Marriage Myths VS Truth

[John]

Marriage Message #306 – Myths vs. Truth

“Do you swear to speak the whole truth and nothing by the truth, so help you God?” That’s an oath that is used here in the USA that is asked by those who are going to give a testimony in the court of law. But for a moment, we’d like to ask you the question, “Do you want to LIVE BY the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?” If the answer is “yes” we’d like to focus on some of the truths versus the myths which pertain to married life in this Marriage Message.

We can live our lives believing myths and not embracing truths, partly because the myths we grab onto have never been exposed to the truth of the God’s Word, the Bible. So for this Marriage Message we’d like to share with you 10 of the myths and truths concerning marriage that are listed in the book, “Marriage! The Journey,” written by Anne Trippe, put together by Essence Publishing. (We have the rest of the myths and truths from Anne in the “Spiritual Matters” section of our web site at www.marriagemissions.com. But it would be best to read them in the book itself, if you can find a way to obtain it, because you would also get the benefit of reading the explanations plus other helpful marriage information.

So, here are 10 MYTHS VS. TRUTH, by Anne Trippe:

1. MYTH: I am responsible for my spouse’s or another’s emotional well-being. I must apologize if he or she isn’t okay or if they do something wrong (or) I am accountable to God for my spouse.

TRUTH: Each one shall give account of himself to God (Romans 14:12). I cannot rescue my brother by any means (Psalm 49:7). Each person eats the fruit of his own way (Proverbs 1:31).

2. MYTH: Real men do not show they need help.

TRUTH: When I humble myself before God, in due time He exalts me (1 Peter 5:6). Pride comes before a fall (Proverbs 16:18).

3. MYTH: I must get respect from my mate and others to know I am of worth.

TRUTH: I am called to love and to serve others and consider them better than myself (Philippians 2:3). Pride comes before destruction and shame (Proverbs 16:18; 11:2). I am to become of “no reputation” and be a servant (Philippians 2:5-8). He has made me accepted and perfect (Ephesians 1:6; Hebrews 10:14).

4. MYTH: My peace is tied to my spouse’s and/or others’ opinions and to my being treated fairly. To be fulfilled, I am entitled to my spouse treating me the way the Lord commands him/her to.

TRUTH: Jesus Christ is my peace and gives me peace (John 14:2). I am in perfect peace as my mind is fixed on Him. As I humble myself, I’ll enjoy peace (Psalm 37:11; Isaiah 26:3). I will remain lonely unless I die to my own way of trying to make things work for me (John 12:24). He wants to fill me and my loneliness with Himself. I am to find my completeness in Christ (Colossians 3:3, Ephesians 5:17, 18). I’m not entitled to others meeting my needs. My needs are met in Christ. I am complete in Him. He will fill me (Philippians 4:19; Colossians 2:10; Ephesians 5:17, 18).

5. MYTH: Husbands and wives should complete each other.

TRUTH: Each has been made complete in Christ (Colossians 2:10).

6. MYTH: I can’t help being depressed and without hope if my circumstances don’t change.

TRUTH: Christ gives me hope and a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness (Romans 15:13; Psalm 16:11, 27:14, 31:24; Isaiah 61:3). Hope is not based on circumstances, but is only in Christ (1 Timothy 1:1; Colossians 1:27; Romans 15:13).

7. MYTH: If I am treated unfairly, it makes me a doormat.

TRUTH: Even though trials and unfairness will come to all, the Lord has made me who I am. Tribulation and trials will come to all, beginning with God’s people. But Christ has overcome these things on my behalf (1 Peter 1:6; 4:12, John 16:33). He has plans for my good and desires to satisfy me with good things (Jeremiah 29:11; Psalm 103:5a). After I have experienced a trial, trusting Him, He will establish, strengthen and perfect me (1 Peter 5:10). Those reviling my good behavior shall be put to shame (1 Peter 3:17). As I walk in righteousness, no weapon formed against me shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17). I am perfect in Christ; one Spirit with Him (Hebrews 10:14; 1 Corinthians 6:17). I have been made accepted by Him (Ephesians 1:6). Christ died that I would be the righteousness of God in Him (2 Corinthians 5:21).

8. MYTH: If I punish my spouse or others, then they will love me and give me what I need.

TRUTH: I will eat the fruit of my own way. I will reap what I sow. If I sow to the flesh, I will reap corruption! As I am unselfish and love my spouse and others (sow to the Spirit), I will reap that eternal life of Christ’s sufficiency for me (Matthew 5:46; Galatians 6:7, 8; Proverbs 1:31).

9. MYTH: I must “fix and direct” if things are to go right for me and if I am going to be secure and at peace. (I must control interactions and circumstances.)

TRUTH: God will work all things together for me if I love Him and am called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). He is faithful and will cause it to happen (1 Thessalonians 5:24). God works His will in the army of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth (Daniel 4:35); God will accomplish that which concerns me (Psalm 138:8).

