I just want to cry...

[misty]

unicorn-tiff'smom


I am ready to cry and have cried over this. Tiff is a horrible sleeper. Always has been, I think always will. But it is really to the point that I am so tired that I can't see straight and am so frustrated, that I don't know what to do. Tiff is still taking Melatonin. Pediatrician yesterday said is was ok to take is as she does. Even with that to help her calm down enough to do to sleep, it doesn't help keep her asleep all night. She is up at least once a night and sometimes twice a night. She comes in and wakes me up and then I walk her back to bed and then it takes sometimes a few minutes to go back to sleep. Last night it took 45 minutes! Then I am awake. Sometimes I get so frustrated and angry with her for getting up at night, that I feel horrible in the morning for getting so mad. I know that she can't help it. It is just that she can't get up when I go to get her up at her usual time. Then she can't be learning as well as she could and her grades are slipping.

Do any of you experience the same thing? Either with your children or yourself? What do you do to sleep through the night, or is this something that me and her will have to work around.


jj

Unicorn,

Don't you think Tiff is old enough that you could explain to her that you need your sleep, that if she wakes up she will have to find a way to put herself back to sleep. Honestly, I don't think this would be a mean thing but a thing to teach her independence.

Perhaps if she knew she couldn't disturb you, she would find a way to go back to sleep more easily. Just a thought.

And hugs to you. You must be exhasted.
Or maybe have her take some steps toward that goal. Like if she wakes up you could tell her she can grab her blanket and sleep next to your bed but she is not to disturb you. Maybe, afterwhile she would not want to bother getting up to go to your room at all.

These may not be good ideas but I'm just sort of thinking outloud.



misty

Oh my Gosh.....You could be me describing Shannon a few years ago! We went for YEARS struggling to get her to sleep in her own room & stay there.

And yes, I used to get frustrated & yell at her too. And I felt horribly guilty the next morning.

Finally we got sick of being sleep deprived , sick of yelling, sick of feeling guilty & just gave up. We let her sleep on a matress in our room (on the floor) or on the couch. At least we were getting sleep that way. You know, at the time it felt like it was NEVER gonna end & she'd NEVER sleep on her own & stay there.

But it ends...it really does. Shannons 12 now & she really does fall asleep & stay there. She still takes melatonin, but only occassionally when shes having a hard time getting to sleep.

I'm glad we made the decision to stop the night time struggles. They grow up so fast...if they need the extra security of being in our room at night, or on the couch, etc, then I recommend letting them. Shannons not warped from it & she eventually outgrew the need. If she wakes up in the middle of the night now, she listens to a CD or reads until she can fall back to sleep, she no longer needs to hear mommys voice or be near us to do so. And in a way, thats sad. Shes growing up.


mama4ever

I agree with Misty. We did the same thing, with our oldest it was a sleeping bag in our room. We now have a bigger house and have a extra bed in our room. Our 2 younger ones use it when needed. It is a scary world out there and some kids need the extra sercuity. Lots of other countries have what they call the family bed.

I don't know if this will work for your daughter, but when I have trouble sleeping I also have tried evening prim rose oil before bed and I was told black cohash might help. I tried the eveing prim rose and I think it helped.

Please try to get some sleep, without mom together it is hard for the rest of the house to be together.



Charlie Girl

The others have a great idea about having her sleep next to your bed but not disturb you.

Since you have already determined that she is stressed and that is causing her fear of seperation from you, maybe stress is also keeping her from sleeping through the night. It may be time to look for an anti stress supplement or to ask the dr about something she could take before bed.



lostmyshoe


Hi Uni,

So sorry you are going through this. I think everyone had some really great ideas and I sure hope one of them works for you. Wherever she sleeps, the important thing is that you both get your sleep. I have trouble getting Becca to bed at night sometimes and that can be frustrating, but the worst is getting her up in the morning. We are working on a solution to that problem currently by telling her she is going to bed a half hour early if she can't get up on time. She seems to be doing better. There have been days that I have been exhausted in the morning myself because I get insomnia sometimes and then have to get up and fight with her to get up. I end up feeling terrible the whole day. Thank goodness the earlier bed time seems to be helping. I understand how the whole thing can just be so frustrating and exhausting. Hang in there Uni, it does get better. Hope you get some good rest tonight.


unicorn-tiff'smom

Thanks guys. The pediatrician suggested to Tiff to put together a box that she can leave by her bed for when she gets up. She suggested things like a favorite blanket (which she already sleeps with), a stuffed animal that she doesn't already sleep with. A CD player with some CD's of things like waves, or rain or whatever relaxation CD's that she may like, and maybe a bottle of water. I do think a lot of it is the security issue. And we are working on that. I do praise her a lot when she does make it through the night. BF would have issues with having her sleep next to us on our floor. So I think with that one, I'll just lie next to her bed as I do now until she goes back to sleep in her own bed. Sometimes we do go on the couch. It is one of those large ones that make and L shape so we can both fit. If she wakes up after he leaves early in the morning, I just let her stay on his side.
I worry the most about as I said how tired she gets. By the end of the week, she has such bags and dark circles. I have explained about how much mommy needs a good nights sleep too. She understands and apologizes in the morning.

