Cannot Believe This....

[katiekat]

Well I am still reeling over the events that have taken place today. You guys, I am so at the end of my rope.
I was home sick today from work with a stomach virus when I got a phone call from the nurse at Sean's school. She wanted to let me know that she had a concerned person come to her regarding Sean. He went to his teacher and told her (GOD KNOWS WHY) that he has no boots and that we would not buy him any. He also showed her his sneakers he was wearing that were ripped and the bottom was coming off and said that we could not afford or would not (not sure about this) buy him new ones. The nurse wanted to know if we were "ok" or having any "problems" over here. Now here is the truth-Sean has boots. He took them to his mothers house (against our wishes) and they never came home. Now they are missing. I have looked at several stores and with all the snow we have had you cannot find snow boots anywhere. Secondly the sneakers he wore to school today he was told to throw in the trash. They are trash. He has 2 other pair in his room but chose to wear these. I lost it on the nurse. I let her know that Sean lies-especially to gain pity. I told her he like to portray himself as neglected and that not only does he have everything he needs he also has everything he wants. I was highly offended, I guess the best word would be mortified. I am mortified. My husband is irate. We just dont understand why he does these things. What is going through this kids mind?? Not sure how much more I can take. Scared he will falsely accuse one of us of something really serious and then then my parenting will be called into question. Please tell me, what would you do?

[charliegirl]

First, I would toss those sneakers, then when I did find him boots he would not be allowed to wear them to his birth pod's.

I think he needs to be punished. Make sure he understands that in the future if he lies and gets you or anyone in trouble he will lose something precious to him for at least 2 weeks. He is old enough to learn there are consequences to his actions. I would also explain that his lies just might get him sent to live with total strangers who won't be as nice about the things he does as you are.

My son used to make up stories but not like that. According to him our neighborhood was Payton Place, not to mention the tornados and floods that swept through our town.

I do think you need to talk to Sean and find out if the things he is lying about are fears he has. Is he afraid you will treat him like the birth pod does and not let him have nice things? He may need reassurance about that but he still has to learn to come to you with his fears and not tell tales to others.

[katiekat]

I did throw them out-in the trashcan in the garage so there is no confusion. He has lost his DSi for 1 week and I did let him know that if he is going to make accusations about our poor parenting then I hope he is prepared for a visit from the state and a foster home. Where he really might not have any boots or sneakers.

I dont know that this has any thing to do with fears as much as getting attention. This is not the first time this has happened and we are not the only people to be victims of it. He has accused several people of not feeding him. He has lied to his mother and told her my husband locks him in his room and also told a lunch aide that I dont give him enough food in his lunchbox and "starve him." This was said because I would not pack him 8 cookies in his lunchbox one day. He lied to his grandmother about me and about my best friend to me. The older he gets the more elaborate these stories are getting.

[charliegirl]

I remember lies you told us about here. Since I don't know him personally I figured I should give him the option of the benefit of the doubt.

I really don't know how you do it. My son drives me nuts and compared to Sean he is an angel.

[jj]

I really don't know how you manage to continually deal with this KK. It is just too much! I can understand your fear that he may tell a bigger lie that may send the state looking your way. When you tell Sean's phychiatrist about this stuff does he/she (sorry, forgot which gender) write it down? I hoping the answer is yes so you have some record of him lying.

I wish I could just come swoop you away from all this and I'm sure you wish someone would come take you away.

I wish I had some sound advice but I seem to become dumb-founded with some of the things you tell us Sean does.

Best I can do is pray for things to get better and send you hugs.

[misty]

I don't really have any advice either & I'm with CG in that I don't know how you deal with these things day after day. I thin k you're the strongest person I know. I'm curious to hear your answers to JJ's question too. If I think of anything that may possibly help, I'll come back & post it.

(((((HUGS)))))

[katiekat]

Yes, fortunately the psych. does have these things written down. I know also that when we first went to him and I had to fill out paperwork I wrote them down myself on the intake form. Also, I have made the counselor at his school aware of this behavior so she knows about it. She does split her time between 3 schools so I am assuming she was not at his school yesterday. Had she been, it might have not gone this far.

I do not know myself how I deal with it day in and day out. I was not feeling too strong yesterday as pondered packing my bags and moving out. I am beaten down and tired as there is a constant barrage of issues. It does not let up for one day. My husband and I did a lot of talking. The one thing that has saved my marriage is my husbands attitude toward the situation. He has never ever made me feel I am picking on Sean because he is not my bio. child. He knows how hard I have tried over the years and is aware of the fact that it is not just me that has difficulties with Sean. They are universal. My husband has had it also. Yesterday did him in. He is disgusted-he works hard for us to have all that we do-and for his own son to make people think we are destitute and neglectful just pushed him over the edge. We both came to the conclusion that if we separated there would be 3 very unhappy people however neither one of us believes that Sean would bat an eye. He just does not have the capability to care about others and their feelings. After a long talk with Sean about his actions and the repercussions on others he asked Sean what he had to say, Sean's answer "uh um I dont know. I guess maybe I shouldnt have said that?" He gave him a few more minutes to come up with something else. Sean just stared at him and shrugged his shoulders. My husband then said "I was giving you the opportunity to say you were sorry. Even if you didnt really mean it you could've said you were sorry, but it never even crossed your mind." It was at that moment that he realized that Seans problems are way more than he thought. I know we are dealing with a serious issue here. But I think he just got it yesterday. Anyway, I dont know what we're going to do. Im in the middle of filling out paperwork for a counseling center that also has a psych. but I dont know if this is enough. I dont really even know what more there is to do.

[misty]

Have you looked in to any inpatient therapy places? I was just thinking that if you could find a good one, they could work more intensely with Sean if he lived in. It also would give you guys a break & more time to research other possibilities. What about your husband? Does he do any research on Seans problems? Maybe he could take some of the responsibility off your shoulders by doing some research for you.

[katiekat]

Oh,I wanted to add a situation that became suspicious to me just yesterday after what happened. Last week Sean had a Book Fair at his school. He told me in the morning that it was just a "browsing day" and that they were not allowed to buy. If they wanted to purchase anything they would have to come back in the evening with a parent. This sounded weird to me but he insisted this was what his teacher said. Shortly after school started my husband gets a call from the school. Its Sean in the office carrying on and crying that he needs money for the Book Fair. My husband said he couldnt bring him money as he was just about at work and could not drive all the way back. "Coincidentally" that day Sean "won" a prize of $10 to spend at the Book Fair. He has no idea how he won. He said he did not fill anything out and does not know how he was chosen as the winner. I now have a feeling this was no contest but a handout. Im thimking he went to his teacher or someone and said Daddy has no money or something like that. I will get to the bottom of this one.

[jj]

That doesn't sound quite right and I hope you get to the bottom of that too. I hate to say this, because normally I wouldn't think this way, but I hope it gets around the school staff that Sean is known to lie. Maybe if the Staff are able to call him on his lies he may realize it isn't working to get what he wants.

I'm so glad you and your husband are pretty much on the same page about Sean. I don't think you could possibly handle it if you weren't.