question from a hubby

[misty]

alan



Hello my name is Alan.
I was wanting to ask someone for some advice about ADD in adults and thought now was a good a time as any. so here it is ill try to keep it short so you dont drift off!!!

My wife was diagnosed back in August and was given Ritalin which i guess her body didnt like something to do with her motabolism??
So the doc gives her Concerta instead and raises it a couple of times till everything seems ok. Lots of focus , no longer lathargic better signs of memory and we all seem happy.
However when my wife started the medicine she was a good looking 10st 8lb with the loss of appitite she is now about 9st 2lb
looks great but still dosnt eat if i suggest eating i get a back lash about mentioning it. She eats say cheese on toast in the morning and that is it till ten at night then she has a small snack. I am getting worried about the weight loss as i fear it will not slow down. Now also in the equation my daughter is starting to talk about weight and being fat which she isnt ! i just worry that her eatin habit is now reflecting on our daughter. Am i being parinoid or do ya think she will sort it out??
Thanks for takin the time to read this any info would be good.



misty

Alan, First of all...


I think its wonderful of you to come seeking support out of concern for your wife. I don't have ADD myself, but my daughter does & I've learned that appetite (lack of) and weight loss are major concerns of people on ADHD meds.

There are ways to sneak extra calories in, but most of what I've read pertains to children & with kids, you are the parent & so have the final say on what time meds are given, how calorie dense the foods you feed them are, etc. I think it'd be harder with an adult. When you discussed this with her, did she seem at all concerned? Even for a minute? Have you talked to her about your concerns for your child's own developing body image? Is she open at all to trying different things? Many people give a calorie rich breakfast before meds & any foods given during the day or in the evening should be healthy & calorie rich as well.

Could you possibly talk to her Dr? Maybe the doseage needs adjusted a bit. Or maybe she can take a split dose so she's hungry at lunch or dinner time.

I'm sure others will have even more ideas for you to try!



alan

Hi misty i am still here i was hoppin around havin a look.
I dont know about her noticing OUR daughter saying this about weight . But man is she defensive when i mention her eating habit i will ask her if she would like to split the medicine ?
you know what buggs me really as well there is no family meal time anymore ?
I think even prepairin the meal is upsettin her so its relly sort o quick stuff lately and then its just me and the kids eatin.
I always thought that eating as the family was important you know sittin and findin out what every body been up to and letting the kids tell us about there day



misty]

I agree. Mealtime is very important & seeing their mom skip meals concerns me; as does your wife's total lack of interest in food!

I don't have ADHD, but several adults here do. Hang in there...I'm sure they'll be along to give some better ideas as soon as they can.

If she decides splitting the medicine is something she'd like to try, I suggest she talk to her Dr about what doseages at what times, rather than just doing it herself. That way he can help keep tabs on how its going. I'm surprised her Dr isn't concerned about her weight loss too. How often does she see him?

[misty]

alan

HMM not to sure i think she has another appointment in January,
I would love to speak to him about it but feel guilty as if i am snooping into her afairs . YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??



misty

Will she mind if you go with her to the appointment? Maybe then you can slip some of your concerns into the conversation.



Charlie Girl

Alan, was your wife concerned about her weight before she started on the meds?`If she was, she may be thrilled to be losing and you may not be able to reach her because she is finally getting to lose the weight she wasn't happy with.

My reply is dependant on your response to my question.



alan

Hmm kinda was unhappy with her weight.
But man she looked good at 10 and not pushin it girls arnt you girls always on some sort of diety thing?
I see what you are getting at here though.
As for attending her doctors appointment i work away from home so dont know if ill be back in time . I am thinking of going the direct rout straight to the doc and saying my peice.



Charlie Girl

Maybe if you told her how beautiful she is and how perfect you think her body is, her self image will improve and she will be easier to talk to. You need to make this a habit. A one time thing won't mean a thing to her.

I don't think other than talking to the dr there is much you can do if she is happy losing.

By all means point out to her that your daughter is now very weight conscious but don't connect it to your wife losing. Discuss ways to implement healthy eating in your family to encourage your daughter to learn to eat healthy but not necessarily fattening foods. Hopefully that will get her cooking again and she won't feel like she is cheating on her diet if she is eating nutritiously.

[misty]

alan

I tell her alot i love her and have been tellin her she is looking great honest to god above !
But mention her eatin and she is getting very defensive, she can have a very sharp reply sometimes. I will keep on the issue of talking without resorting to argument- thanks



puzzled

Alan

My husband is on Concerta as well as my son. Both of them have told me that sometimes just being near the food makes them feel ill...particularly at lunchtime.

