9 yr old with ODD and ADHD

[misty]

waystressed

Hi
This is my first time posting on here. I have a 9 yr old boy with ODD and ADHD. He never wants to leave the house and if he does go anywhere with us after about 1 hour he starts to whine and wants to go home.
The school has made his life hell for the past 4 yrs. Now the school has told him he can be home schooled. Like it wasn't hard for me to get him to school in the first place and now he wont go at all. He will sit down for about a half hour and does all the work I give him but after that he wants out of the work and wants to play.
He is very smart and is lovable and makes you laugh all the time with the things he says but he is here alone with no friends. And no one lives by us with children we want him to play with.
I'm just so worried I wont be able to teach him all he needs to know and learn.
I'm so stressed out over all this. And was hoping someone else maybe having the same thing or has been here before with their child.
Thanks for letting me bend your ear it hard to have kids like this.



misty

There are homeschool organizations you can join that get the hiomeschool kids together for field trips & activities. That might help the social aspect. Perhaps he'll make a couple friends & it would give him something fun to do outside the house!

Have you tried boy scouts? My cousin has a 7 year old ADHD.ODD son & he just ADORES boy scouts! He's made some friends & they do some cool activities!

As for the school part, what right did the school have to address your son that way? I'd march up to the district office & give them the what for! They should have come to YOU, not him! And even so, your son have a right to a free public education BY LAW! They cannot make you homeschool him! Did he have an IEP there? If not, then that would be a step to take IF you decide to put him back in.

On the other hand, if you LIKE & WANT to homeschool, then there are MANY resources out there to help. One of the other admins here, CharlieGirl, has recently started homeschiooling her son. I'm sure she will give you some great ideas & help!


Charlie Girl

Why did the school tell him he could be homeschooled? Did he ask or were they suggesting it?

They can't make you homeschool and if they expel him they have to provide him with an education either by sending him to another school and providing transportation or by having a tutor come to the house.

If its a decision you made because you think it would be better for him, then we can help you figure out what to do.

To find a homeschool support group in my area, I just did a search for "homeschool support groups, my county". Once one came up I followed the contact information and explained that I had decided to homeschool and why, then asked if there was someone who had had a similar experience who could mentor me.

Not only did I have someone referred to me, I was also invited to join and given a list of upcoming activities and costs. They do field trips and sports activities as a group, plus have monthly meetings at member's homes. There was also an open swim night (for anyone in the county) that some take their kids to but which I was unaware of.

Try that. Its very important to have people in your area who can help you navigate and get the paper work right, etc.

I'm very new to homeschooling but I'll help you all I can and our sister site has a great homeschool board with wonderful, helpful members. You may want to check there also. supportforadhd.proboards31.com/index.cgi?board=homeschooling


Charlie Girl

I hold school over my son's head when he tries to get out of doing his work. The law is that they have to be educated and if he won't do the work at home, my son knows he will be right back in school. If your son hates school as much as mine came to, I'm sure that will be some incentive. I also am setting up a list of things he can earn by doing school cheerfully. He loses privileges if he doesn't comply.

Its possible he does so poorly in social situations because he gets overwhelmed easily. That can be a nightmare for an ADHDer. Maybe if you try to find things where there are small groups or even just 1 or 2 kids at a time, he will adjust and socialize better.
[image]
Sometimes its hard to do what is right for our kids but hang in there. They appreciate it even when they pretend they don't.

[misty]

waystressed

Thank you all for all the info.
My son hates school because all they ever do is send him to the office and call me to come take him home.
His school counseler called this morning wanting to know why he was not in school. I told him someone has told him about homeschooling and it is in his head now. He had IEP last year but not yet this year. They are dragging their feet. The school Dr has said to me on many talks that we have had that maybe he would do better being home schooled. And this came up with my son after this Dr did his Eval on my son.
My son like his teacher and the other children in his class but don't like to leave the house to go. And when I try to make him go he has a melt down.
He wants to be with me 24/7. Even when he is upset with me.
Thanks again it is nice to talk to people with the same things going on in their lives.



Charlie Girl

I am assuming you live in the US. If not, the same laws don't apply.

If your son had an IEP last year and you didn't sign for it to be removed, they have to follow it until they have another meeting and you agree to him not having one.

If you haven't signed off, I would refuse to. He obviously still needs one or he wouldn't be sent to the office on a regular basis. If he doesn't have a behavioral management plan and you want him to go back to school, you can ask for one to be included.

