WWYD? (What would you do?)

[anon4now]

I like posting in the bipolar section so new visitors can see I'm actively here, posting.

So on to my question:

Usually my son is very stable during school hours. He has a number system 1 being stable, and 10 being out of control. His worse at home lately has been an 8.

So on the way home last night he tells me he was a 5 in school and asked the teacher if he could talk to her personally. They went out to the hallway and told the teacher he wasn't feeling safe, but didn't know where he could go to calm down. It's a new school so he was confused. The teacher suggested the nurses office and so he headed that way. He stayed there for about 10-15 mins reading an I Spy book and relaxing. When he felt better coming down to a 2, he went back to class. I was very proud of him and how he handled it.

Later on in the evening though, he showed me a large gash in his shoulder/arm pit area. He said he had gone to the bathroom and dug into his arm right before he talked to the teacher. He said he had asked to go to the bathroom first when he started to feel bad (5). And he sat there and dug until it broke his skin and cut himself.

My question: Should I call the nurse and tell her what happened?

I don't know if there's a reporting aspect that the school would have to do. And I would hate for him to have to go through an ordeal in school. But on the other hand, I want the teacher and nurse to be on alert for these behaviors. This could be an isolated instance, or it could start to escalate. I just don't know how the school would handle it at this point. What do you guys think? Should I call and let them know?

TIA,
Anon

[katiekat]

Personally I think that I would let the nurse and teacher know what happened. Only because if I didn't I would worry about how else he may injure himself if he feels that way again. I would want them to be aware of the possiblity. I don't know if there is any procedure they would follow after the fact but if they knew it at the time they would have most likely intervened. I can also understand that you wouldn't want him traumatized with what may happen if you do let them know but I would just rather be safe than sorry.

It really does sound like he is doing great though with recognizing that he is not feeling safe and how to handle his feelings. Big hugs to you Anon!

[anon4now]

Well, I just got an unrelated call from the nurse and my son was in the background and he said, Oh, ask her about my cut! and showed her the gash in his arm. So I explained it to her. She got really quiet. I probably freaked her out with my non-chalant way of explaining it. But what the heck, I can't cry every time I explain it to people. Oh well. She knows now. Todays the last day before vacation. Hopefully he'll "reset" in Jan and go back in full swing.

Thanks kk, I think it was best to tell the nurse.

Anon

[katiekat]

Well I guess the little guy made that decision easier for you right? LOL

That is good that she knows now and even better that she did not made a big production of it and cause him any unneeded stress.

Hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday!

[charliegirl]

I think it is important for them to know how serious it can be when he does reach a certain point. Its good that he feels comfortable enough to let the teacher know he needs to go wind down.

Watch him during this break and see if you can spot any warning signs that you and the teacher could look for before he reaches the point where he feels that bad just in case he doesn't recognize he is at that point sometime. Possibly she could even spot him at a 3 or 4 and ask him if he needs a break.

I am happy for him that he has a teacher who cares and is willing to help him. That must be a relief for you as well.

[anon4now]

Thanks CG. Getting his teachers on board is a true blessing. I talked to his new nurse on his first day and I explained his diagnosis and situation. She said it was nice that a parent comes forward with the information. She says most of the time they are left guessing, and come to find out there was a diagnosis of some sort that would have explained a lot.

It's a hard road to travel. I worry it will back fire one day. That he'll be stereo-typed, or put into special education when it's not needed, or some other horror I couldn't imagine at this early stage of his diagnosis. You just never know what people are thinking.

My heart breaks for him every day. The other night he asked me how he got bipolar. He said, "Was it a bug or something that gave it to me?" I just think, man! This kid has been thrown so many curve balls in the short 10 years he's been alive. I truly wish I could just take it all away.

Anon

[charliegirl]

Dec 23, 2008 14:04:41 GMT -5 anon4now said:

I just think, man! This kid has been thrown so many curve balls in the short 10 years he's been alive. I truly wish I could just take it all away.

Anon

Me too!

[jj]

Just like everyone else, I'm so glad he is recognizing when he needs that break. It sounds like he is really doing well but I must say I just felt so sad, and I can't imagine how heartbreaking it is for you, when you said he asked how he got bipolar. Poor kid.

But he sounds so mature about it. Bless his heart.

[anon4now]

I really couldn't have asked for a more insightful child.

Last night was his first night without freaking out. (I have no other way of saying that) He asked me if I could come up and talk to him for a few minutes before bed.

I can't remember what he started out with. Here are a few things I remember.

He told me that during a conversation (freak out) with dad the other night, he thought for a split second ("like 3 or 4 seconds") that dad didn't love him. He said he got very calm while he was thinking that. And it was because he knew he would just run away. Then he and dad talked (dad noticed the calm and asked what he was thinking) and dad explained to him how much he loved him. My son said that he realized it was important to know he was loved, because if any of it was taken away he didn't want to live any more.

He also said that there was a girl that always hit her head on the chair on the bus, and that she looked bipolar. I told him people didn't look bipolar. That it was hidden. And just because he saw this girl "acting weird" that other kids didn't think he acted weird. That most of the kids didn't know or suspect there was something different about him.

Then we talked about what bipolar means. I asked him to list different emotions/moods that he sees mom go through. The first one he picked was stress. (uh, gee! is it that obvious?) Then he said happy. Then I made a sad face, and he asked, "Sad?" I said, Yea, I get sad too. He said, not really though. Not a lot. I was sort of surprised by this, since I feel like I cry in front of him a lot. Maybe he just doesn't understand my feelings. Then I explained how he feels the same things, it's just under a magnifying glass. Sometimes it was times 10 and sometimes it was times 100. He seemed to get that.

And then I ended the conversation with some reassurance that our new home was a safe home. That we lived in a safe neighborhood. And that as long as he was home with us, that we would do everything in our power to make sure he was safe. And that Dad was pretty good at keeping us safe. He said he was starting to feel more safe, but that he didn't feel very safe in the new home. But he trusts me, and believes me and he'll try to be more comfortable in the new house.

What an interesting child I have.

Anon

[charliegirl]

I love the way you talk to him. He is so blessed to have you.

I have cousins who are bipolar and remember Steve when he was little and all the grief he went through since no one even thought about neuro issues in my family back then. He is in his 40s now and I still see pain in his eyes when I look at him even though he has been treated for years and has a good life now. I am so glad your son won't have to go through what he did.