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Post by jill on Aug 22, 2009 10:54:00 GMT -5
My girl when in the company of others get upset and melt down but not full blown and can pull it together. With in public she would lose it over not getting her way and we have at times had to pull her out of the store. Last week at Darien Lake an example it was crowded and she was getting dressed and none of the stalls were good enough for her (to her credit a ladies dressing room and bathroom women are slobs plus we were in the water park). She melted down and began throwing her things and hit a women in the head with her water shoe I was so embarrassed and when she came out we left and she pitched a fit all the way home. But in the presence of others and we are not there she pulls it together quicker this I do not understand for she still does not get what she wants. With grandma she forgot her play sox for the playroom at McDonald's so grandma told her she could not play so she did throw a fit but after a few minutes pulled it together if I was there it would have been worse and carried on for longer. Another example when I volunteered for her school field trip she was making something and it was not to her liking so she began to melt down I took her out of the room of the other kids to deal with her and she began to carry on more but when her teacher walked into the room to say something to her she calmed down and her composure changed and she pulled it together Why? Sorry but this is the burning question that leads me to believe she can pull it together and it is not a public thing it is when other people are in charge.
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Post by puzzled on Aug 22, 2009 13:23:27 GMT -5
hmmm, well in my experience with my own kids I have often noticed that they save their worst behavior for me. In public they are little angels, but at home they sprout horns...at least sometimes.
It could be that she feels more comfortable with you and knows she can let go of more of her self control? I would ask her psych about it.
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Post by jj on Aug 22, 2009 21:13:38 GMT -5
My G-niece, the one I had custody of, was exactly the same way. All the teachers thought she was the perfect child aside from struggling with her school work. This is also true with my sister's daughter. I questioned that myself many times. But if you think about it, we adults hold back all the time. Sure we'd love to tell someone off but we bite our tongue or if something upset us at work we'd love to go in the bathroom and cry but for the most part we hold it in until we get home and then anyone within 3 feet of us may be in for an ear full. So I'm sure that is the same with your daughter. She knows you'll love her no matter what. You are a safe place. She is actually learning some good "social behavior" by being able to pull it together outside of home some of the time and if there is bright side, that would be it. I just think some adhd kids have emotions that are far beyond the norm and we see some pretty scary stuff at home. It will pass, Jill. Eventually. My G-niece is married with 3 kids and she is doing pretty well.
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Post by jill on Aug 29, 2009 14:49:40 GMT -5
After a few days of blankety blank she is doing better have not resorted to jumping off the roof.
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Post by jj on Aug 31, 2009 2:37:26 GMT -5
I'm glad you didn't have to jump off the roof. And I'm glad she is doing better.
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Post by katiekat on Aug 31, 2009 13:30:59 GMT -5
I agree with Puzzled, and think it's pretty common that kids save their worst behavior for their parents. Especially their moms. Maybe because they are most comfortable with them and know they love them unconditionally.
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Post by jfla on Sept 1, 2009 21:30:56 GMT -5
As a young mom, I was once told that kids reserve special behavior just for you. Remembering that helped me get thru some of the garbage behavior. I agree too with their knowledge of your unconditional love...and sometimes throw in that they know certain behaviors bother you in particular.
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Post by jill on Sept 5, 2009 15:22:03 GMT -5
But why would she want to embarrass herself if we are not at home others can see her. I try not to get into it with her when others are around depending especially peers I let some things go to save face for her.
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Post by puzzled on Sept 5, 2009 17:43:08 GMT -5
Well for one thing, I am sure that she does not think about how she will look....I don't think that children with ADHD think their acts through that far, at least I don't think Chase does.
Also, she likely knows that away from home the 'rules' are a bit more slack, so she pushes the envelope a bit more, knowing it may slide. As difficult as it is, I think that maybe you need to be consistant with the boundaries no matter where you find yourselves when she starts to lose control. Knowing where she stands at all times may make it easier for her to maintain control.
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Post by jill on Sept 6, 2009 10:10:14 GMT -5
What we do is before doing something we go over the rules and limits and what the consequences are so the meltdowns in public still occur however not as much as my post indicated in the past.
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