Immaturity

[katiekat]

Is there anything that you can do to help with extreme immaturity? Or is this just something that has to be grown out of? We(especially my husband) have really been noticing lately how immature Sean is compared to his peers. We were at some friends house and afterward my h mentioned something about their kids ages. He assumed they were around 9 and 6. They are actually 6 and 3. He thought that the 3 year old was Sean's age and the one that is actually his age was much older. He is extremely babyish and I think this is a big part of why he has no friends. You cannot have a meaningful conversation with him either-he just mostly talks nonsense. Can maturity be helped along or do you just have to wait it out?

[misty]

I don't think theres much that can be done. Researchers have found that the average kid with ADHD is 3 years more immature than his or her peers. I have noticed that as my daughter gets older the gap seems to close though.

[charliegirl]

Misty is right. Social skills training can help a lot with that but there is still quite a discepency with many kids until they get older.

[mary2]

This is a difficult one. My son is also behind in maturity in regard to his classmates. However, lately, since he started his new school which is single sex, I have noticed that maybe he is starting to come out of the shell very slowly; even in the way he speaks there is something different.

Personally, I think that his karate classes are helping. He attends these classes with a bunch of kids his age who take this discipline very seriously. At the beginning my son was given time out very constantly due to childish behaviors like laughing or bothering other kids as they tried to follow the class. Now, my son is starting to take the classes more seriously, he is very motivated to have a belt change; I think THIS class is playing a key role in this issue. The teachers are VERY serious all the time during class and respect is a BIG issue during the class at all times.

He started a social skills therapy last week. I am loving this one because all the kids who attend this session are of different ages and from the same school. The psych who directs this class explained to me that last week my son opened himself a explained to all others how he was being bullied by one of his peers. One of the older kids told my son to look for him if he was bothered again; I felt very well about knowing that my son is meeting older kids from his school. Aggressive behaviors are a constant problem at his school and my son is very naive, so... I guess this social skills class is going to help in maturity, but it is really too early to say if they really will. I am kind of trying this one.

[katiekat]

We were going to sign Sean up for Karate because I heard so much about it being good for kids with ADHD and also because he showed an interest in it. But then he started making all these comments about how he wanted to learn Karate so he could hurt people at school. I explained to him that it's not about violence and he said yes it is, its to hurt people. I also told him that the only place you could do the Karate is in the class and that you were not to use it on people outside of there and he said well I will, Im going to hurt people. So we nixed the idea for now. He is aggressive enough and does not need any encouragement in the being physical department.

[charliegirl]

Many kids start out planning to use karate to hurt people. It teaches them discipline and they are taught from the beginning that they can never use it agressively, only as a means of defense. They are also taught to respect others.

I've known some very aggressive kids but they don't seem to use their karate skills for that. I wouldn't keep him from taking it for that reason. I think someone else here has a child in karate and maybe they can explain better how it works.

[jill]

Same here Annette is very immature herself and loves to regress. I just do not feed into it and when I have to just tell her she is too old for something or remind her to act like an 8 year old. What is weird is she has a friend she met from the research study last year with the same diagnosis however she is even more mature than Annette and I noticed better behaved and they are on the same meds. I want to trade sometimes.

[mary2]

charliegirl said:

I've known some very aggressive kids but they don't seem to use their karate skills for that. I wouldn't keep him from taking it for that reason. I think someone else here has a child in karate and maybe they can explain better how it works.

Karate definitely teaches kids to control themselves. My son has been in it for about a year and a half. The progress has been slow in regard to taking it as serious as he should, but he is much better by now. Teachers not only teach moves and combat; they also talk a lot to them about discipline and respect; in fact, each time kids go for a belt change; they not only test what they know in regard to moves, they also ask them to speak and answer oral questions. My son is still lightblue/yellow belt, but kids who have gone for multiple belt changes really amaze me in regard to self control and seriousness when it comes to being and paying attention in class.
Before I signed my son in karate he used to go to soccer practice. A psychologist who was treating him at that time suggested me to enroll him in karate instead in order to work out his self control and discipline. I feel really much better having my son in karate than in any other sport at least at this time. I think he is getting more benefits in the aspects I described before.

[katiekat]

I also feel that other (team) sports are out of the question right now. We tried both football and T-ball with Sean and the results were disastrous. The entire time he was getting yelled at by the coaches for punching, kicking, and hiting his teamates. He would scream at the other kids because he always wanted it to be his turn and when it wasn't and he had to wait his turn he was always in some kind of trouble. We had to pull him out before the seasons were even over. As far as the karate goes I think we will wait a bit. Like I said he is very immature and I would place him at the level of a 3-4 year old. He also needs to get his aggression under control because even though they tell the kids not to use it outside the class I don't think Sean would listen to that. I think the first chance he got he would karate-chop someone right in the head.

[katiekat]

Question about the immaturity-do I allow him to act babyish like this or do I try to teach him a more appropriate way to act like a 7 year old. Especially around other kids his age.