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Post by katiekat on May 21, 2008 22:41:39 GMT -5
Tonight there were these 3 kids at the baseball game, all around Sean's age, and they were just being so mean to him. They were acting like they were playing with him but were really just making fun of him and being mean. But he had no idea. I called him away from them and told him to stay with me because they were mean and he kept insisting they were his friends and they were being nice. And they weren't and were even pushing him on the ground. This happens everywhere we go and I don't understand why. I used to understand when he was always hitting people that no one wanted to play with him. I got that. But I don't know why now so I can't even begin to fix it. One day we got out of the car and this little girl was like "Oh God, HE'S here." He hadn't even spoken a word. Another time he was talking to this little boy who was about 3 or 4 and after a minute the boy says "What is your PROBLEM? Leave me alone" and then he kicked Sean. I just don't get why he is a target wherever we go. What is it that makes everyone pick on him, especially kids who barely know him. I know 100% that all these times he did nothing to provoke or upset any of these kids. He just wants to make friends and is not doing anything to them. I also don't know how to help him understand when kids are being mean to him-I do not want him to be made a fool of but when I didn't let him play with them he got all mad at me even though I explained that it was not a punishment. I dont know why this happens but it is sad to watch your kid be rejected and treated cruelly over and over and over again.
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Post by anon4now on May 22, 2008 7:14:57 GMT -5
I don't know the age of your son. But my son was 3, and the neighborhood kids use to throw rocks at him, so I get what you mean. Reminds me of Back to the Future...with McFly.
I think the age has a big to do. He sounds older from what you are saying. MHO, let him figure that out. He needs to learn how to socialize with kids (especially with kids his own age) and if you keep pulling him out of a situation, he will never learn from it, and he'll continue to resent you. I know it's a tough lesson to learn and we want to protect our kids. But my thought is he may find a good friend amongst those mean ones.
My son was actually friends with the class bully. I hated that they were friends. But I was in school one day and some older kids picked on my son and his friend stood up and told him to bug off, and leave my son alone. That little brat earned some respect from me. Yea, they got in trouble a lot, but at least he had someone in his corner. I just took it on myself to teach my son to stand up to his friend and say, "I don't think that's a good idea, we don't want to get in trouble, right?" We moved away, and now his friend is the shy guy in the class. I like his new friend better, but he's too darn quiet. ;D
Anyway, I would try to help you son find that special friend that works with him, and maybe teach him some different ways to stand up for himself. Tell him what your worries are (Like, I don't like it when people push me down on the ground...and when those kids push you down it makes me upset. How does it make you feel?) And if he says it upsets him a little, and you can reassure him he can tell those kids to stop. And if they are truley friends, they will listen. That type of thing.
Good luck.
Anon
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Post by mom23boyz on May 26, 2008 23:32:29 GMT -5
Wow, katiekat, I feel your pain! My ds is 7 years old and I feel like you are writing my life in your paragraph. We just recently took a camping trip and there were kids there that he didnt even know. He used to do stupid things last year before we got the medicine lined out, and yeah, I could understand like you said why they might say things or not want to play. But now, he is a very nice, polite kid, just wanting to ride bikes with these kids and man, they were so mean to him. A couple of girls even came up and said to me, "Are you his mom? We want to have girl time and he keeps following us, could you tell him to stop?" Hello, he just wants to ride bikes. I kept trying to tell him, like you did that these boys are mean boys and to stay away from them, but he just cant understand how someone would act that way and just kept trying to get them to play, which they made more fun of him for. It's just heartbreaking. I dont really have any answers for you, I just hope as they get older they will find a nice, true friend! Good Luck!
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Post by lillian on May 28, 2008 7:55:32 GMT -5
My son has a friend like this. For some reason, this child was constantly targeted by other children, and I never could figure out why. He has ADD and is intellectual, so he's kind of an "egghead," if you will, but I don't think so much so that he doesn't fit in with other children. It's always baffled me and greatly disturbed his mother. There were years, literally years, when my son was the only friend this child had. Now, he has other friends, although I'm sure he still considers my son his "best friend." As he nears high school (next year), he seems to have found friends through interests of his--the band and church--and I think that's what has helped him. Also, his parents strongly emphasized family activities, when his isolation was its worst, which I think was very wise on their part. They surrounded him with family to make up for his lack of friends. For example, I can remember my son going to this child's birthday parties when my son was the only kid who was there, who wasn't a cousin or somehow related to this child.
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Post by katiekat on May 28, 2008 21:21:11 GMT -5
Cousins would be a nice thing for Sean to have but he does not have any and probably never will. My husbands family is very, very, small. It's basically his parents and that's it. He has a sister who lives in FL and does not want kids. That's it. My h does not have one cousin, aunt, uncle, nothing.
My family is all over the country.
I am hoping he can find a friend at the Summer Rec program. It is for all the elementary schools in the district so I think thats about 4 other schools. This will give him the opportunity to meet some new kids and if he finds a friend they will be close by and could get together after the summer. He is really looking forward to it so I really hope it goes well.
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Post by jill on May 29, 2008 6:31:36 GMT -5
Try having a discussion with your son on how to be a good friend and give examples and let him pick things out when you two are snuggling. Teach him when kids do this or that that they are not being a good friend and go from there use the teaching moments. I keep trying to teach my girl the same stuff and it took awhile but it is starting to sink in.
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