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Post by jill on Aug 16, 2008 8:00:53 GMT -5
Annette's behavior has been so atrocious this past week she has been defiant, whinny, wanting others to wait on her hand and foot (when she can do so for herself), and trying to hit, oh and will not acknowledge her bad behavior it is always not her fault. This bothers me it is wrong and reminds me of some of the families I deal with (which upsets me more). I want to run away and take a vacation alone NO Child No spouse (he is no help anyways). We tried to go to dinner one day and she melted down when she tried to demand I draw something with her and I made a mistake in her eyes (drawing was to keep busy). She began to raise her voice and knocked the chair over at this point I grabbed her and as I was dragging half carrying her out she hit me a few times. The meltdown took 15 minutes and she refused to acknowledge what she has done so that took another 10 minutes for I was not letting her get away with it.
Any advice? I hate these stages she goes into but the not acknowledging what she has done is new and bothering me. Also when I said she wants people to wait on her hand and foot she will scream and whine until she gets what she wants so needless to say my house you need ear plugs.
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Post by jj on Aug 16, 2008 13:58:18 GMT -5
Jill, I can't possibly know what it is like to be in your shoes and I know you have tried a lot of things, punishment/rewards.
But I have to ask. Have you really stuck to your guns with the rules you set? I think you know the key is to not give her what she wants. Yes, I know....way, way, way easier said then done!
But you have to set the rules that if she whines, argues she will be either sent to her room or in time out. I would suggest time out in the middle of a room where there is nothing she can touch or play with. And the old fashioned standing in an empty corner isn't so bad either.
I know you have tried these things but it has to be a absolutely consistant thing. Not once can you give in. It may take weeks for her to get it.
If you have tried all that then I don't know but I feel really bad for you.
One more thing, Jill. Have you kept track of her moods? Because sometimes if you track what she eats, how much sleep she gets, if something happened out of the ordinary like you have to take her to the store and this messed up her routine, how long the moods last, how many times a day, what she did when she threw the fit, etc..., you may start to spot things that trigger her moods that you didn't see before. Just a thought.
Big giant hugs to you. I know it is all so hard. Your daughter is a younger clone of my sis's daughter.
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Post by charliegirl on Aug 16, 2008 18:05:48 GMT -5
Taking her out of the restaurant was the way I would have handled it. Nothing worked better for me than to remove my kids from the scene and refuse to go back until they straightened up. I've also been known to take them home when they stayed obnoxious and they completely missed their treat.
Is she on a total med holiday for the summer? Hopefully its the lack of her meds and will only last a few weeks until you put her back on them.
My son gets demanding like her also. I simply refuse to wait on him when he gets like that. If I choose to because I'm going into the kitchen anyway, for example, I point it out to him. When I ask him to get something for me its because he is going near where it is anyway. I make of point of thanking him. If he says no then I inform him I won't do anything for him again. Its a two way street. In our family we take care of each other. No one is helpless.
When he was younger and did the tantrum thing I just made him go into his room and told him to have at it. If he wanted to have a tantrum that was fine but the rest of us didn't have to be around it. Once it was over he was allowed to come back out with the rest of us.
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Post by jill on Aug 17, 2008 17:34:10 GMT -5
For the longest time we did not have to discipline much but when she gets out of line I do set consequences and stick to them and use the stuff the psychologist recommended we do. She has been off meds all summer and has been doing fine up until this week what I am seeing is newer she is not taking No for an answer.
Today I took a neighborhood friend (the only one) to the pool across the street and park and all was fine until she wanted a certain floaty board which was not going to be possible and she was not going to take No for an answer plus while there she was playing with baby toys. I saw her anger building (yes anger) and when I pulled her aside to calm her down and explain to her she had to use what she had and get over it she refused to listen to me lashed out and hit me then I told her and her friend we were leaving and in front of neighborhood kids school kids no less she hit me again 2 more times and ran away from me and I had to chase her and drag her kicking and screaming all the way and stating i was hurting her while I was holding onto her wrist firmly so she does not run again. Yes everyone was staring some smiling some gawking, some plugging ears I am humiliated for me and her. How can i mend this now and build friendships for her after witnessing this? It seems like she cannot control herself when she loses it and is showing lots of anger I am scared. This is something I am not used to seeing in my child. I am calling her psychologist tomorrow and am going to ask if counseling will help for I do not know what to do. When we got home she begged to go back which the answer was No due to behavior and hitting mom, Now I will go and cry.
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Post by charliegirl on Aug 17, 2008 17:57:44 GMT -5
Its hard but I think you did the right thing.
Maybe next time you can tell her before you go that if a toy is being used by someone else you expect her to find something else and when you tell her something she is to obey, including going home, or you won't take her again for a set amount of time. She will know the consequences in advance. She now knows you will not tolerate that behavior and she will go home kicking and screaming if necessary.
School is coming soon and she has been off meds for a while. Do you think maybe anxiety is coming into play? School wasn't a great experience for her last year and now that she is off the meds she may be afraid this school year will be the same and she will not be able to handle it.
I have only taken Wellbutrin for my ADHD and it didn't work as well as the stimulants do but I know when I stopped taking it and it was out of my system I would panic more easily over almost anything. Knowing I didn't have the same control over myself as I did on it, I would get more nervous when I knew a tricky situation was coming up. That may be happening with her.
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Post by jj on Aug 17, 2008 22:32:35 GMT -5
Oh Jill, I'm so sorry. I just don't know what to say. My sis has been at her wits end for years now but I'm hoping for your sake this is just a rough bump in the road.
Big hugs. I wish I was a sage advisor but I'm not.
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Post by jill on Aug 24, 2008 9:25:38 GMT -5
Annette did tell me she only likes the first and last day of school and hates homework that is where her uncertainty lies. I do have on her IEP reduced homework so we will see, I told her we will get through it together. She is doing better now and I will be starting her meds back up this week.
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Post by jj on Aug 24, 2008 15:59:56 GMT -5
I'm so glad she is doing better. Poor kid. That's so sad she only likes the first and last days of school. I hope the IEP helps alliviate the stress for her and you.
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Post by unicorn on Aug 24, 2008 21:06:21 GMT -5
Hope the IEP helps too with the homework stress.
Tiff has had some beyond horrible behavior lately. I look at her like really are you my child? So sassy, flip and thinking she can do what she wants when she wants. And when I tell her that she can't do something or "no" she flips. Yesterday she had a terrible meltdown in front of my parents. It took all of my internal strength and all of the strength Tiff had left from the day to get her calmed down.
I just hope it gets better myself. I understand how you have been feeling. I feel like I need to go away myself too for a few days.
Hang in there...
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Post by jfla on Aug 25, 2008 19:58:14 GMT -5
sounds like you are doing all the right things and on the right track. hang in there; it may take awhile for Annette to figure it out and put it together, meanwhile know that you are doing the right thing in your responses to her behavior. Let us know what the psychologist says. big hugs  |
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I was about to conquer the world but then I got distracted by something shiny.
