Had the Sex talk with my almost pre-teen

[jill]

I did so over a year ago and she did not seem to care and I am glad to say she still thinks boys are icky. Her friend she had over that one time I was concerned about well apparently all she says at school is boys and how she wants to have sex. The girl is giving mine an education so I had a long talk with her and did a lot of corrections. I did not even know Annette knew the word sex for I did not use that word with her back then. Annette did report to me when she stayed the night she was trying to do obscene things with her stuffed bear which did disturb me. The girl is 14 and Nette is almost 12. The friend is not a close one thank goodness just hangs around them. The girl's mom does have a drinking problem and I suspect a lot of neglect issues going on in fact the girl shared she is now living with her dad and her mother is in Jail. Every new case I get I make sure it is not them scary.

I gave Annette the ugly truth about being careful and disease and that boys will lie and use you for if you do not love one another they do not care about you kind of talk. I also told her by hanging out with this girl they will assume she is like her friend that if approached she has to make herself clear. Annette thinks it all is gross and wants no part of it and is literal girl is terrified of babies and disease. I am confident Annette is comfortable coming to me when she does decide she is ready (I hope not until she is 22 then she will be done with College by then or close to).

The Dilemma November is Annette's birthday and she wants a slumber party should I allow her or not? Actually Nette does not want her she is not close to her (thank goodness) however her other friends are and she is afraid they will be mad if the girl is not invited. Annette does not want her touching her bear again that she had me wash or anything of hers. Part of me does feel sorry for her and would it be wrong if I pulled her aside and had a talk with her like a did with Annette since she may not say anything to her dad? Would I be out of line for I want the girl to be aware and careful of making good choices. I will keep you posted.

[misty]

Well, you're gonna come across situations like this when you have daughters, I think. I wouldn't want someone else's parent giving my daughter a sex talk, but maybe you could just tell the girl that you're aware that her mother isn't available & that you care about her & are willing to be there for her if she should need someone to talk to about anything at all. You might also remind her that Annette is a couple years younger & not really ready for some of the things this girl thinks are great conversation topics. Maybe the girl will eventually open up to you a bit on her own....she probably doesn't have anyone she feels safe talking about sex to.

[charliegirl]

Since Annette opened up to you about this girl's disturbing behavior, I think you are well within your rights to talk to her. When she brought Annette into her lifestyle, you gained that right.

Once you do, if she continues to disturb Annette with her talk and behavior I would stop letting them associate outside of school.

I would definitely talk to her before the sleep over. This is a tough one but you do need to let her know you have clear lines that are not to be crossed.

[shortney]

Wow.. I remember when I had "the talk" with my 12 year old daughter. I think it did help her a lot knowing that I'm open to the topic and discussing about it will really help our children. I know how awkward it is to discuss about sex at a very young age but it is necessary for them to know about the risks about being sexually active like the diseases such as HPV, HEPA B, STD, AIDS, SYPH and etc and talking about the responsibility of being a young mother would really make them realize about doing the act will cause a big trouble for their future.

Communication is really the key for a good parent and child relationship. Support and Guide them always, coz thats our job right?

[charliegirl]

You're right Shortney. Parenting is the most important job in the world.

Welcome to our group!

[misty]

I agree Shortney......our kids need to know they can discuss anything with us & we will give them honest answers. I'm glad you jumped right in & started posting. Welcome!

[jill]

I am happy to add nothing since our talk. My girl does know she can talk to me about anything and so far does when something is bothering her.