ADHD Rambling

[lcdc1]

I do not remember if I ever posted this or not? I will put it here anyway and if I find it somewhere else, I can delete it from there.

My Brain by LCdc

Life is long and life is short!!
My mind is flawed, miles from perfect, yet i am a machine.
My mind grinds on and never tires, my body stalls often and sometimes falters!!

My mind - ahh - my mind - I feel the difference, I reap what it sows, I suffer its ebbs and flows!!
I realize often how different my tide table of thoughts is from the reality around me.
I learn from my mistakes - AHHH yes - over and over again - too bad it seems to be the same mistakes!!

I am a live wire that has lost its connection, I am a computer whose circuits are infected.
I am a blast of energy that is driven by g-forces gone wild.
I am a force of nature that has collided with the humanity that seeks to tame me and will always fail.
I am a moment in time and space that rips a hole in the Universal continuum and takes eons to disappear.
I feel wrong, I feel diseased, I feel I am a mistake, I feel I can't ever please the world (but they can't live without me), I was brought into by a 1 in a million. i feel compassionate, I feel free, I feel i am a step away from you and i am in the lead!!!
I feel like ME - YUP, I feel ADHD, but I am ME!!!

I have learned the hard way, maybe it’s the right way, maybe it is wrong.
Maybe a higher power knew the path I was destined to follow and gave me a mind that was wired in high tension and wound so tight that I would forever be trying to untangle it and uncoil all the blows of humanity.

I think of everything, yet my mind is blank.
AHHHH well - aint life in my ADHD brain great?

;D

[lcdc1]

Here is one I wrote a while back when I was so frustrated from having these "train wrecks" all the time, I think it was a depressed phase of not knowing what to do, but I am great now. Apparently fighting some of the negative effects of ADHD can get you down, but there are so many more positive sides of ADHD, that it is good.

Swinging Low by LCdc

Swinging around, my brain is swinging around and dipping low,
I think I might have tried way too fast and hard,
I think this time, I really broke the switch!
I am trying so hard to get back in the know,
Where this mind can get lucky deal the right card,
My brain has a place, I think, I know it has to have a niche!


There is such a massive pressure, invisible pressure, pulling me down,
My brain does not know how to make the correct turn,
I am in a chasm of flawed, burning and bad connections.
I cannot seem to do anything right now but drown,
It seems to me the ultimate burn,
This cannot be what happens with internal reflections?

I can feel it lurking in the shadow on the edge,
Waiting so patiently to guide me to insanity, to sink the nail,
You, me, ready to pull me under beyond hope.
I know why I was and am hypersonic and cant veg,
I am afraid of you, of me and your scale,
I may not come back this time, back to ever cope!

I need a solid, grounded hand,
I am crying for you to toss me a long rope!
Can you pull me up and out,
Otherwise I cannot try to make a stand.
I think I feel a ripple of some buried hope,
It is building and ebbing, it hurts, it hurts so bad that I want to shout!!

I do, I am, can you hear me crying, screaming silently, saying,
LET ME THE HELL OUT?

[charliegirl]

Those are great! As an ADHDer myself, I can really identify with so much of what you wrote. You express yourself very well.

[lcdc1]

thanks, writing and art are the only way I can really express myself. In my job I am competent also and it is easy, but I have this thing in person where my verbal skills are not there and words are in my head but they do not always come out right, it is like pressured speech when out of my comfort zone!

And as you know with ADHD, sometimes the words are out before your mind really registers, that is why I joke a lot and sometimes I call myself YODA because of it! I think joking is a defense mechanism too!

It is like yesterday - my sentence to the vets office when I called was - Is ready Dixie to be picked up?

One time I was telling someone about that night time tea and I am like yeah, calamine tea is good, when I knew it was chamomile!

It can be embarrasing for me, most people do not notice or care I don't think?

[misty]

That happens to every body, ADHD or not so I don't think it phases most people. The other day at work I was giving the dessert menu to a couple I've waited on for years. One of the items was a ameretto Biscotti. I told them we had ameretto bisque! We all laughed about that one...sounded like a soup!

[unicorn]

Your writing is very good too LC. These are great.

[lcdc1]

thanks, I think they are strange soemtimes, but they are from the soul and how I felt at that snapshot in time!