Post by lostmyshoe on Feb 10, 2007 7:45:35 GMT -5
Hi Everyone,
Finally a weekend with no activities and some time to sit down and write and what I need to write about is something I wish I didn't. Becca went to another school dance last night. She came back from the last one upset and I was hoping this time it would be better. She was so excited when I dropped her and her friend off. We spent hours fixing her hair, putting on a little makeup, and her clothes and jewelry. She really did look pretty and she was happy, but sadly the happiness turned to tears by the time I picked her up.
I'm sure some of you know that Becca was recently having some problems with some of her peers picking on her from my posts. Things had seemed to get better and she told me they weren't saying anything to her anymore, but it's the non-verbal rejection that is really hurting her now. Apparently, there have been other incidents that she hasn't told me about because she indicated it last night. She said there are things in the past that she hasn't shared with anyone. Usually, eventually she tells me everything and I am hoping I will find out what these other incidents were about. She said they were harmless but still hurtful.
I feel so sad and my heart is breaking for my daughter. I thought I was doing and saying everything I could to help her but apparently it wasn't enough. What's really tough is that by 7th grade friendships are basically made, certain groups of people are bonded and many circles become closed. The same groups go through High School together. The popular crowd sticks together and so do the other lower ranking social groups. Things did get better for me in High School because I switched from a Catholic School after 8th grade. I mentioned the option of Becca doing the opposite as she is in public school now but she doesn't want to do that and I can understand that but I hope somehow High School will be better.
Becca and I talked a long time last night after the dance and I shared with her some of my own experiences when I was her age. I told her that by the time I got to High School things really did get better for me. I also told her that even though it may feel like it, school doesn't last forever and that she has her whole life in front of her and that she will meet many people and have so many oppurtunites in her life. I told her how important it is that she does well in school so that the rest of her life can be a happy and successful one. We still have to get through the rest of this year and next somehow though. I'm going to try to read more books to help her socially. I wish we had a class. I've read some posts about that and was wondering if anyone has info on actual classes that may help Becca. I thought by having ADD myself that I could teach her a lot on getting along socially from my own experiences and what I've learned as well as reading and getting advice from others but apparently it wasn't enough. My heart is broken and I can feel her pain. I wish so much I could make things better for her.
When Becca was diagnosed, as some of you know, we chose not to put Becca on medication because she was going into puberty and she was growing and also a very picky eater already and on the lean side. She's also very sensitive to medications and gets headaches easily like me. She's always done very well in school academically so that was also a major factor in our decision. I'm beginning to wonder if that choice was a mistake. I don't know what the benefits are socially with meds. Becca's never really been a discipline problem or anything in school, just had trouble socializing and was a little in-attentive in her younger grades. Becca has always had a few friends but was never with the in crowd. Becca really has come a long way and has done well acclamating herself but she's always been a little bit behind socially and now it has really hit her hard. She seems to know the wrong and right things to say and do now but it seems to be too late. Having just a few friends was okay for a long time but now that is hurting her and she is really feeling rejected by the rest of her peers. Some are quite mean from what she tells me. She said she doesn't want to be that kind of person but at the same time I can see she just wants to be accepted by them and not feel left out when her friends aren't around.
The school dances seem to be a huge reminder of where Becca stands in her social status which she is not happy with at all right now. She knows that being popular isn't what is really important but it's just the acceptance of everyone that she seems to need right now. I told her it might be a good idea to just skip the next dance. From my own experiences, I remember that dances, especially as I got older, seemed to be enjoyed mostly by the popular crowd. I went to a few and stopped going altogether, but maybe that's not what Becca wants to do.
I'm starting to dread it when these dances come up. Years ago people had much more morals and empathy for others. These days we live in such a self-centered shallow world. My heart goes out to my daughter and children her age. I found a website with some books that I am going to try to get a hold of and sit down and read. It may be a website one of you mentioned but I'm going to share the link in case anyone hasn't seen it before. If any of you have read these books, please do feel free to share if they were helpful. Sorry such a long post. I am just so sad for my daughter. I'm thinking about trying the church youth group. I'm hoping Becca will consider that and maybe she can find some nice people there. Thanks so much for reading my post. Here is the link to the website I found, plus the website of the author:
www.adhd-made-simple.com/Social_Skills.html
www.addept.org/
Finally a weekend with no activities and some time to sit down and write and what I need to write about is something I wish I didn't. Becca went to another school dance last night. She came back from the last one upset and I was hoping this time it would be better. She was so excited when I dropped her and her friend off. We spent hours fixing her hair, putting on a little makeup, and her clothes and jewelry. She really did look pretty and she was happy, but sadly the happiness turned to tears by the time I picked her up.
