How to teach the difference between nice and mean?

[jill]

My girl is so friendly and no does not get it and it is tearing me apart. At her dance rehearsal a few of the girls were standing together and Nette went to join them and they began looking for another girl and next thing I see is all parties running and my girl feels she is part of it and when they pass me I hear the one girl say "hurry she is behind us" and there is my girl at the end big smile on her face. I could not get her to listen to me so I was stressed. When I was able to talk to her during a learning moment she replied she did not care she was having fun.

Another time I have overheard same girls passing by me during class and making faces and motions to others when my girl was speaking to them so she is trying but they are little witches. I get torn apart when she is openly rejected and worry more when I am away and looks like she will allow others to treat her bad and poke fun at her just to be part of the group. What does anyone else suggest? I have been trying to use teaching moments when she will listen to go through the differences and what a real friend is this is so hard.

Have not called the psychologist yet for not sure I will get the answer I want but may ask if she would benefit from counseling.

[charliegirl]

My heart goes out to you. Kids can be so mean. I remember my daughter coming home from elementary school and telling me they didn't like a friend's sweater so they didn't talk to her all day. When I expressed shock she told me it was ok, they wouldn't like someone else tomorrow. Believe me, she got a lecture and a lesson on why that was wrong.

It sounds like your daughter would benefit from a social skills program. Talk to the psych and ask if there is one in your area. They really do work.

Basically, they teach the kids to understand facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc and how to react when they see that. They also have group time so they can discuss things and role play with other kids.

If you can't locate one, I can give you some ideas that you can use to teach her yourself.

[katiekat]

This is something Sean doesn't get either. Mainly with the boy who lives next-door. This boy is a year older and has some serious problems himself. He is SO mean to Sean but Sean just doesnt get it. He will refuse to play with Sean until he has nothing better to do then he will. And the whole time he just screams at him and bosses him around. I got so sick of watching it and hearing Sean get upset b/c this boy refused to play with him but was always playing with other kids. I know this is not exactly right but I pointed out to Sean that all the other kids this boy plays with are girls so maybe he likes playing girl things, and the reason he doesnt want to play with Sean is b/c he's not a girl. I pointed out to Sean several of the things this kid plays with (hula-hoops, pulling stuffed animals around in a wagon) and asked Sean if he liked doing these things anyway. He said no I and said well then you shouldnt want to play with him anyway. I also told him the next time this kid says "No youre not playing with me" for Sean to say "Oh thats right Im a boy and you only like to play with girls". Not the most mature thing to do on my part but I am just SO sick of it. It makes me furious!
Unfortunately that has not worked and he continues to want to play with him. I at first forbid it. Then discussed how this boy is not a good friend and he hurts your feelings and makes you feel bad so why do you even WANT to play with him. And he'll say he's being nice now-which is not exactly true. But Sean thinks he's being nice. I don't want him being played for a fool b/c that is what this kid is doing to him but maybe he will just have to learn himself.
I wish I had a solution for you Jill but so far mine are not working. I just wanted to let you know I know how you feel and it is maddening and also heartbreaking to see your kid treated this way.

[jill]

There is nothing for social skills around me except one on one counseling which I have mixed feelings about. I am planning to attempt to teach them myself during learning moments and make faces and use different tones of voice and body language and get her to tell me if i am being nice or do I like something or not after first demonstrating each to her and teaching.

I also did an online search and found this book "Raise your child's Social IQ Stepping stones to people skills for kids" written by Cathi Cohen, L.C.W. sounds like a helpful book I ordered online just came in. I have to first finish my JD Robb book love reading. I also found online books for children ages 7-10 a serious of chapter books about a girl named Phoebe who has ADHD and her adventures and how she deals with it to help with understanding. The Author is Barbara Roberts. I was able to get 3 of them we plan to start reading together tonight Annette is excited about it. If they are great I will post and order more just wanted to share what I found.