Trying Hard to Stay Sane

[katiekat]

I know I have mentioned this before but with school being out for the past 2 days I am having a very rough time with Sean. The extreme neediness and constant need for attention is making me nuts. When I say extreme and constant I mean EXTREME and CONSTANT. I have set aside time as I have done in the past to do something with him but this is not enough. He harasses me all day and follows me everywhere. When I do not do as he wishes he then follows me around pouting, sulking, and muttering under his breath. I cannot even go to the bathroom without him standing outside the door and saying my name over and over. All this even after we went to the library, went to the store and bought some Yugio cards and took a walk-all his suggestions. I have explained to him that I have things I need to do around the house as well as things for myself like eat and shower.(how dare I?) It just doesn't sink in or he doesn't care. Once my h gets home he then starts on him the minute he walks in the door. Getting bent out of shape if he doesnt eat dinner fast enough to do what Sean wants. He then follows him around the house even after he has been told that he will take him fishing or have a catch with him when he is ready. Last night they went fishing and when they got home Sean wanted A to play a video game with him and he said he would. Then he realized that he had lost the key to his truck cover and had to go look for it. He was only gone for about 20 minutes but Sean drove me insane the entire time because Andy wasn't finding it quick enough for Sean's liking. God forbid if anyone in this house pays attention to anyone else but Sean. If my husband and I try to talk or anyone dare speak to Joseph he constantly interrupts and gets all bent. No matter what we say or do he just doesnt listen and will not stop. I had to send him to his room about 5 minutes ago because I was going to snap-he is up there yelling and screaming. I have no idea what this is-this extreme, extreme need for attention that is never fulfilled but if anyone has any suggestions about how to put an end to it I'd love to hear them. Thank goodness Summer Rec starts Monday.

[puzzled]

I really don't know what to say to help you, but I wanted to let you know I am praying for you to have patience. I cannot imagine.

I can't remember....are you still seeing a psych for Sean? (Sorry, I got busy with school stuff and I can't remember), maybe the psych would have some ideas for you.

[katiekat]

We still do see the psych, in fact we have an appointment Monday so I will be asking him if he has any suggestions. Also the following week we have the appt. for neuropsych evaluation.

[charliegirl]

The only thing I can think of left to try is to try to get him to help you do your chores. When you are cleaning a room, have him dust, run things to the room they belong in, vacuum, etc. Give him things to do to keep him busy and to feel like he is involved in an activity with you.

I have a feeling you are going to say you have tried that but I'm totally out of ideas. I know you have tried everything.

Hang in there until summer rec. Between his time at his birth mother's and that, maybe you can keep your sanity.

[misty]

I can't even imagine what I'd do in your situation, KK. I've never met a child that needs that much constant attention. But I wanted you to know I'm commiserating with you. I wish I had some ideas for you. If I find anything that may be helpful, I'll surely let you know.

[jj]

KK,

I think you absolutely did the right thing sending him to his room. I realize it isn't exactly pleasant to here him throwing a fit, though.

My one and only suggestion is to specifically assign a time when he has to go in his room and play. (If you make it a punishment then you'll definately get the fits) Maybe just start out with 15 minutes in his room to play. Then keep upping the time until maybe a solid hour is reached.

Sorry, best I can do.

[thousandsofvoices]

You are about to describe my girl, she is more or less like that all the time. And it gets worser if she is boring. So any time she call my name more than usually I struggle to find her new hobby. Last time my sane was saved by Perler Beads Kids Crafts. But on the other hand she became to hyperfocus on playing with those.
Truly, I prefer her be hyperfocused on something creative instead on me.
So maybe you should try to find him new hobby, or just make him busy.
Good luck

[jill]

Annette was like that too at one time until she learned how to play by herself. I try to find a movie or show she is obsessed with and put it on for her to start with the stop following mom thing and now for cleaning she does not follow me around for I give her things to do to help and I notice she slowly does a couple of things and disappears in her bedroom, what a kid. Hang in there.

[anon4now]

Jun 19, 2008 14:50:44 GMT -5 charliegirl said:

The only thing I can think of left to try is to try to get him to help you do your chores. When you are cleaning a room, have him dust, run things to the room they belong in, vacuum, etc. Give him things to do to keep him busy and to feel like he is involved in an activity with you.

I have a feeling you are going to say you have tried that but I'm totally out of ideas. I know you have tried everything.

Hang in there until summer rec. Between his time at his birth mother's and that, maybe you can keep your sanity.

Chores was what I was going to suggest. As soon as my son utters the words, I'm bored (and all variations) I hand him the broom.

Could you do some quiet time insentives. ie: For the next 10 mins you have to find something to do quiet (or give him something to do) and when he completes 10 quiet minutes, give him a ticket. At the end of the day he can turn his tickets in for a book read to him or something. You can vary this so many ways. If he does 10 mins on his own he gets 2 tickets. If he goes longer in one spurt he gets 2 tickets. If he lets you have an uniterupted conversation with hubby, he gets a ticket. I know with my son, time frames are the best. This past weekend, our day was unscheduled. He was asking me constantly, "what are we doing today?" I would say, "Going to the pet store." he would ask, "when?" I would say, "Oh I don't know an hour or so." he would say, "what are we doing after?" I'm like "I have no clue, heading to meme's I guess." and how long will we be there, and what are we doing there, are we swimming, what after that, are we having birthday cake tonight, is grandpa coming over, when will he get here, can I play a game with him, how long will he be here. OMG

You understand I'm sure. maybe give him an hours worth of what's going to happen and tell him he can ask what's next after that hour. Give him a stop watch to use. My son obsesses with a stop watch waiting for the time to come when he can do (insert activity here).

If you find SANE, tell him I say hi.

Anon

[jfla]

I am rather late to this thread, but my take on some of the neediness and constant attention is that he seems to have gotten in the habit of depending on others to keep himself entertained. Perhaps some help in learning how to take on responsibility for his own happiness during his free time might help. Something that we have done at our home (especially at the beginning of summer) was to make a list of all the things that my children liked to do. This was kid generated and included a wide range of activities from things that they could do themselves, with a friend/sibling, a parent, at some cost/no cost. (Examples: make a game, climb a tree, build something out of wood, read a book, dig for clay, make play-dough, make some music, paint, collect & identify bugs, Legos, walk the dog, go for a hike, swimming, library, museum) They needed to make a good attempt at getting their supplies together before I would hunt something down for them.

The list was posted on our refrigerator and I would catch them from time to time looking for suggestions on it.

Family meetings:
This is a bit similar in the sense of showing how to initiate what they want or need to do. It was helpful when we had three busy kids at home.
At the start of the weekend, we had a family meeting where we went around the table and each person said what they needed to do, and what they wanted to do. One person was note taker and wrote it on a big whiteboard. That way everyone knew what each person wanted to accomplish for fun or for chores. It seemed to work well in our family.

Now, if my son can figure out how to manage his time while at college!