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Post by katiekat on Dec 21, 2007 8:47:28 GMT -5
How am I supposed to help Sean let go of his extremely unrealistic expectations for Christmas and accept reality? He gets like this with a lot of things. He builds them up in his mind like they are going to be some picture perfect made for television special and is always disappointed. He will then mope around for hours because things did not go as he wanted them to. He is very upset because it is not going to snow on Christmas. We go through this every year. It never snows here on Christmas, in fact it is supposed to be 50 degrees that day. He also thinks I shoud be sitting around every night baking cookies and sipping hot chocolate. We baked the kind of cookies that come in a tube and you slice and cook but that was not good enough. Sorry, I don't bake and I'm not going to start now. He kept harping on the hot chocolate and when I got him some he was crushed because I did not buy marshmallows. He didnt even want it then.He wants to go Christmas caroling...um no. He was even telling his therapist yesterday that he always thinks his grandparents should get him a lot more gifts than they actually do. He expects them to take him to the movies on Christmas day because he saw that on a commercial. They aren't and he is moping about that too. There are these rare Yugioh cards that he wants and I cannot find them anywhere. He is obsessed with them and already told me 100 times that if Santa does not bring them he will be very mad and his Christmas will be ruined. If everything does not go exactly as he has it pictured in his mind he gets very upset. The kids always have a very nice Christmas here but Im sorry, this is not a Walton's episode. I first tried explaining to him that NO ONE in real life has things happen exactly as we picture them. After he kept it up and then told him that he was actually being very selfish as there are children who will be living on the streets on Christmas and will not be getting anything at all so he should be happy with what he gets. Which is by no means shabby. He gets this way about many things but Christmas is the worst because there is so much build up and it goes on for a couple months.
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Post by misty on Dec 21, 2007 10:29:22 GMT -5
Have you thought about taking him to a homeless shelter? They always need extra volunteers & it would give him a first hand view of what its really like to have nothing (or very little) for Christmas.
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Post by charliegirl on Dec 21, 2007 12:14:37 GMT -5
The only thing I can think of is for you and your dh and Joe to talk to each other about looking forward to the traditions that you have. Talk about how you never really know what you are getting and how exciting it is to get something you love but never thought you wanted and how its the surprise element that makes it so much fun.
Since he thinks hot chocolate with marshmallows is something cool, maybe you could fix some one night and have that and play Christmas music. Are there any small gifts that Sean can help wrap? You could talk about how you can't wait to see X when they get that gift because you are sure they will love it even though they didn't ask for it.
I'm rambling but basically I'm trying to say that if you can distract him from what he sees the commercials representing and try to find ways to help him see what makes Christmas special to your family, it might help.
As for the tube cookies, can you bake some of them and let him frost them and add some sprinkles so they are more Christmassy to him? Even if you even did just one tube that way so he can put them out for Santa, it may be enough for him to feel like he made Christmas cookies.
My son used to say that if he couldn't get something he specifically wanted, he didn't want anything. I've also had him tell me he would just die if he couldn't get it. I started telling him ahead of time when he wasn't going to get something he had his heart set on and explain that I tried so he wouldn't get upset that it wasn't there for Christmas. I don't know if that would work with Sean but you can try it if you haven't already.
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Post by misty on Dec 21, 2007 12:24:01 GMT -5
I was thinking, maybe Santa could leave Sean a note saying that they were very short on those Yugio cards this year but he hopes Sean likes the other gifts he left. If you think you can find them after Christmas, Santa could go on to say that he will send him some after Christmas. We did that for Shannon one year...she really wanted an ant farm but you have to send for the ants & the company doesn't send them until the spring so I included a letter from "santa" saying that he would send the ants in a couple months.
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Post by charliegirl on Dec 21, 2007 12:32:27 GMT -5
I was thinking, maybe Santa could leave Sean a note saying that they were very short on those Yugio cards this year but he hopes Sean likes the other gifts he left. If you think you can find them after Christmas, Santa could go on to say that he will send him some after Christmas.  |
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Post by lisacap on Dec 21, 2007 13:01:36 GMT -5
Christian was always the same way, he did out grow it, and we did spend fortunes trying to find that one special thing he wanted but we couldn't get...what kind of Yugio cards are you looking for, maybe one us of can find them and send them to you, even if they came after xmas, you could write the note like misty said, but instead you could put they are coming in the mail, specially addressed to him. I know here in boston, the target behind me has a huge selection, if you let me know which ones they are I would gladly look for you and send them...just to try and make your day a little nicer for you....let me know
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Post by kellyh on Dec 21, 2007 13:45:49 GMT -5
We've got tons of places here in Richmond that sell those darn cards, too. Megan has recently gotten in to them....I'm not sure why....I don't even know if she knows what to do with them....all I know is she's getting a pack she picked out in her stocking...for $10, I sure as heck just wasn't handing them over to her....thankfully, the kids know mommy and daddy put stuff in their stockings, too.
The girls gave you a bunch of good ideas. I still think you have the patience of a saint. I'm sad to say that my temper has gotten shorter as I've gotten older and I can't say that I'd have handled myself as well. There's got to be a special place in heaven for you!
Would he be happy with making hot chocolate again and tossing in a few minature marshmallows? My kids moan about the big ones, but if that's all I've got on hand, I hand them a knife and tell them to make them miniature....and they do. CG had a good idea with the store cookies you bake...just let him frost some with the Betty Crocker frosting and sprinkles. And I definitely think showing him where homeless people will be spending Christmas might be a good idea. My kids don't act like that (most days) and I want them to help out at a hall where they serve Christmas dinner so that they can see how much they do have and appreciate it more. Sometimes they do get greedy...and I have to remind them that I"m not made of money and that they are given far more than lots of kids in the world are.
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Post by katiekat on Dec 21, 2007 14:41:33 GMT -5
Thanks for all your advice. When he starts up again I am going to show him some things on the computer. I would not actually take him to a homeless shelter because of his anxiety-I'm not sure how he would react. I am going to also talk to him about the children that I follow with cancer who will be spending Christmas in the hospital.
As far as the Yugio cards go I dont think you can buy them separately. He wants specific ones and you just have to buy the pack and get what you get. He keeps insisting you can buy them one card at a time but Im not sure he knows what he's talking about. He keeps saying they are Egyptian something cards but I really don't know what he is saying.
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Post by charliegirl on Dec 21, 2007 16:11:03 GMT -5
I bet there is a yugioh website where you could find out what he is talking about.
I think you're right about his anxiety. You would have to be careful with that.
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Post by lcdc1 on Dec 21, 2007 18:51:51 GMT -5
we have 2 stores in town that sell them individaully and the kids go there to trade them and sell them themselves. Maybe they have places in your town like that. They are sports and trading card centers.
Kids always have huge expectations, I have always told my kids that xmas lists do not mean you get everythingyou want, they are a way for santa to get ideas on what you like and he might pick some stuff from the list.
Tell him that he can pick one reasonable xmas tradition to start this year (give him a premade list of like 10 reasonable things that you can stand), tell him this tradition he picks is his responsibilty to do for the family, like read the night befoer xmas on xmas eve, or he can be the one that makes hot chocolate for everyone, or he can rent a video to watch at home with the grandparents, or whatever!
It is giving him choices and might make him feel in control more (even though you are picking the choices),
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I was about to conquer the world but then I got distracted by something shiny.
