School is a horror for my daughter

[lostmyshoe]

JJ,CG,Misty & Everyone,

I finally got a response from the Guidance Counselor yesterday after I emailed her. We are going in for the conference on Thursday. It works out good because my H is off on Thurs. and Fridays. He's getting a root canal in the morning though so it all depends how he feels if he'll be there or not. I'm really hoping he can be there. Becca did tell me that the teacher offered to put her in a group but she said she'd rather not. I think the mistake he made to begin with was allowing the students to make groups of their own, knowing that there might be someone that gets left out. He had to have noticed her sitting in her seat by herself when everyone else was working on the project.

I'm going to try and get a whole picture of what is going on in this class when I talk to her teacher. It's Becca's worst class along with when she had gym without her friends the 2nd quarter. It seems to be this same group of nasty kids all the time because Becca does have a group of friends at school that like her and she likes to keep company with when she has the chance. She went to the mall with two of them this weekend and I was so glad.

At the conference I am also going to start talking about next year and what can be done so Becca does not have to deal with this nasty group of kids next year. The majority of them seem to be a bunch of spoiled self centered rich kids that think they know it all and can tell everyone what to do and pick on anyone they want at will. Becca has 5 more years with these kids so we have to figure out some kind of plan. I don't want her 8th grade year to be a bad one. I'm hoping the school will be cooperative. Wish me luck.

Well, I better go back and lay down. Home sick from a migraine today. Just wanted to pop on real quick and let everyone know what was going on. Thanks so much for your advice and support. I hope the roundtable goes really well and you bring us home lots of great info.

[jfla]

losty,
hope your migraine goes away and you are feeking better soon.

I just read this thread and want to respond to those that think the teacher HAD to have seen what was going on with the groups. I am not excusing the insensitivity or lack of awareness on the teacher's part, but as an interpreter in the classroom daily, there are many instances like this that teachers do not see because they are so busy with the lesson and many demands in a classroom. As an interpreter, I am not supposed to get involved in the class, but sometimes I will bring situations like this to the attention of the teacher.

My student was routinely left out of groups when it was left up to the kids. As soon as a teacher announced that the students would be making up their own groups, eyes start darting around the room. All but a small handful of kids immediately would make eye contact with potential partners and silently agree who is in the group.

Then there is generally a fair amount of physical confusion until the kids who hadn't already agreed on a group actually see what groups have been formed and who's left. My student was oblivious to the social eye contact routine but once I taught him this little behavior he was fine.

Being that our kids sometimes miss out on social nuances, it would be helpful for them to have teachers that can recognize what's missing and help them with it. Unfortunately teachers are usually too busy. Perhaps a request for that quality in a teacher next year. It is great that you aware of what is happening in class and you can hep her with this. Good luck at the conference.

[jfla]

I just realized that my son is in a similar situation on a larger scale than the classroom....

Senior Prom...people go in groups, go stag or couple off in groups or just couples I guess.

Prom is two and a half weeks off and will be at the Space Needle. He still hasn't done anything about making plans for this. We have talked with him about this over the last couple months because girls spend an enormous amount of time and energy planning ....my son generally waits for the last minute, feels bad when he is left out but ends up having a good time at previous formal dances. His priorities are different. So when he is ready to plan everyone else has already put their plans together. I suppose I would feel better about it if the rest of the family was going to be home that weekend, but we will be at child #1's college graduation.

...so I guess experience getting in groups within the classroom eventually helps do it on a larger scale. hmmm

[lostmyshoe]

Wow, a prom at the Space Needle! That sounds pretty cool. I hope he does get to go. I sure hope my daughter will get to go to hers when the time comes.

I finally got in to see Becca's Science teacher and the Guidance Counselor yesterday. It was a really good conference. The teacher really is trying to do what he can to help Becca. He did offer to have her join a group but she chose not to. It also didn't count for a grade. The next project he gave them, he gave them the option of working on their own or doing it with someone. They also do not have to present it in front of the class if they don't want to. I think he realized his mistake with the other project. He's a very nice young guy and I think he's learning some things himself. He also knew right off of the top of his head the trouble makers in the class and admitted that it is a tough group of kids. So it's not just Becca. She just got stuck with a tough bunch of kids this year.

I was very happy when the Guidance Counselor asked for the names of the people that bothered Becca the most and said she would make sure they were not in her classes next year. I didn't want to mention names, but was pleasantly surprised when Becca's teacher came right out with them. I just agreed. I am also going to give the Guidance Counselor a list of people that Becca is friendly with and the she is going to make sure at least one of them is in each of Becca's classes. They don't do this for everyone but due to the circumstances they are want to help. She did ask that I keep this in confidence. I am going to email her a list of people that Becca is friendly with and she will work it out when they assign classes for next year.

I feel so much better and am so glad I had this conference. I think next year will be a much better one for Becca and I am hoping the rest of this school year will go by smoothly. Sorry so long a post. Thanks so much everyone for all of your advice and support. It really help me a lot to push forward and help out Becca. Wishing everyone a great weekend!

[jj]

Oh thankgoodness! I bet that is a huge weight off your shoulders and now Becca can look forward to next year. Thanks for the update.

[misty]

Thank God they are willing to help. The teacher seems easier to work with than expected as well. WHEW! I'm glad Becca will have a better year to look forward to next year!

[puzzled]

It is so great to see that the counselor is willing to work with you and Becca on this! Taking that social load off her may be just what she needs to have a great and successful year!

[katiekat]

School has now become a horror for Sean too. The kids are just so mean to him, refuse to play with him, call him names, and yesterday after school on the playground 5 of them were throwing him on the ground, kicking and punching him. Amazing how none of their mothers saw what they were doing,they were too busy standing around chit chatting. I told Sean to tell their moms-the same thing they do to me. I just took him and left. I called the teacher to let her know what was going on(even tho it's after school and she is not responsible at that point) and asked her if this goes on in class but she says no. Sean says there are no problems in class either. I have to admit that in the beginning of the year Sean was the class bully-he hit everyone and was very mean. I guess the other kids are fed up with him and this point. I guess we will just not be hanging out at the playground any more after school. Always something.

[charliegirl]

Argh! I think I'd be going after those moms and explaining that you didn't just sit back and allow Sean to bully their kids and you expect them to watch their kids and make sure they don't bully him.

I still haven't figured out how any parent can know their child is bullying/hurting other kids and do nothing when they are standing right there when its happening.

School is almost over for the year and hopefully Sean will find someone to be friends with this summer.

[lostmyshoe]

Hi KK,

So sorry to hear Sean's having a rough time. I know how painful that is to watch your child go through that. Maybe with a fresh new school year things will improve for Sean. I will be so glad when this school year is over. I haven't slept very well in days. Becca had a rough week this week. A girl in her homeroom that is in this clique of nasty kids has been bothering Becca all week. Becca finally actually went to the teacher yesterday. I've had to drag everything out of her. She doesn't even want to talk about it. I emailed the teacher and asked that he please keep an eye on the situation and get back to me. Today no one bothered Becca, thank goodness. Becca's been so upset that she doesn't want to return to our township school system next year. We will be talking with her and our counselor over the summer about this. I do have some good news and that is that Becca got her honor roll certificate today. I told her how proud I am of her. I think I will finally sleep tonight. Depending on how things go next week for Becca I am considering just keeping her home the last week of school if they will allow it. We'll just have to see how things go. Thanks so much everyone for your kind replies and advice.