Post by misty on Jan 7, 2007 14:46:05 GMT -5
katiekat..................Thread Started on Aug 26, 2006,
started a reward system with my son(he's 5) and at first it worked wonders. We made a chart,he earned stickers,after so many stickers he earned a prize. Great I thought...but not so fast. Now this kid thinks he should earn something for breathing properly. The chart is based on him doing things the first time he's asked. What's the difference between positive reinforcement and bribery? And how can I make him understand that he doesnt get a sticker simply because he exists? Help!
misty
UGH...Charts! My daughter is 12, ADD inattentive type. We have been through WAY too many chart systems!
I know just what you mean about expecting a prize for just breathing too! [image] I remember when Shannon was about 6. I bought all these nifty little prizes at the dollar store. Like you said, it worked great at the beginning until she started thinking of the prizes as her God-given right.
What I did at that point was make the Prize a bit bigger & up the amount of stickers she needed to get them. Also, once she had the habit down, I took it off the chart. She was then just expected to keep doing the good behavior without getting a prize for it. And I would add a different behavior to the chart.
Positive reinforcement doesnt always need to be a prize, either. Praising & encourage them verbally & with hugs & kisses, works, as well as just time spent doing the things THEY like to do. You dont know HOW MANY times I sat & played Barbies even when my heart wasn't in it!
Well, I'm sure others will have some great ideas to add too.
Charlie Girl
My son at 11, is the same way. I agree with Misty that the only thing to do when he decides you should pay him for everything is to up the ante.
Figure out something he really wants and make sure he has to work towards it. Instead of a prize for doing what was expected for one day, have him earn a certain number of points before he can earn something. You could also add a consequence to it that he loses points for not complying.
You need to be careful that you don't become so regimented that there is no room for him to be a little boy though or it will backfire. ex: Its ok to question but it isn't ok to argu for an hour
A woman on another site I go to puts marbles in a container for her son so he can see them accumulate. If he misbehaves, he loses a marble. It seems to work better than stars on a chart for some kids as they see the actual quantity. I think she also has a list of rewards and how many marbles it takes to earn that. If he wants a little thing, he can use X number of marbles and save the rest. If he wants something that uses a lot of marbles, he has to save them up until he gets enough to "purchase" it. That way, you are hopefully getting the desired behavior but he isn't being paid for breathing. He gets a marble and thats it. LOL
The object is to get him to make a habit of the desired behavior, then move on to another behavior he is having trouble with and just expect him to continue the good one he has mastered. Celebrate in some way when you remove on from the list. Possibly you could continue the consequence of removing a marble for not doing it, but stop adding one when he does it. Just make sure he understands that he no longer earns one because he has grown up enough to not need a reward for it.
unicorn-tiff'smom
Charts only work for me for a little while, then as everyone else has stated, they want a sticker for breathing. lol.
I have gotten as far as buying the marbles for the marble system, but haven't tried that.
Right now I am trying just to get her in the habit of doing things, because it is expected of her for her whole life. Not just to get a prize.
jj
Some schools have been using the marble system for some time and it seems to work great! I think that other gal at the other site was smart to adapt it to use at home and some parents swear by it.
This is how the schools did it:
All the marbles start out in one bowl. Whenever the class did something wonderful she moved X amount of marbles to the other bowl, likewise if she needed to take away some marbles. Whenever the second fish bowl was completely full the class had a party.
I really like this because there is not an immediate reward. And of course it doesn't have to be marbles. I remember someone saying they used those glass-like colored rocks and another used a jar full of those little toy army men.
Glad you brought that up Charliegirl.
misty
From all I've read about the marble system, Katiekat, your son is the perfect age to start it! My daughter, on the other hand, is 12 & I tried the marbles but it didn't work with her. She could've cared less whether she recieved or lost them.
started a reward system with my son(he's 5) and at first it worked wonders. We made a chart,he earned stickers,after so many stickers he earned a prize. Great I thought...but not so fast. Now this kid thinks he should earn something for breathing properly. The chart is based on him doing things the first time he's asked. What's the difference between positive reinforcement and bribery? And how can I make him understand that he doesnt get a sticker simply because he exists? Help!
misty
UGH...Charts! My daughter is 12, ADD inattentive type. We have been through WAY too many chart systems!
I know just what you mean about expecting a prize for just breathing too! [image] I remember when Shannon was about 6. I bought all these nifty little prizes at the dollar store. Like you said, it worked great at the beginning until she started thinking of the prizes as her God-given right.
What I did at that point was make the Prize a bit bigger & up the amount of stickers she needed to get them. Also, once she had the habit down, I took it off the chart. She was then just expected to keep doing the good behavior without getting a prize for it. And I would add a different behavior to the chart.
Positive reinforcement doesnt always need to be a prize, either. Praising & encourage them verbally & with hugs & kisses, works, as well as just time spent doing the things THEY like to do. You dont know HOW MANY times I sat & played Barbies even when my heart wasn't in it!
Well, I'm sure others will have some great ideas to add too.
Charlie Girl
My son at 11, is the same way. I agree with Misty that the only thing to do when he decides you should pay him for everything is to up the ante.
Figure out something he really wants and make sure he has to work towards it. Instead of a prize for doing what was expected for one day, have him earn a certain number of points before he can earn something. You could also add a consequence to it that he loses points for not complying.
You need to be careful that you don't become so regimented that there is no room for him to be a little boy though or it will backfire. ex: Its ok to question but it isn't ok to argu for an hour
A woman on another site I go to puts marbles in a container for her son so he can see them accumulate. If he misbehaves, he loses a marble. It seems to work better than stars on a chart for some kids as they see the actual quantity. I think she also has a list of rewards and how many marbles it takes to earn that. If he wants a little thing, he can use X number of marbles and save the rest. If he wants something that uses a lot of marbles, he has to save them up until he gets enough to "purchase" it. That way, you are hopefully getting the desired behavior but he isn't being paid for breathing. He gets a marble and thats it. LOL
The object is to get him to make a habit of the desired behavior, then move on to another behavior he is having trouble with and just expect him to continue the good one he has mastered. Celebrate in some way when you remove on from the list. Possibly you could continue the consequence of removing a marble for not doing it, but stop adding one when he does it. Just make sure he understands that he no longer earns one because he has grown up enough to not need a reward for it.
unicorn-tiff'smom
Charts only work for me for a little while, then as everyone else has stated, they want a sticker for breathing. lol.
I have gotten as far as buying the marbles for the marble system, but haven't tried that.
Right now I am trying just to get her in the habit of doing things, because it is expected of her for her whole life. Not just to get a prize.
jj
Some schools have been using the marble system for some time and it seems to work great! I think that other gal at the other site was smart to adapt it to use at home and some parents swear by it.
This is how the schools did it:
All the marbles start out in one bowl. Whenever the class did something wonderful she moved X amount of marbles to the other bowl, likewise if she needed to take away some marbles. Whenever the second fish bowl was completely full the class had a party.
I really like this because there is not an immediate reward. And of course it doesn't have to be marbles. I remember someone saying they used those glass-like colored rocks and another used a jar full of those little toy army men.
Glad you brought that up Charliegirl.
misty
From all I've read about the marble system, Katiekat, your son is the perfect age to start it! My daughter, on the other hand, is 12 & I tried the marbles but it didn't work with her. She could've cared less whether she recieved or lost them.
