Mouthy Behavior

[motherof2]

I am new to this and am glad I found this website. I have a 13 year old son who has ADHD. Some days are better than others but what my main problem is in the morning my son's mouth gets him into trouble. Any suggestions. It puts alot of strain on everyone in the family. My Mom says to ignore it as she remembers my brothers throwing their fits in the morning getting ready for school but then I have to live with my husband telling me I give into him and don't punish him enough for his talking back and cussing. Once his medication kicks in though he is like a different child. HELP

[misty]

HI! I have a 13 year old too, so I feel your pain! Mines a girl so I have those monthly hormones to contend with as well & it can get pretty annoying & frustrating! I deal with it in different ways, depending on the circumstances. If shes getting mouthy to try & get her way or get out of doing something then my answer is a definite "NO" to what ever she wants & I stop responding after that. I've found that if she can drag me into an argument it just escalates; if I just tell her no & stop responding she winds down much faster.Later, when she's calm & back to talking normally I'll bring it up & get her to have a rational conversation about the issue. If she's just being mouthy for no reason then I send her up to her room & tell her she can come talk to me later when shes ready to talk respectfully. I think the biggest tip I can give you is just don't get sucked into an argument & just refuse to be talked to disrespectfully. It takes time, but my daughter is realizing that her attitude will get her nowhere fast!

[motherof2]

Thanks for your advice Misty. My son usually doesn't give up though once I tell him to go to his room. He gets so upset in the morning mainly because he won't get out of bed and he runs late and I have to get to work plus get him to school. Then he's mad because the clothes he has just don't look right in the mirror once he has them on. Then we hear the cussing and yelling from him I've also tried leaving the house and having him ride his bike. That helps and teaches him a lesson for awhile but like I said the rest of the family suffers once I leave as the cussing starts and I don't like my 10 year old hearing him cuss like a sailor. Then again I have to hear my husband tell me I am to soft on him. I also think you know your the parent too!!!! But my husband and son just don't see eye to eye. They never have. They are two of a kind. I know I hear alot of kids these days cussing. I was at a football game a few months back and I heard a child cussing like he was 30 yrs. old. I could not believe it.

[misty]

I know--I hate the cussing too. My daughter doesn't cuss much, but she does get mouthy! Shannon use to be a bear in the morning too. I found out she really wanted time to watch TV or play on the computer before she leaves for the bus so I finally told her one day that on days she got herself up & ready (COMPLETELY ready) without the hysterics & drama, then she could have the rest of the time before leaving to do what she wanted. It took a month or so, but she was earning free computer time daily eventually. That was a year or so ago. Little by little she started getting herself up earlier & earlier to have more time. She gets herself up now at 5 am so she has a solid hour after shes ready. I look back to the days when just getting her up was a nightmare & can't believe how different it is now, so it CAN be done!

[jj]

My sister is going through this very thing with her ADHD daughter (not cussing but mouthy)and I had some personal experience with the mouth of my grand niece that I had custody of for a while and it was the mornings as well. (Boy do I have stories I could tell you, LOL) Anyway, I was sucked into the arguing and drama for a long time and it was getting us nowhere fast. I don't know if he is trying to get you involved, conversationally, when he gets upset in the mornings but if he is, don't let him do it.

I've also heard others suggest that having the clothes picked out the night before as well as all school work ready to go makes for smoother mornings. Perhaps you are already doing this.

My personal opinion about the cussing. I just would not tolerate it. I would have consequences for that. I guess there just has to be lines drawn and if the cussing is the least of your worries then pick your battles and stick to your guns no matter what. I know....easier said than done but we all know consistency is the key. I also know being consistant is HARD!!!

I feel for you.

[jill]

I say ignore some of it if it is not that bad and try talking to her about it that you cannot go through life that way. What I do is pick and choose my battles.

[motherof2]

Thanks for everyones advice. I am willing to try anything to help the situation.

[lostmyshoe]

Hi M02,

I have a 13 year old too and I have had a real tough time with her being mouthy and uncooperative at times. I find that when I ignore her completely it drives her crazy. The other big thing I've done lately is to take away a privilege that she really enjoys. That seems to help a great deal. The biggest thing with me is that I would get into the argument. I find that if I am silent, the argument and nasty attitude seem to improve. I also pretty much let her be in the morning except to nag about brushing her teeth, sorry won't let up on that one, LOL. It really is hard to stand firm and not give in but if you are consistent it really does help.