If you still want to homeschool and haven't signed to get rid of the IEP, the school district still has to provide him with education related services that are covered in the IEP. You can refuse them but the school can't refuse to give them. He would be able to meet a tutor somewhere quiet such as a library nearby and sometimes they can even have them come to your home if that is the best way to meet his needs.

I hope this helps you determine what to do. Frankly, if the school is more concerned with punishing and sending him home than they are with meeting his academic needs, homeschooling may be your best option as long as you think you can do it.

Many states also offer cyber schools which your child can do at home but they are regular cirriculums all done on the computer rather than in a classroom. Many people feel that gives them the best of both worlds. Their child is home where they can help him and he isn't having to deal with situations he can't handle in school but he has regular classes and deadlines.

[momof3]

misty said:

waystressed

Thank you all for all the info.
My son hates school because all they ever do is send him to the office and call me to come take him home.
His school counseler called this morning wanting to know why he was not in school. I told him someone has told him about homeschooling and it is in his head now. He had IEP last year but not yet this year. They are dragging their feet. The school Dr has said to me on many talks that we have had that maybe he would do better being home schooled. And this came up with my son after this Dr did his Eval on my son.
My son like his teacher and the other children in his class but don't like to leave the house to go. And when I try to make him go he has a melt down.
He wants to be with me 24/7. Even when he is upset with me.
Thanks again it is nice to talk to people with the same things going on in their lives.



Charlie Girl

I am assuming you live in the US. If not, the same laws don't apply.

If your son had an IEP last year and you didn't sign for it to be removed, they have to follow it until they have another meeting and you agree to him not having one.

If you haven't signed off, I would refuse to. He obviously still needs one or he wouldn't be sent to the office on a regular basis. If he doesn't have a behavioral management plan and you want him to go back to school, you can ask for one to be included.

If you still want to homeschool and haven't signed to get rid of the IEP, the school district still has to provide him with education related services that are covered in the IEP. You can refuse them but the school can't refuse to give them. He would be able to meet a tutor somewhere quiet such as a library nearby and sometimes they can even have them come to your home if that is the best way to meet his needs.

I hope this helps you determine what to do. Frankly, if the school is more concerned with punishing and sending him home than they are with meeting his academic needs, homeschooling may be your best option as long as you think you can do it.

Many states also offer cyber schools which your child can do at home but they are regular cirriculums all done on the computer rather than in a classroom. Many people feel that gives them the best of both worlds. Their child is home where they can help him and he isn't having to deal with situations he can't handle in school but he has regular classes and deadlines.

Hey all I am new here too and just to let you know I have a 8yr. old son that has alot of what you are dealing with and we have known we was going to have a hard time from the day he could talk. people that would hear him talk could not figure out how he talked so clear and such big words and I was homeschooling my oldest son and we new our 8 yr. old was special but we really wondering . I have a question to ask. have your kids had this stuff from when they were born. reason I ask is my son has . all kids will be starting school before long and I am not homeschooling now and my 8 yr,old is a vey smart child he has always been very vendictive and is mean to his 5 yr. old sister and very mean to animals and loves to argue and starts fights for no reason just to see people mad . he only does this at home and if we go places from the time we get up to the time we go to bed . school time is fine except when he was in kindergarden he went though a time of missing mom and did not want to go to school. so he would cry at school and then we homeschooled for a while then he went back and started seeing the school councler and plus what really helped was i had a picture of the family where we had took a trip to st. louis to the arch and had got ironing paper and coppied the picture to a chirt he had and that worked but one problem came and should have made more cause he wore that shirt all the time . teacher said that was ok aslong as he did not disrupt the class. anyway we have a son who is ODD with ADHD and he goes out of control every day . his moodswings are out of control and we don't take him with us too much . dealing with all that and husband having cancer going 3 yr. stage 4 and now dealing with our 5 yr. old doughter that may have ADHD the way it sounds and me just getting out of the hospitol . now having heart doctor and lung doctor and not being able to keep my job cause of it being to dusty and trying to keep my mind inline is driving me crazy!!!!!!
BUT LIFE GOES ON AND GOD GAVE ME MY WONDERFUL CHILDREN AND i INTEND TO DO MY BEST AND I MUST BE ABLE TO DO THIS OR HE WOULD NOT HAVE GAVE THEM TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE ;D ;D i REALLY FEEL FOR YOU GUYS.