Now my son is on a med that stimulates his appetite because he is so skinny and was not eating at all, but my hubby...let's just say that I have fed him well these years and years of marriage...he is only on 36mg and will begin generic ritalin 20mg 2x a day on Wednesday. He has not lost weight yet, but I have noticed that his usual habit of constant snacking has stopped. It used to be that if he was home, he was snacking on something...now he is content to eat his meals and that is it. And the helpings are not so huge. I really thought that nothing could take this man's appetite! So she may really not be able to help it.

I agree that bringing up your daughter's issues w/o mentioning her own may be the way to go...and I would maybe speak to the doctor about tweaking the med a little...what dose is she on? I have heard that Concerta appetite issues are more of a problem at 54mg and higher....if she is on 54, I wonder if she could maybe try taking an 18mg and a 27mg to get 45mg, and see if that helps enough with her ADHD and also with the appetite issues...

And I also want to say what a sweetie you are to care enough to come into this forum to ask for advice. It truly shows how much you care for her!



Charlie Girl

Don't mention her eating to her. I can tell you from ADHD experience that when my hubby tells me something (because he loves me and its for my own good) that I get so mad I refuse to listen. It feels to me like he is cloaking what he wants into concern for me and trying to manipulate me.

Just keep telling her how gorgeous she is. When you discuss healthy meals, discuss it because its what your daughter needs. Your wife has to gain her own self esteem and be happy with herself. If she is healthy and doesn't have a really poor body image, she should get to where she wants to be and then become concerned about the weight loss herself. If she gets too thin, then make a point to go to the dr on her behalf even if you have to make an appointment to talk to him alone.

Remember, we are people who deal with ADHD in our lives or the lives of people we love. None of us are drs or psychs. We are sharing what we have found to work in our experience and that of our loved ones only so if you aren't comfortable with what we have to say, check with her dr now.



alan

Dose medication breks help ??
i got her to take one recently but she admitted it was like befor medication and she was really tired and snappy all day but did eat , ate quite a lot that day come to think of it



puzzled

I used to not medicate on weekends, and my son ate a lot all weekend, but if she is uncomfortable and doesn't like the way she feels unmedicated...she probably won't want to do that.

Also sometimes if you go off, it is worse for a day or two when you go back on...it didn't seem to be that way for my boy...but everyone is different.

And like Charlie girl says...we are just stumbling in the dark here..we are not experts except in our own experiences...so if you think you need to speak to her doc..




alan

"And like Charlie girl says...we are just stumbling in the dark here..we are not experts except in our own experiences...so if you think you need to speak to her doc.."

ye but girls you live with and experience these issues similar to mine. while a doctor deals with the patient not the spous, so i am very appreciative of any experience i can call upon.

This is hypathetical but if your partner lost weight and you say flet a bone where you never felt one before and sent a shivery thing up your back like urgggg.

wOULD YALL TELL HER OR KEEP SHTUMM??



Charlie Girl

Alan, maybe you do need to talk to her dr just so you can assure yourself that she is healthy. I really don't believe talking to her is going to do anything other than get her upset with you. If she isn't healthy, the dr can get involved.

Will she let you go to her next appointment with her?

[misty]

jj

You know, I was just doing the conversions and thats about 148 lbs. down to 126 lbs. (If I remember right) Now if she is around my height (5'5") that is the lowest I personally care to go with my weight because then I start feeling a bit unhealthy. If that weight would be maintained then I don't see a problem. But if she keeps losing or is much taller than me than that is a problem and I can see your concerns.



John

Hi Alan, I also switched from Rit to Concetta several months ago. I did it just to have a smoother 'ride' from the Meds. I sometimes don't eat when I'm anxious/worried/upset or feel a need for 'control' in my life. Practically every ADDr has other Coexisting ''issues'' IE: Depression, anxiety, LD, and on & on.
Some people (like mE) might have a small to medium % of 1/2 doZ or more various affections that they have to meander thru.

The more you know about ADD the more you will be able to understand (somewhat) what your wife might be going thru. One thing that no book '' learnin' '' will teach you is > Empathy & Compassion. When your wife is ''ripping'' into you or yelling or telling you that you 'just don't understand', if you can look at her at see she's just a scared and hurt person that needs you, that can go a L O N G way.



alan

I have been reading up on ADD and ADHD but she is happy to lose the weight
i am going to get a hold of doc but he is really hard to get a hold of