10. MYTH: If the Lord cared about me, He would give me a person to fill my loneliness—make me complete and fulfilled. I need a person to complete me.

TRUTH: I will remain lonely unless I die to my own way of trying to make things work for me (John 12:24). He wants to fill me and my loneliness with Himself. I am to find my completeness in Christ (Colossians 3:3, Ephesians 5:17, 18).


www.marriagemissions.com


{If anyone thinks this should go somewhere else feel free to relocate it}

[wetmores]

Thank you John!

[John]

WM, your welcome.

This kinda goes along with the stuff I was writing a while ago about standing up for yourself, Oh ya, being Assertive in your relationships.

Remember being assertive IS NOT being Loud or Rude or Annoying. It's just letting other people know that it's NOT OK for them to abuse your, misuse you and confuse you because of Their issues . . .

[lostmyshoe]

John,

That was great. Thanks so much for sharing that. Reading through them, I saw myself good and bad through the years, how I've changed, and with God's help I'm living more of the Truths then the Myths.

[John]

Losty ~ thanks. You gave me another great idea for a Bumber.Sticker/T-Shirt . . .

''Follow the Truth not the Myths''

''Live the Truth not the Myths''

[lcdc1]

I am in hyper mode at the moment so I did not take the time to read, absorb, and comprehend all the information you put in this thread, but, it begs the question of why do people really get married in the 1st place?

[John]

LCDC, That is a DeeP question that is multifaceted and cannot be easily or quickly answered . . . The short answer could be that God Designed us and put a longing within us to desire to have a relationship with the opposite sex. Originally Adam & Eve's relationship with each other was perfect in every way because their relationship with God was perfect in every way. Once that relationship with God became severed their relationship with each other became strained and subject to the sin within each of them.

[John]

Message #308 - Marriage Tune-Up

To keep a marriage “running along fine” you need to do what it takes to maintain it. Sometimes marriages, just like automobiles, need “tune ups.” Psychologist Michael Lace writes, “Couples generally enter marriage with engines revving, but sooner or later find their relationship ‘idling.’ The thrill is gone, arguments easily become overheated, and the pressure of jobs, children and a mortgage is on. What causes this once smooth-running machine to knock and sputter?”

That’s a good question to consider. So let’s do that. The following are some “Warning Lights” Michael Lace writes about in an article titled, “Does your Marriage Need a Tune Up?” (which can be found at: www.christianitytoday.com/mp/8m2/8M2038.html). It was featured in a past issue of Marriage Partnership Magazine www.marriagepartnership.com. Afterwards we’ll look at eight ways he lists that you can get your marriage the tune-up it needs. He writes:

The biggest culprits are dangerous patterns of thinking that wear your marriage down and lead to big blow-outs. When conflicts become habitual, it's not surprising that you begin to think negatively far more often than you consider your marriage's positive aspects. Here are a few of the warning lights. Any of these look familiar?

1. FEELING BORED WITH YOUR SPOUSE. Before you were married, getting to know each other and establishing a deep commitment were welcome challenges. But now you’ve “been there, and done that” on just about everything. Both of you sense the lack of excitement, but life is so crowded it’s easy to stop making the effort to learn more about each other. Yawn.

2. FOCUSING ON DIFFERENCES. The same opposite traits that you once found so charming are now simply annoying. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve caught myself thinking: “We’d get so much more accomplished if [my wife/husband] would just do things my way.”

3. FIXATING ON A FANTASY. It’s easy to fall into the habit of daydreaming about your “perfect spouse” as an escape from dealing with the real one. Some of this is natural—at times the fantasy is a lot simpler to handle. But you can take it too far, especially when you become disappointed because your spouse doesn’t meet the impossible standards of your fantasy. Wake up! Dreams are just that – dreams!

www.marriagemissions.com

[lostmyshoe]

Thanks so much for that post John. I think I have been through each of those steps. My H and I of course have differences but when it comes down to it, some of those differences have been what has helped keep us together. I also feel in my heart that God is the main glue that keeps us together. He's the reason I married my H. I really do think God sent him for me for sure because I don't know if anyone else could put up with me sometimes, LOL.

[John]

lostmyshoe said:

because I don't know if anyone else could put up with me sometimes, LOL.

Losty > I can put up with you sometimes ~

Losty, Your Welcome - THESE are the kinds of tapes I need playing in the back of my mind all the time, not the other Wonky Ones ~ LOL
My Friendly Neighborhood Therapist had some good advice for me recently. I was relating to her how I had submitted to the N.A.T.s (Negative Automatic Tapes) again. She explained that these were Non-destructible tapes & would be a Life-Long pattern that I will have to live with. My job was to not just let myself fall back into the pattern that I had become so used to, but to say to Self: "Hey, this is that old tape playing again, Wake Up and Challenge those Thoughts/Instructions on what to do or think about yourself & how to think & react.
Initially I was taken-aback and somewhat shocked that she would describe them this way. But after I was able to contemplate what she said it did seem to put it in a senseable & workable framework.