned mine when I was in K. Obviously, I wasn't getting my numbers (I could count - I just didn't know what they meant) and my teacher was trying to think of a visual for me. Even though I eventually was able to memorize addition without the dots, to this day those images show up in my brain. Weird, I know, but maybe worth a try provided you consistantly keep the dots in the same spot.

[charliegirl]

Mar 12, 2008 11:24:50 GMT -5 katiekat said:

Although I refrained I wanted to write a note back saying Yes, he did study, did you teach?

That cracked me up!