Hi!!

[kristine]

Wow just when you hit rock bottom, someone very special made a board where “us” people can seek refuge and the truth!!

I’m Kristine, proud mommy of to two angles. My handsome son will turn 6 this March, and my daughter “the princess” will be 5 on the 12th of this month.

My amazing son was tested by an amazing doctor long before he hit school age. We had our suspicions!! The doctor let us know for a fact, yep he’s got it! Along with ocd. It was kind of like finding out your pregnant again!! But you already have the baby!! No I never thought if it as a bad, or why him or us kind of thing. If fact I think these children are given to us a reason.

But lately I have been going through days where I just want to hide my tears and tuck myself under a rock waiting for the storms to pass.

I had my son on medication for half of the last school year. For that half a year I lost who my son was. Like having a stranger in my house. But a angry, unlovable one who didn’t want anything to do with anyone.

This past Christmas my hubby and I pulled him out of school, took him off all meds, and are slowly getting our baby back. I have looked to every avenue, the pros and cons, side effects, for anything that could easy my heart of possibly making the mistake of medicating him just to go to school. I feel like Im in a war zone, where if I don’t use medication, I lose everyone around me, if I do, I lose him. And our extended family support system had diminished because of our choice of non medication. And the school wont even consider an alterative to medicating the children with adhd.

Why is it that a child who suffers from adhd is no longer looked at as just a child, but a prescription? That question has been hitting me hard in the heart as people I have had in my life, for so many years, have walk away.

Anyways, Hi!! Thank you so much for thinking about every person out there who lives with disorder. It isn’t easy, but we can do it!! I tell myself that everyday!!

[misty]

Hi Kristine!

We went through some of what you are going through with our daughter. We tried meds & they made her moody, depressed, and angry. My husband & I also made the decision to pull her off of meds. I did some research & decided to try fish oil & it helped enough to allow her to stay med free. Yeah, the school put up a fuss, but the school has no right to tell you how to manage your child's ADHD (or any other medical problem). It is against the law for them to force you to medicate your child, so don't let them bully you into something you aren't comfortable with.

Shannon is 14 now & doing well. We struggle with her organizational skills (which are pretty much non existent) but she does well in school if I follow closely & help her stay on top of things.

Why does your family give you a hard time about not medicating him? Have you talked with them about your feelings & why you decided to stop medicating? I guess we are lucky...when I explained things to my family, they understood & even agreed that they had missed Shannon's goofiness & carefree personality that was suppressed when she was on meds. Give them time...hopefully they'll come around. Meanwhile, you have us & we do understand.

[katiekat]

Welcome Kristine!
Yes, we went through the same thing with the school. Along with the ADHD my 8 year old son has a dx of Bipolar. We knew it was necessary to medicate him but were doing a lot of research first because he had a previous heart defect. (PDA) We wanted to make sure that any med he took would not affect his heart so we were very careful. I guess we were being too careful for the school because all they kept saying was "medicate medicate medicate." I told them it was not my responsibility to make their jobs easier and when we found something we were comfortable with he would start medication. In the mean time they had no choice but to find an alternative. They cannot make you medicate your child. They will have to figure out something.
I am glad that you found us!

[jj]

Hi Kristine,
I'm so glad you found us. And a big hug for you. I'm sure every parent here has gone through those those times when tears can't seem to stop flowing, when you are at a loss as what to do.

I know I have heard from so many parents that if a medication is making your child zombie-like then it isn't the right medication. And it could be that your son is better off unmedicated and you certainly have that right to not medicate.

Misty mentioned omega's and if you haven't tried them then it is certainly worth a shot. Some people swear by them and others say they helped very little.

As we learn more about your son and what paths you have taken thus far we may be able to suggest other options.

I look forward to getting to know you better and a big welcome to our group.

[lisacap]

All I can say is welcome, and if I could turn back time, and try a different route than med's with my now 13 yr old. I really would have. I for the past 7 years, watched my once hyperactive, funny fun loving spiderman child, diminish into a shell of his own world. For many years I tried to stop, but as he got older the behaviors got worse. Had I taken a different route, and I did for a long time, only went the med route when he started to become very violent, I would of learned more about what his or my rights were, and done things differently. If not medicating is a choice you are comfortable with, then go for it.....as for family....I was once were you were, never able to go to anything with him, and when we did, we were the last to arrive and the first to leave. I heard for years, she needs to disiapline him more, he is so off the wall, why don't they watch him better....it was a long haul, for us, the med's calmed him, made him able to participate in things no one ever wanted him in, but on the flip side of it, it changed him and I do miss that little boy....good luck

[kristine]

Thank you all!! It amazes me the support you can find in complete strangers!!! Ah breathe!!

Misty I would love to use that alternative, but my son, my daughter and myself are allergic to fish, shell fish...basically anything that could live in water!! However with a good diet, that is hard to keep!! Oh I miss sugar!! We can manage some of his behaviours.

I have started a routine with both our children. It seems to be working!! And leaves us with little to no surprises throughout our days. Right now I’m struggling with my sons ocd, and his constant need to fit our house to his liking!! And we have started home schooling. I can tell you that all the fluff I was told about my son never being able to catch on or stay at a consistent learning level, I’ve watched my son disprove that 100 times over. And given the time and right guidance, he is teaching me that he is able and willing to learn, but on his own terms. Five in a row is great for kids who like repetitiveness.


