|
Post by unicorn on Mar 31, 2009 20:35:38 GMT -5
As you know from postings in the past. It is so hard to get Tiffany to do anything. I still have to push and push and push to get anything done.
I have tried charts with for example morning tasks (teeth, hair, meds). Nothing works. I average 1 hour in the morning getting her up and out the door. I am so stressed and sick by the time I leave, not the way to start the day.
Never to mention getting her to do any sort of chores beyond normal taking care of herself. And the defiant mouth. I need some ideas.
Do I go back to square 1 and start small. With trying to get her to remember the teeth, hair & pills on her own and move up from there? Do I go harsher with punishment for not starting to do this on her own.
Help...
|
|
|
Post by charliegirl on Apr 1, 2009 7:04:33 GMT -5
I'm thinking, Uni. I'll post when I've thought of something if no one else posts the same thing first.
|
|
|
Post by misty on Apr 1, 2009 8:46:20 GMT -5
I still go through some of those issues with Shannon & she's almost 15! She has suddenly started brushing her teeth & caring for her hair non her own accord though so I think she's maturing to a point where she actually has started caring what she looks like.
I don't think punishment really works. I think they just honestly can't remember to do these things without us nagging at them. The only thing that really worked for Shannon is when instead of just telling her to go brush her teeth, or hair, or clean her room, or whatever, I would stand right there with her & insist she do it right then while I was watching. If I didn't do that, she'd just say "OK" and then when I asked her later if she'd done what I asked, she'd say "I forgot".
In the mornings she started getting up at like 5 am so that she could take her time & have time to mess around or watch TV before school. The good thing about that was that she'd be tired in the evenings & get herself to bed early! Now that she's in cyber school, time is not an issue in the mornings, but it helped a lot when she WAS in public school that she had lots of time in the mornings.
On days when she did get up later, the rule was that she had to have EVERYTHING (clothes, hair, breakfast, teeth, & bookbag) done before she could turn on the TV or computer. She wouldn't fuss about getting ready because she really wanted media time before leaving & she realized that the longer she dawdled, the less fun time she had left.
|
|
|
Post by unicorn on Apr 1, 2009 9:39:50 GMT -5
Today I took her white board and wrote on it all things to do before leaving the top floor of the house:
*get dressed *potty *meds *teeth *hair *socks *shoes
She was to wipe it off as she did them.
Then I took the board downstairs and wrote:
*breakfast *lunch box *backpack *coat
And she did the same thing.
Neither of us were as stressed as we usually are. When we get home I will do like something like:
*unpack lunch box *homework *bath *meds
This maybe what I have to do for a while to help with things. Knock on wood that I can sustain this for a little while.
|
|
|
Post by anon4now on Apr 1, 2009 11:56:23 GMT -5
Check lists help my son too. We also told him he can't have breakfast until it's done. I know, horrible, lol. But it's really the only thing he will work for.
The white board is a good idea because it relieves you of nagging, which just gets resistance anyways, and stress for all parties.
If the white board is working, start looking into something more permenant. My son had a velcro board I made. I made the list and put a piece of velcro next to the item. Then he grabbed a square with a check on it and velcro on the back. Then he grabbed the square and stuck it to the item. It also gave us an oppurtunity to see the checks and give him kudos for a job well done.
Good luck, Anon
|
|
|
Post by misty on Apr 1, 2009 13:45:59 GMT -5
I use a white board for some things for Shannon too. It does work well. She told me she likes it because she doesn't have to remember all the steps on her own.
|
|
|
Post by bugsmom on Apr 1, 2009 14:30:55 GMT -5
Uni, I also have a hard time with Josh getting things done. Because we are homeschooling now, that morning rush is taken out of the equation, but now I have to deal with him not wanting to start school, or with not focusing.
We have just had to go back to square one with him. We haven't had to use a sticker or reward system in a looooooong time, but here we are using it again at almost 13 years old. I don't know if Tiff is the same way, but Josh NEEDS to see there is a postitive outcome to his behavior.
Because our biggest issue is defience/opposition, I have typed up a list of behaviors that I NEED to see before he is rewarded a sticker. The behavior list is in bold letters and stuck to the frige. Every week I update it with the type of goals and behaviors that he needs to work on. For example, this is our list of goals this week:
-Start yor studies when you are asked.
-Do your school work in a timely fashion. (No farting around)
-Do not say "no" when you are asked to do something.
-You should not have to be asked more than one time to complete something.
-No getting angry and making that "mean" face. Ask for help, thats what I'm here for.
Once we establish our goals, he gets to pick his rewards for the week. This also is changed weekly. This week he picked the following rewards. (Only one reward per day)
-Go fishing at the pond.
-Go to Guitar Center and play the guitars.
-Trip to Humane Society with mom.
-$5.00
-Board game with Dad at night.
-Guy movie with Dad.
Although we work on the goals together, I let him pick the reward (within reason). It doesn't have to be a big reward, just something that is special to them. This is working like a charm with us right now. I know it could stop at anytime, but for now, we're good. He has to earn 5 stickers in a day to claim a reward. Maybe some kind of version of this would work with Tiff.
Good Luck.
|
|
|
Post by unicorn on Apr 2, 2009 19:13:47 GMT -5
I have used a chip type method. When she did a chore or didn't give me a hard time about something she got a chip. If the mouth started or "no" became a standard word from her mouth then a chip goes away.
I will try the white board for a while longer to see if it works. But will keep these ideas in mind.
|
|
valerie
New Member
[ss:Lilac dreams]
Posts: 9
|
Post by valerie on Apr 3, 2009 21:44:18 GMT -5
Starting this weekend I am starting the penny system. Both my boys LOVE their money. They ave baggies they store all found money in. Well I'm making a jar for Mom. They each get 100 pennies. For everytime they misbehave or ignore me or their famous line "I don't want to" when I say they will be sent to their room or something they will need to put a penny in the Mom jar. If I catch them being good or I don't have to ask them more than once to do something, etc I will reward them with a nickel in their baggies. At the end of the week whatever money is left the can take to Five Below or somewhere similar and buy whatever they want. Depending on the kind of week they have it might be a big disappointment when they can't get what they want or have to wait another week to save up for it. I'm hoping this has better results.
|
|
|
Post by jj on Apr 3, 2009 21:50:23 GMT -5
Valerie, I think that is a good idea and I hope it works. Let us know how it turns out. Even if it only works for a couple months that is a little reprieve you got.
|
|