I'm sure some of you know that Becca was recently having some problems with some of her peers picking on her from my posts. Things had seemed to get better and she told me they weren't saying anything to her anymore, but it's the non-verbal rejection that is really hurting her now. Apparently, there have been other incidents that she hasn't told me about because she indicated it last night. She said there are things in the past that she hasn't shared with anyone. Usually, eventually she tells me everything and I am hoping I will find out what these other incidents were about. She said they were harmless but still hurtful.
I feel so sad and my heart is breaking for my daughter. I thought I was doing and saying everything I could to help her but apparently it wasn't enough. What's really tough is that by 7th grade friendships are basically made, certain groups of people are bonded and many circles become closed. The same groups go through High School together. The popular crowd sticks together and so do the other lower ranking social groups. Things did get better for me in High School because I switched from a Catholic School after 8th grade. I mentioned the option of Becca doing the opposite as she is in public school now but she doesn't want to do that and I can understand that but I hope somehow High School will be better.
Becca and I talked a long time last night after the dance and I shared with her some of my own experiences when I was her age. I told her that by the time I got to High School things really did get better for me. I also told her that even though it may feel like it, school doesn't last forever and that she has her whole life in front of her and that she will meet many people and have so many oppurtunites in her life. I told her how important it is that she does well in school so that the rest of her life can be a happy and successful one. We still have to get through the rest of this year and next somehow though. I'm going to try to read more books to help her socially. I wish we had a class. I've read some posts about that and was wondering if anyone has info on actual classes that may help Becca. I thought by having ADD myself that I could teach her a lot on getting along socially from my own experiences and what I've learned as well as reading and getting advice from others but apparently it wasn't enough. My heart is broken and I can feel her pain. I wish so much I could make things better for her.
When Becca was diagnosed, as some of you know, we chose not to put Becca on medication because she was going into puberty and she was growing and also a very picky eater already and on the lean side. She's also very sensitive to medications and gets headaches easily like me. She's always done very well in school academically so that was also a major factor in our decision. I'm beginning to wonder if that choice was a mistake. I don't know what the benefits are socially with meds. Becca's never really been a discipline problem or anything in school, just had trouble socializing and was a little in-attentive in her younger grades. Becca has always had a few friends but was never with the in crowd. Becca really has come a long way and has done well acclamating herself but she's always been a little bit behind socially and now it has really hit her hard. She seems to know the wrong and right things to say and do now but it seems to be too late. Having just a few friends was okay for a long time but now that is hurting her and she is really feeling rejected by the rest of her peers. Some are quite mean from what she tells me. She said she doesn't want to be that kind of person but at the same time I can see she just wants to be accepted by them and not feel left out when her friends aren't around.
The school dances seem to be a huge reminder of where Becca stands in her social status which she is not happy with at all right now. She knows that being popular isn't what is really important but it's just the acceptance of everyone that she seems to need right now. I told her it might be a good idea to just skip the next dance. From my own experiences, I remember that dances, especially as I got older, seemed to be enjoyed mostly by the popular crowd. I went to a few and stopped going altogether, but maybe that's not what Becca wants to do.
I'm starting to dread it when these dances come up. Years ago people had much more morals and empathy for others. These days we live in such a self-centered shallow world. My heart goes out to my daughter and children her age. I found a website with some books that I am going to try to get a hold of and sit down and read. It may be a website one of you mentioned but I'm going to share the link in case anyone hasn't seen it before. If any of you have read these books, please do feel free to share if they were helpful. Sorry such a long post. I am just so sad for my daughter. I'm thinking about trying the church youth group. I'm hoping Becca will consider that and maybe she can find some nice people there. Thanks so much for reading my post. Here is the link to the website I found, plus the website of the author:
www.adhd-made-simple.com/Social_Skills.html
www.addept.org/
I was about to conquer the world but then I got distracted by something shiny.
I talk & talk & talk to Shannon about social interactions & her feelings, but the bottom line seems to be that she's happy enough with boys as friends & has no desire to change. But still I worry!
