Post by misty on Jan 6, 2007 18:07:25 GMT -5
Charlie Girl..........Thread Started on Feb 24, 2006, 12:42pm
Oop! I do this! DON'T TEACH YOUR CHILD TO MISBEHAVE!
Here is a pattern that is easy to fall into and which is associated with increasing misbehavior and non-compliance. You ask or tell your child to do something like pick up his toys. Your child ignores you and keeps on playing. You repeat your request and your child ignores you again. You get angry and intensify your demand; your child gets angry in response and starts to tantrum. After a few more cycles of this you are both good and angry. To keep things from exploding, you drop your demand, send your child away, and pick up the toys yourself because "it's not worth all the hassle and aggravation" trying to make your child do it.
Most parents have been through something like this, and with children who have ADHD and are also oppositional, this is a distressingly frequent occurrence. Unfortunately, what a child learns from this type of exchange is that if they just hang in there and persist in being defiant, they will eventually get their way. What happens, therefore, is that your child's disobedience is actually being REWARDED. This can really result in things going downhill because your child is being taught that defiance actually pays off.
This is why it is important to chose your battles carefully. Once you demand something of your child, BE SURE TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT. If your child persists in being defiant, try using the graded series of consequences as discussed above. Your child needs to see that you mean business, and that there is ABSOLUTELY NO PAYOFF for being disobedient
www.athealth.com/Consumer/farticles/Rabiner.html#4
Oop! I do this! DON'T TEACH YOUR CHILD TO MISBEHAVE!
Here is a pattern that is easy to fall into and which is associated with increasing misbehavior and non-compliance. You ask or tell your child to do something like pick up his toys. Your child ignores you and keeps on playing. You repeat your request and your child ignores you again. You get angry and intensify your demand; your child gets angry in response and starts to tantrum. After a few more cycles of this you are both good and angry. To keep things from exploding, you drop your demand, send your child away, and pick up the toys yourself because "it's not worth all the hassle and aggravation" trying to make your child do it.
Most parents have been through something like this, and with children who have ADHD and are also oppositional, this is a distressingly frequent occurrence. Unfortunately, what a child learns from this type of exchange is that if they just hang in there and persist in being defiant, they will eventually get their way. What happens, therefore, is that your child's disobedience is actually being REWARDED. This can really result in things going downhill because your child is being taught that defiance actually pays off.
This is why it is important to chose your battles carefully. Once you demand something of your child, BE SURE TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT. If your child persists in being defiant, try using the graded series of consequences as discussed above. Your child needs to see that you mean business, and that there is ABSOLUTELY NO PAYOFF for being disobedient
www.athealth.com/Consumer/farticles/Rabiner.html#4