As to our family and the push to medicating our son. It’s like Lisa explained. The family outings we have gone to, my son, unlike the other children, he has the desire to do everything over the top, and with little to no control. And since taking him off medication they fear what he might do. For example, the start of last summer my sister was married. Asking my son to be the ring barer, I wondered how he would be able to stand there for 45 minutes with something shiny tied to a soft pillow. When it came to the “with this ring, I thee wed”, my son had tied the satin ribbon around the ring about a million times. In my sisters first picture as husband and wife, she was wearing the little pillow on her finger!! then asked us after the ceremony if we could pay for the photographer after what my son did.

Everyone thought it was quit amazing that my son stood there for as long as he did, and quit comical that he took his job to keep the rings as safe as he did.

I did not pay for my sisters photographer, and we haven’t talked since. And it seems that every family event we go to, they look for a reason why he should be on medication, or why he shouldn’t be there. It can be from the way he plays, to the way he washes his hands, they no longer look at my son as just a child, and he is anything but a monster.

The problem I have faced is the talking, whispering, and emails of my sons behaviour, or what he did when I wasn’t looking. But the way I see it, almost every child today has some form of disorder, and I have expressed that to my family, and if each child were assessed, they would fit into, if not all categories of any type of disorder, but mainly adhd. They didn’t like that. No cause their children are perfect!

Needless to say, I’m tired of the child labeling, the unwillingness to look past that label and see the baby in front of them. So it was my families choice to walk away, and my choice to look out for my sons well-being that will always be first before anyone’s thought or opinion.

So now I am always keeping my eyes and ears open for any alternative I could use now, or in the future. I have started a list, and so far, everything works. Some for a short time frame, other long term, but they do work!

[misty]

Oh Kristine...I think it's horrible that your family would treat your son (and you) in that manner! I have a huge family & there are a few kids with various disorders among us & I can't imagine a scenario where anyone would treat them like a monster. We just accept each one as they are. Your sisters wedding "fiasco" would have become a cherished memory in my family. I need to stop & count my blessings. Your family needs a huge wake up call. How can they turn their back on a child because of something that's beyond his control. It makes me cry.

I can tell you're a wonderful mom & you will do whatever you can to give your kids what they need. Isn't homeschooling wonderful? In PA we have awesome cyber schools & that is what my daughter started doing this year. Once she caught on & got a feel for how to pace herself, she really started thriving with it. They gave her a laptop to use & she brings it downstairs & I help her. She has to learn study habits before next year, when she will start high school.

[bugsmom]

Hi, Kristine!

Welcome to our family. I'm so glad that you've found your way here.

Your story is just incredible to me. Although I have a "Hyper Jim Carey" on my hands, my family has been nothing but supportive, kind, and understanding to all of us when it comes to his disability. My heart breaks for you and your son. With that being said, it hasn't been an easy ride. I've had to educate my whole family about ADHD and anxiety, and its been a long process. The whole thing with your sister is incredible to me. Especially since she knew how hard it would be for your son to deliver. It's almost like she was setting him up for failure to say..."See!" Arrrggg! You did the right thing, I would have never paid for that. Like Misty said, that would have been a precious moment in my family.

I too, have starting down the homeschooling road this year. Long story short, I couldn't watch my beautiful boy suffer anymore. His self-esteem was none, his anxiety was off the charts, and I wanted him to find his joy again. In August, I began weaning him off his anxiety meds, and shortly after his adhd meds (except for Tenex for impulsivity). We began homeschooling and we've never looked back. I have my boy back and the best part is that his is his "true self". Yes, he's hyper as heck, but I can deal with it most days. I gear his schooling to his learning needs and his love for learning has come back. It's not a cake walk, but it is so much better having a happier kid, minus the meds, that doesn't have to deal with the negitive side effects. I know if we decide to put him back in school, he WILL have to medicated, and that's ok. You just take one day at a time.

Once again, I'm so glad you found us. You sound like such a great mom and I applaud you in advocating for your son. I can't wait to get to know you and your great kids.

[sapphyre]

Kristine, I am so sorry that your family cannot accept your son for who he is. You did the right thing not paying the photographer, like the others said, this should have been a cherished family memory! Not something to get upset about. Weddings do not have to be "perfect".

Welcome to this place! Everyone here is nice.

Oh, and apparently food additives (and even some normal food groups) can have a huge impact on ocd, and some on ADHD. My sister-in-law had a 4yo with OCD... she now has a 4yo without it, it went away when she changed his diet. We are in Australia, but I believe the numbers used for various products are the same internationally. www.fedupwithfoodadditives.info/

[kristine]

Home schooling for me, it has opened my eyes up to my sons world, as well as my daughters. It amazes me what he already know, and no one had to tell him, or teach him. They are self learners!!

Using five in a row also helps so much to. My son like to do things over and over again, till he’s knows everything he wants to know, and drives me bonkers! With five in a row it allows him to do that, and discover something new everyday. And now having two babies at home, I do it with both of them, and watch my son help out his little sister if she needs it. Such precious moments! And as a mommy with so many worries, I can breathe knowing how he’s doing, what he’s doing and never have to get that call, letter or anything from another school. That alone takes all the stresses away. Not having to answer to anyone for your child’s behaviour, I’m up for that any day! And your baby get a taste of real life, real socialization, other then the typic potty mouth kids in school! I think every parent should try home schooling, instead of relying on a failing school system that has let so many children down for years.

As to my family, I have learned that it not my war to win. Although it hurst at times when birthdays come around and you know they are going to be a no show. I remind myself that my sons life, how he lives, it is not negotiable. All I can say is, I look to his future. How I can help him find himself and know one day he’s going to turn out a good man. That alone while making memories and disproving the learning capabilities of a child with adhd, I’m totally strapped in for the ride!

I know I sound like a infomercial, so I’ll stop now!