Is there ever any middle ground?

[misty]

countrygirl.............Thread Started on Sept 25, 2006, 7:41am

Sometimes I wonder if there is ever any middle ground. I either go overboard on something or entirely don't care. And it can be the same thing only a few minutes, hours, days later.

At a party there are times I am the most gregarious person in the room; the center of attention and other time I want to hide under a table and just disappear.

Seems I want to be around everybody or nobody.

I know this is confusing to my friends. sometimes I have to just act like I care because I don't want to lose anymore friends and I know I will change. I always do, like the wind.

This is when I'm stable too. Will I ever achieve balance? I want too very badly - but in a minute I won't care.


jj.

I don't know about anyone else but sometimes I have to fake it, like you said Countrygirl. I don't know if it is so called "normal" to do that or not? I just assumed it is. I mean some days you have your own problems, worries, or are just burnt out or bone tired and just don't want to deal with anything else but alas, we have to sometimes.

Usually, after I am over my own issues then I care...I mean really care about what I previously "faked" caring. Does that make sense. It doesn't happen a lot I don't think and I'm not so sure my mood can change within minutes unless someone says or does something to change that mood or I look at my sisters messy desk. LOL

Could it be that your meds are just making you aware of "not caring" whereas before you may not have even realized it? I know, stupid question especially since you always seem like a very caring person.

Anyone else??? Does what Countrygirl is going through seem like just typical good days and bad days we all face? I know I can go to my friends club and sit there like a lump on a log turning down dance requests and then other times I have a great time dancing all night. (And I'm sober in either situation).


lisacap

I find that I do that all the time, then I feel guilty because I feel like I offended or annoyed someone, so then I write an email that is all true but 2 pages long and in the end I feel worse, because then I have the person feeling bad for me, when I was trying to explain to them why I was like that....somedays I can be around everyone , other days I won't even answer my phone...I guess we are all a little like that.


Charlie Girl

I get like that when I am depressed. I don't realize how bad it is until I start on an antidepressant for a few days and start to feel again. I can remember telling the dr once that I knew I was depressed because I loved my kids, I knew I did but I didn't feel anything when I thought of loving them. He knew I needed something fast.

It could be that the bipolar causes you to switch feelings more frequently and more severely than the rest of us but we do all go through periods of caring more than we do other times.

[misty]

lostmyshoe

I don't know how I missed this thread but it is a good one. I can pretty much identify with many of the things mentioned. I am pretty sure I am not bi-polar but I do display some the characteristics, like the behavior at a party or where there is a social gathering. I can definitely identify with you CountryGirl. I seem to flip-flop back and forth too. Sometimes I am totally outgoing and other times feeling inferior. In my case I think it is partially due to a history of low self esteem which goes hand in hand with the ADD. I am much better now then I was when I was younger, but I don't think I will ever be a person that exudes total confidence all the time. Doesn't mean I will give up, but I accept the fact that I am who I am and I try to be positive as much as I can and be the best person I can be despite my weak areas.

JJ, I can also identify with you in that there are times I am feeling weighed down by my own problems and sometimes I do have to act like I care when I'm really incapable of dealing with someone else's issues at the moment. I do later on try to focus on others and I do feel for them truely. It's just very hard sometimes when I've got too much on my own plate. I don't think the facking is a bad thing. I actually think it can be a good thing as some people don't even try to show they care and that can impede relationships with others. It is a learned technique that is important in life, especially for those of us that are easily overwhelmed with our own issues let alone other peoples.

This was such an important thread and I am so sorry CountryGirl that I didn't respond sooner. I do think there is hope in achieving some balance. I try to have a little patience with myself and realize that there may be situations every now and then that are just plain more difficult then others. I actually find that the more situations I've been in, the better I can figure out how to deal with them and also that some days I am just a quieter and more cautious me depending on what's going on in my life. Will I ever be perfectly balanced? Probably not, but that is okay. I'll just keep on trying and sometimes a few words of support from some good friends is all I need to help me along. Sorry so long. Dee


countrygirl

dee, no need to appologise. I forget to check back after I post even. Maybe, it's normal, whatever that is. today is bad. my niece is having a surgery to remove a brain tumor. All so sudden and shocking. started with a grand mall seizure night before last, then discovering a mass, and today surgery. I don't feel at all. I feel like a rock around all of these crying and broken family memebers. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. so disconnected. Poodledoodles said it's a coping thing. Sometimes I can look at someone I know I love and think, why don't I feel love? I know I love them, but I don't feel. my brain feels too full or too empty rightt now. I feel dead inside. this was before moods too.
this is just going to be a very long day.