Post by anon4now on May 21, 2008 7:54:14 GMT -5
I need some guidance. I'm sort of flying solo here since I quit my sons psychologist and have to wait for the first week of June for a psychiatrist apt.
Here's a bit of background (I can already tell this is going to be long)
My son is 9. ADHD with impulse control problems. We put in a reward system for the past four months or so. The teacher sends home a behavoir chart. If they are all positive remarks, he gets a star for the day. 4 stars a week he gets time on the computer. 5 stars he gets more time. I also made a side deal that if he does make a mistake, but handles it without over reacting and lieing, he'll get himself a trip to Dairy Queen.
(I've just added HOME STARS. For every home star he earns from Dad, he gets an additional 5 mins tacked on to his reward, it's a work in progress, but keep reading and you'll know why I'm mentioning this.)
There is a coinsedental timeline of my son's increase in un-ruly behavior and some 6th graders getting transferred to my sons bus. After about a month or more, my son reported to me bully-ing and abuse on the bus. Two weeks ago, I had my son moved to a different bus. The past two weeks my son has gotten good marks on his school report. I'm pretty sure the abuse and the acting out are related.
So he got his time on the computer. Woohoo! He was so happy and had a great time.
Now DH and I are talking about home life. Which is just horrible. I have read some of your DH-vent posts. Lets just say my husband reminds me of Donald Duck. He's all happy go lucky, relaxing in his chair with his hot cocoa, when his pesky nephews coming running in. Then BAM! Screaming non-sense words feet up in the air above his head, a new vein pops out of his head madness.
I kid you not.
Sometimes, things don't get hot until after lunch. But lately, my husband has been coming down the stairs in the morning yelling...and just does not stop.
So many tears and going back and forth between discussing and pointing fingers, we finally got through a talk last night. Though I wouldn't bet my life on it, he says he'll stop yelling and will chill out a little. He'll just administer a consequence and move on.
Ok...history lesson over. Here's my question (or more, my DH's question).
When my son gets home from school. He first does his homework, then does his chores. After chores he's allowed to play with his sister or have some time alone, his choice. When I get home from work, its time to make dinner then some down time before bed.
Lately though, the chores are such a big deal. I guess the ADHD comes out. His job is to clean the living room. And mind you, when he's in a good mood, or when I'm home, he whips through that room in 10 mins. But when it's just him and dad, and for whatever reason, my son is upset. He will wander around that room for an hour, picking up one thing and moving it, then picking it back up and moving it again. This is where Donald Duck possess my husband.
So our first thought is if he starts acting up, instead of dad yelling, send him to his room for 10 mins. But then the chores don't get done. And my kid is a smart kid. He would rather sit in his room for the night, and go to bed early, then finish his chores.
So...does anyone have any ideas on how to administer a consequence and still get him to finish his chore? I don't want to threaten him either. You know "Now when your done with your chores you will have to...."
Ok, I'm going to stop now. I appreciate any thoughts on any of the above. So sorry I'm chatty. I have been dreaming about what I was going to write all night.
Anon
Here's a bit of background (I can already tell this is going to be long)
My son is 9. ADHD with impulse control problems. We put in a reward system for the past four months or so. The teacher sends home a behavoir chart. If they are all positive remarks, he gets a star for the day. 4 stars a week he gets time on the computer. 5 stars he gets more time. I also made a side deal that if he does make a mistake, but handles it without over reacting and lieing, he'll get himself a trip to Dairy Queen.
(I've just added HOME STARS. For every home star he earns from Dad, he gets an additional 5 mins tacked on to his reward, it's a work in progress, but keep reading and you'll know why I'm mentioning this.)
There is a coinsedental timeline of my son's increase in un-ruly behavior and some 6th graders getting transferred to my sons bus. After about a month or more, my son reported to me bully-ing and abuse on the bus. Two weeks ago, I had my son moved to a different bus. The past two weeks my son has gotten good marks on his school report. I'm pretty sure the abuse and the acting out are related.
So he got his time on the computer. Woohoo! He was so happy and had a great time.
Now DH and I are talking about home life. Which is just horrible. I have read some of your DH-vent posts. Lets just say my husband reminds me of Donald Duck. He's all happy go lucky, relaxing in his chair with his hot cocoa, when his pesky nephews coming running in. Then BAM! Screaming non-sense words feet up in the air above his head, a new vein pops out of his head madness.
I kid you not.
Sometimes, things don't get hot until after lunch. But lately, my husband has been coming down the stairs in the morning yelling...and just does not stop.
So many tears and going back and forth between discussing and pointing fingers, we finally got through a talk last night. Though I wouldn't bet my life on it, he says he'll stop yelling and will chill out a little. He'll just administer a consequence and move on.
Ok...history lesson over. Here's my question (or more, my DH's question).
When my son gets home from school. He first does his homework, then does his chores. After chores he's allowed to play with his sister or have some time alone, his choice. When I get home from work, its time to make dinner then some down time before bed.
Lately though, the chores are such a big deal. I guess the ADHD comes out. His job is to clean the living room. And mind you, when he's in a good mood, or when I'm home, he whips through that room in 10 mins. But when it's just him and dad, and for whatever reason, my son is upset. He will wander around that room for an hour, picking up one thing and moving it, then picking it back up and moving it again. This is where Donald Duck possess my husband.
So our first thought is if he starts acting up, instead of dad yelling, send him to his room for 10 mins. But then the chores don't get done. And my kid is a smart kid. He would rather sit in his room for the night, and go to bed early, then finish his chores.
So...does anyone have any ideas on how to administer a consequence and still get him to finish his chore? I don't want to threaten him either. You know "Now when your done with your chores you will have to...."
Ok, I'm going to stop now. I appreciate any thoughts on any of the above. So sorry I'm chatty. I have been dreaming about what I was going to write all night.
Anon
I was about to conquer the world but then I got distracted by something shiny.
And I threw the bag of cookies on the table. I told him to have at it. Eat as many as you want because I don't love you and I don't care any more. I don't care so much that I won't even bring you to the hospital, you'll have to call 911 all by youself. He puts the bag back in the pantry and went upstairs to get ready for school. I left for work.
