Childcare issue... HELP!!!

[jill]

Here is the situation, Annette's childcare is offering a summer camp, and when I saw the brochure we were already planning to send her to the one she went to last year where she had a blast. She was in a room with other ADHD kids and learning disabled. They did field trips every Friday and so on she loved it. Well when I saw their advertisement I commented "she would probably like it however the hours would not work for me" as a friendly as a matter of fact comment with no promises. One week later they said they changed the hours for "us" and then I felt like we had to go with their plan. They told Annette of the activities they would be doing and she said she had wanted it, for us the money would have been more but what the kid wants goes.
Two weeks ago I spoke to one of the Directors and shared with them I am taking her off the meds for the summer (what we always do) and asked them if it would be a problem for them. The one Director appeared not happy with the news and said we would have to see how her behavior goes. The same week I asked if they would be providing lunches or would we have to pack one every day. Friday I had asked if Annette had any friends in the group and was told she plays with a lot of kids. Ask the child and she tells me no one talks to her.
Well over the weekend she was upset stating she did not want to go for the summer there and felt it would be boring etc. On Monday I called them to tell them of her change of heart and asked for them to talk to her and tell her their plans for the summer to help out. What I got was attitude when i picked her up and was told if she did not want their program whatever we want to do is fine.
Today when I asked about the fall forms to fill out and tried to explain to them what is going on with Annette (the no friend issue etc) I got attitude that it is us not them with a problem. I got the ultimatum thrown at me that if she does not go over the summer then she cannot return in the fall. I have been upset since they took my questions and turned it into me complaining and not satisfied with services instead of what it really was.
Am I in the wrong because I feel like i did something wrong and be honest. I hate ending this with them on a sour note and Annette is crying over never seeing them again. We keep telling her it is mommy they are mad at not her and she did nothing wrong. I am feeling horrible and stressed. :'(I asked my questions out of concern for my child's happiness not on how they watch the kids they are good providers. Please help.

[misty]

Jill, I think their responses were totally unprofessional & I'm so angry for your sweet daughter that I want to yell at those people myself! I've read over your post 3 times & I can't see where you did a thing wrong...I can't believe they'd take all their services away just because Anette wasn't happy in their camp. That's highly unprofessional! I think I'd be looking for another child care altogether, but its a tough call because of course you don't want to separate your daughter from her friends.

[charliegirl]

Oh boy. It sounds like there are a lot of issues here. She has to go over the summer or can't go back in the fall but if they decide her being unmedicated is a problem, they are going to tell you to medicate or she can't go.

You should have been provided with a list of requirements including whether the meals are provided or you have to pack her one.

It sounds to me like they are just feeling their way here and don't have a clear cut agenda yet. Its getting a little close for them to still not have their minds made up.

How happy have you been with the program she has been attending there? Are they working with you for her benefit? Why do they say she has a lot of friends but she says no one talks to her? They can't tell you the names of any of her specific friends who are going? That makes me wonder if they even know who her friends are or if she has any.

If your child has no friends there then its their problem. You aren't there to help her develop friendships.

Frankly, I would seriously question whether that place really is good for her at any time.

What are your heart and your gut telling you about this place now? Annette will adjust to another child care provider if you feel its in her best interests to switch. She is going to be scared of a new one even if she isn't happy with the old one. She knows what to expect in the old one.

I have a problem with anyone saying you have to send your child to their camp or else. Its blackmail. If its summer camp then its optional, or it should be.

I can't tell you what to do as I don't have the whole picture but I can say that if they can't answer your questions without getting upset with you, I wouldn't trust them. She is your precious child and they should be willing to answer any questions, whether they are practical like the lunches or personal as in who her friends are. When they get defensive it makes me wonder what they are hiding, what they don't want you to know.

They are hired by you to take care of your daughter and as such, they should be willing to answer any questions you have that concern her.

[bugsmom]

Oh Jill...I have to agree with CG and Misty on this one. Something just isn't sitting right with me on this situation. I have never heard of a daycare situation in which you are required to attend their summer program. Like CG said, this is your baby, you have the right to ask questions and inquire about ANY situation that comes up. This whole things just burns me up...

Is there anyway you can still get Annette into the summer program that she loved last year. I pray that they still have some openings so she can enjoy the summer and not have to feel like she did something wrong.

Please let us know what happens with this situation. Hugs to you! (((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))

[jill]

Thanks everyone, I did get her into the one she loved last year I was told they are happy to have her back. I am up early before work and did not sleep much last night. I did do a contract for the one camp at that time I felt I should for I did not want to step on toes and at the time I thought my child wanted it. I was told by her teachers she my (child) tends to paralel play so when i am told she plays with many kids that is probably what is going on. I have the summer to look for alternate child care but I still feel like I did something wrong in some ways and do not want things ended in a sour note still. My girl told me her only friend was a pre-k girl yes a younger child and she still clearly does not want their summer program so we are done and she cried last night hearing us talking. Talking in private is hard around here for she goes where I go and stayed awake in her room and heard us and began crying so I held her and told her she did nothing wrong it is all mommies fault ( in case she see's them in school). I am having grandma get her so she does not go to them afterschool today. I feel un-confortable and do not want her repeating what we were talking about.
Prior to this I was very happy with their service and my child has adored one of the Directors who I felt had an attachment to her as well and she was the one who gave me the altamatum. We used them for 3 years lots of change for my girl, next year she goes to a new school and they would have bused her to them after school.

[bugsmom]

Jill I'm so glad you were able to get Annette into the program from last year! It's sounds wonderful and they really seem to like her a lot by what you said.

Please don't beat yourself up about this situation. You were in the complete right to question your daughters care. You did nothing wrong. In the end, she sounds like she will be much happier in this summer program, and thats all that matters!

[charliegirl]

I'm happy to know she will be going to a camp that you know from experience she enjoys.

I hope everything works out for you for next year. I just can't imagine anyone having the nerve to try to force you to enroll her in their program.

Parallel play isn't the same as playing with other kids and for them to say she plays with others when she doesn't really bothers me. Thats the kind of thing you need to know. She needs social skills and ignoring that doesn't say much for them.

[jill]

I am doing better and already took care of the child care need for the fall and winter. An old friend and neighbor who used to live next door moved back in the neighborhood and we got re-aqauinted and she said she will watch her after school and she has a son same age who also has ADHD. She does not work at this time so it is perfect and I plan to get them together so she is comfortable with her. It is a done deal over with.

[charliegirl]

Thats working out really well for you then. I'm so glad.

[misty]

Thats wonderful Jill! She'll be in great hands, with someone who knows ADHD & she should adjust beautifully. I'm so relieved you worked everything out so fast!