[jj]

Welcome Momof3!

Oh my gosh, you have a lot going on. I'm so sorry your husband has cancer. That alone is overwhelming stress. I honestly don't know how you are doing it but I do think your right....God doesn't give us more than we can handle.

I love the idea of making a t-shirt with a vacation picture of the family on it. I would have never thought of that!

I'm really glad you joined this site. There are so many people who can support you when you are feeling down. And your experience will very likely helpful to others.

[misty]

Hi momof3! sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now! My daughter isn't ODD, but my cousin has a son who is & he sounds a lot like your son & yes, you could see from the time he was just small that there was going to be some issues. Is your son on any meds? What have you tried so far to help with his moods? Is he in therapy?

By the way, I think your shirt idea was marvelously creative!

[charliegirl]

I'm glad you found us Momof3. You have a ton of stressors going on and our members here are wonderful at encouraging each other. I can't imagine dealing with everything you are going through.

My son had seperation anxiety big time in 2nd grade and he took a small stuffed animal to school with him for a while until it started disrupting the class. I wish I had thought of a picture for him. That t-shirt is a great idea.

[katiekat]

Welcome Momof3. I'm sorry you have so much stress going on in your life. My son, who is 6 is not DX with ODD but I often wonder if he should be. He is currently Dx with ADHD,bipolar,OCD and an anxiety disorder. He is impossible to take anywhere and just a bit easier to manage at home. He also loves to be mean and irritate others. It was obvious there was a problem since he was very young-he started getting kicked out of day care centers for being so aggressive when he was just a little over a year old. He does not have any type of separation anxiety however. Kindergarten was a disaster and I am dreading 1st grade. We are all here to listen and help in any way we can.

[momof3]

jj said:

Welcome Momof3!

Oh my gosh, you have a lot going on. I'm so sorry your husband has cancer. That alone is overwhelming stress. I honestly don't know how you are doing it but I do think your right....God doesn't give us more than we can handle.

I love the idea of making a t-shirt with a vacation picture of the family on it. I would have never thought of that!

I'm really glad you joined this site. There are so many people who can support you when you are feeling down. And your experience will very likely helpful to others.

well I am happy to know that I am not the only mom who deals with this and now maybe I can get some time to myself and chat . some people just don't know what I deal with and no my son does not have therapy yet but we hope to be getting it started soon. doctors for a while just kept telling us that it was just us and when you go places with him and take the other two boy does problems start everything has an arguement and there are times it may go for hours and somedays he is just the nice boy on the street . you cannot trust him to be outside by himself very long . when he is quiet that means he is up to something. my husband is in stable condiction right now .the cancer is now in his chest only but it was all over his lymph nodes and had actualy got in his bone marrow and he has gone for a stemcell transplant at St. Louis and he has come a long way. now we watch and wait to see what happens next. the reason we have not done much about our son is that there is no one around our area that deals with what my son has and the people we have seen they just think he is playing us but we know better he really scares me sometimes cause you don't know what maybe next up his sleve.the only time that is quiet is late at night . people do ask me how i do the things i do and not go bonkers :-/I TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME AND THANK GOD CAUSE IT COLD BE WORSE AND TOMAROW MAY BE A BETTER DAY AND IF NOT :)THEN DREAM IT WELL i WILL KEEP THE REST OF MY WRITING SHORT FROM NOW ON . HAVE AND QUESTIONS JUST ASK i AM ALL EARS :-[THANKS GUYS

[misty]

No need to keep your posts short, Momof3. Many of us here are long winded & no one minds! I know what you mean about no one in your life really understanding what your child is going through. My daughter has different issues than your son & I have a super supportive family, but I've met tons of people who just don't believe in ADHD or who thinks we just spoil her or are too hard on her, etc. She has 2 LDs too & has an IEP....its not like I'm making this up....you can't fool the IEP team! Anyway, we understand & will do our best to help you here. And if we don't have the answers, we'll help you find them!

[charliegirl]

Momof3, have you gotten him officially diagnosed yet? That can open a lot of doors and give you something to toss in the ring when someone tries the "blame the parenting" deal.

If you have tried to with psychs already, which is what it sounds like, you may need to go to a neuropsychologist for a complete evaluation. Its important to make sure any kind of psych you take him to is experienced with children and believes in ADHD. Unfortunately, there are some bad ones out there who still don't accept it.