I'll keep you posted. Wish us both a full nights sleep tonight.

Thanks again for all of your help and for just listening.

[misty]

leigh

I relate to this, and sure feel for you. My ten year old was always afraid to sleep alone. Anxiety! Like with Tiff, he would wake me up over and over if he woke up and I wasn't there. When we moved to this house over four years ago (where the master bedroom is on the main floor), I finally gave up (due to me not being able to fall back to sleep myself) and I started just going to bed in his room when it was time for me to go to sleep every night. Then his baby brother started waking, so I moved the older into his room, and I would go up to sleep in their room every night. I just decided that the most important thing was the goal of getting a decent night's sleep. I was a walking zombie until I started doing this. They both have full size beds.

Fast forward to now, my son started sleeping on his own and moved out of his baby brother's room this past summer (July). He just decided by himself to do this. It was HUGE relief. I had tried all the other stuff with him over the years (special comfort items, a sound machine, nightlight), but nothing worked for him until he just decided he should go back to his own room and stay there. We haven't had any problems with waking since. And I really don't regret the way I handled it. We all got sleep, and it didn't really take me away from my husband except for during the time we'd BOTH be asleep anyway. Some may disagree with it, but it worked for us. I finally got some sleep and woke up happy!

Hugs to you. I know exactly what you're going through.



unicorn-tiff'smom


Thanks Leigh. I used to climb into her bed and lay there until she went to sleep again. She is too big, size wise now for me to get into her bed. So I either get in the rocker or just lay on the floor next to her bed. And most of the time I fall asleep there for an hour or so and waunder back in my bed. Most of the time I do get enough rest, it has just been lately with a lot of other things going on that it is getting old. But hopefully she'll outgrow a lot of it.

Oh by the way, she slept all night last night, whoo hoo!!!


jj

I'm so glad she slept all night last night. Since you said boyfriend wouldn't appreciate her sleeping on the floor next to your bed how about this??? This may seem pretty stupid but how about a baby monitor? Where she could talk to you if she wanted instead of coming into your room? Maybe just hearing your voice would be reassuring to her. Hey, your desperate and sometimes it may take desperate measures and somewhat goofy measures to find a solution. Bottom line is we need to help you both get some sleep.


unicorn-tiff'smom


I never thought of a baby monitor. Good idea JJ. Just worried that it would wake him up too and then we'd all be up That may not be the best in our situation. With the drive he has, he needs to sleep all night more then me. He drives almost 2 hrs one way each day.

She is exhausted again tonight, so I am keeping her up until 9 and then sending her off. Hopefully she'll sleep again all night tonight. And as soon as she is asleep, I'll turn in, to get some extra rest.



misty

Uni, heres a couple great links i found about sleep disturbances.

What is sleep hygiene? Sleep hygiene is the development and following of behaviors surrounding bedtime and sleep that increase the likelihood of a person getting more productive and restful sleep more consistently. The U.S. National Institutes of Health suggest some important things you can do to ensure that your child gets enough sleep:

www.behavior-consultant.com/discuss-sleephygiene.htm

Sleep disorders are classified into two major categories, dyssomnias and parasomnias. The following discussion of sleep difficulties will be presented within the context of these two categories. Finally, a number of treatment approaches for sleep disturbances will be outlined.

www.adhd.com.au/sleep.htm



Charlie Girl

Thats really interesting. I never realized there were two distinct types of sleep disturbance. Who knew?

I hope the links help you to help Tiff, Uni. I hope she doesn't have another nightmare.



misty

Hey! Listen to this:

There are plenty of natural alternatives that may help people fall asleep and stay asleep.

* Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of short-term psychotherapy that involves modifying sleep habits and behavoirs, such as:
o using your bed and bedroom only for sleep
o going to be and waking up at the same time every day
o avoid napping during the day
o getting out of bed if you're having trouble falling asleep for longer than 15 minutes
o avoiding caffeine during the day
o minimizing light and noise in the bedroom

CBT is one of the better-researched natural sleep aids. For example, a study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association

# Visualization is another drug-free option. It involves imagining a relaxing scene using all the senses. It is generally done about 20-25 minutes before the desired bedtime. For example, if you're imagining yourself on a tropical island, think of the way the warm breeze feels against your skin. Imagine the sweet scent of the flowers, look at the water and listen the waves…you get the picture. Involving more senses is generally thought to be more effective.

# Progressive Muscle Relaxation has also been explored as a natural remedy for sleep. Starting at one end of the body, it involves tensing then relaxing one muscle group at a time, working your way to the other end of the body. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Although melatonin is a popular sleep remedy, recent evidence suggests it is not as effective as once thought. although melatonin is produced in the body in very small amounts, the amounts found in supplements and used in studies have contained much larger amounts. Short term side effects can include headache and sleeplessness, and it is not known what the long-term side effects are.

I got all the info above from a much longer article found at:

altmedicine.about.com/od/drcathywongsanswers/a/sleep_aids.htm?nl=1