Blah~Blah~Blah

[John]

Just need to flap my Yapper:


I've pretty much givin' up looking for a nother job. It's just So Depressing.
The end of Sept I applied for a maintenance job at a local college (Case Western), I did have a phone interview & then a face to face interview but that was in Oct. The last time I talked to them (about 2 wks ago) they said everything had been sent to the HR dept. So I called HR and they didn't know diddly about anything~Argh.
I haven't seen my therapist in at least two months because we (big surprise here) owe them money, not much, about $200 maybe.
I know one of the remedies to Dep. is helping other people, getting the focus off yourself and so on . . . I know there is no 'magic wand' and that it takes a lot of work & determination & bs&t (blood, sweat & tears) but many times it just seems to Much & never ending & who cares & so what.
Most of the time I feel like I have the Emotional Intelligence of a 12 year old & want to blame everyone except myself for my predicament & go into a 'Whoa is me & what can I bring to the Pity Party'.

I think the worst of it all is I have no one to talk to (except my therapist & he only does it 'cause I pay him but he is a nice guy & I'd talk to him even if I didn't pay him-LoL).

Nobody better not say anything like, ''What doesn't kill you makes you stronger''. Really, did'ya ever hear of people living with MS or Lupus or living in a wheelchair all their live, whoops sorry I'm getting lost in the maze of self-pity now. I hate when I do that.

Most of the time I know that things & people & a job you like & money can all be crutches to keep you from depending on the one who really cares about you more than you can possibly know or understand and of course I'm talking about God here. I know that God uses, [if we turn and Keep on Turning to Him], our problems
to make us whole[r] and to use us to draw others to Him.

''Disappear'' written by Chad & Jess Cates
Sung by Bebo Norman *

'' I only know of one place I can run to . . .
I want to hide in you
The way, the life, the truth
So I can disappear
And love is all there is to see
Coming out of me
And You become clear
As I disappear
I don't want to care about earthly things
Be caught up in all the lies that trick my eyes
They say it's all about me
I'm so tired of it being about me . . .
I'd rather be cast away
If I don't bring You Glory''


From the album ''try'', by Bebo Norman

[jj]

Depression is awful. No one knows until they have been there. It's hard to care about anything at all much less do the things you are supposed to do that they say helps. And yes, I know it does help but how do you make yourself want to even try? Gosh, I so understand, John. I have been there.

All I can do is send you hugs and prayers and many prayers for this economy so there are some jobs to be had.

I know prior to getting the job I have now (and the economy was good), I was really about to give up. I had applied for soooo many jobs. I was too over qualified for the Walmart job but not quite good enough for the job I thought I was qualified for. I was plumeting fast into depression, although lukily, I didn't experience that "I just don't care anymore", - "that time".

I really do understand how you are feeling.

[misty]

John, its not true you have no one to talk to because you have us! Might not be face to face, but we are here, we are your friends, & we care about you. I've never been through depression, but I've seen it & I can imagine how hard it must be to overcome. Frankly it scares me after knowing one person who actually committed suicide as a result of severe depression, leaving behind 2 little kids. If you ever feel that bad, & need to talk to someone, you can call me. Anyway I'll add my prayers to those off JJ's. (((HUGS)))

[charliegirl]

You have my prayers too John. I'm fighting the big d all the time anymore so I know what you are going through.

You can talk to me anytime. Maybe we can encourage each other.

My mantra has become "All things work together for good for those who love God, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

We don't know why we are going through the stuff we have to deal with but faith is trust and we need to trust God to get us through and bring the good out of our experiences.



and its ok to cry and tell Him

[John]

Thanks You Guys {and I really mean it this time}.

I hate it when I get into these 'Whoa is me' ruts, It's kinda' just, So Annoying to myself to be this way.

There is a Psalm that says something along the lines like:

'God don't make me so poor that I curse You,
and don't make so rich that I forget You.''

It's almost like that with the Big D, when I'm feelin' good I'm not serious with God.
When I'm deep in the Big D, I'm all like, God why don't you do something and take it away now.

I know that I know that I know, that God truly loves me more than I can ever understand and that He actually cares about me Now and my life Now and my marriage Now and my finances Now, but how do I translate that into a 'now' reality. Is it a faith that says whatever happens happens, it's God's will . . . Is it through a Faith that says I'm broken and helpless and can't do it on my own and I need God more than I ever imagine that I do. Or is it a faith that says God it's all yours to fix 'cause I don't know how.
It's so so easy for me to just put myself in neutral and justify everything that happens to me as, 'Hey, it's not my fault, God must know what He's doing, I'm just the co-pilot.

[sapphyre]

{ Hugs } John, Depression sucks.

Been there, and often feel like I'm fighting it off (take St John's Wort now, rather than antidepressants, and it helps.) I watch hubby suffering from it every day.

With God, I use the old saying, "Let go, and Let God." Apply for jobs, but leave the applications in God's hands, and don't stop applying. As for the depression, exercise (not easy in winter I know) is one of the best remedies, and any small things you can do to lift your mood.

Above all, don't be too hard on yourself. I can tell you are a fun guy with lots of wisdom... give yourself the advice you'd give someone else in your position, maybe that would help. { Hugs }

[John]

Thanks Sapphyre, I espicially like this line of yours, ''Apply for jobs, but leave the applications in God's hands''. That is wisdom that I need.

I do have a real problem of being down on myself . . . what's up with that ?