Under stress again

[mary2]

Well, after I have been hearing wonders about my son at school, today things turned out differently.

Ds comes from school; does not bring his spelling notebook, therefore I had to call a friend so she could dictate the words by the phone; he doesn't bring reading notebook which he needs to study for tomorrow's test (I also asked my friends about the information on that notebook); then I open his folder and I found he had failed in the science exam for which we had studied so hard ( he had no idea what the grade he had represented). I become way so upset with him. It is terrible to think that no matter how hard I work with him, he fails and forgets everything.

Sometimes I get so tired of this that I even feel like forgetting it all and wait for whatever comes; but I just can't and this stresses me way so much. At this moment I have so many feelings of sadness and anger.

I have been studying with him again, but it is just so difficult for him; he can't learn the things even when I make him repeat and repeat them a thousand times. I am usually patient, but I feel I am running out of patience. I feel so tense and sad about this.

Today my son had a psych appointment and I canceled it; I just couldn't take him. I feel so sad and sick of this.

I needed to vent so much. I can't take this all for me alone. It is just too much. I wish I wouldn't mind so bad about this; but I can't just avoid it, I want my son to have a good progress at school and now I find that things are not going well when I thought everything was on the go.

Sorry but I have to

[charliegirl]

Remember, you are just starting out on meds with him. You probably need to tweak his meds, possibly try a different one. I hope there is another that you can try.

Did the evaluation show any memory problems along with ADHD? Is there any way he can take his tests in an area where there are fewer distractions? Its possible he is too easily distracted to remember.

Hang in there! You will find the answers. It just takes time.

[misty]

I'm wondering if he has a working memory deficit. Shannon does & has had many of the same problems your son has.
Heres an excerpt from an article on working memory:


Poor Working Memory and Recall

1. Affects the here and now:

a. limited working memory capacity
b. weak short-term memory (holding information in mind for roughly twenty seconds;capacity-roughly the equivalent of seven numbers)
c. forgetfulness-can't keep several things in mind
As a result, students:
- have difficulty remembering and following instructions.
- have difficulty memorizing math facts, spelling words, and dates.
- have difficulty performing mental computation such as math in one's head.
- forget one part of a problem while working on another segment.
- have difficulty paraphrasing or summarizing.


2. Affects their sense of past events:

a. difficulty recalling the past
As a result, students:
- do not learn easily from past behavior (limited hindsight).
- repeat misbehavior.


3. Affects their sense of time:

a. difficulty holding events in mind
b. difficulty using their sense of time to prepare for upcoming events and the future
As a result, students:
- have difficulty judging the passage of time accurately.
- do not accurately estimate how much time it will take to finish a task; consequently, they may not allow enough time to complete work.


4. Affects their sense of self-awareness:

a. diminished sense of self-awareness
As a result, students:
- do not easily examine or change their own behavior.


5. Affects their sense of the future:

a. students live in the present-focus on the here and now
b. less likely to talk about time or plan for the future


As a result, students:
- have difficulty projecting lessons learned in the past, forward into the future (limited foresight).
- have difficulty preparing for the future.

www.chrisdendy.com/executive.htm

[mary2]

Oh CG, we are not just starting meds. He has been on Concerta for several months. The only thing that changed was the ritalin addition. As for another med, there is no other possibility here. I am not pretty sure this is a meds thing either. The hyper thing has improved tremendously, but not the concentration part; the Dr. told me this is the most difficult part to manage.

He started to have a new psych evaluation last week; he was supposed to go for another appointment today to resume the evaluation, but I got so nervous that I decided to cancel it. The psych called me later and set another chance for Thursday, and she was very nice on the phone about trying to calm me down. I guess she will tell me about memory problems; I guess he has. Tomorrow he has therapy (the pedagogical one) and I will also ask his therapist about her thoughts on this.

Asking in school for special accommodations for him is something they are not prepared to deal with. Why? because here adhd awareness is extremely low; if I asked something like this they would tell me to place him at another school. But what school? there's no school here that understands or deals accordingly in regard to this matter, so...

Well, I guess I just got too upset today. I think tomorrow I will probably feel better; however, my son is not well prepared for the reading exam, but it is already too late to ask more from him; I already asked too much from him this afternoon.

I am just having a crisis today.

[mary2]

Misty, some of the things in the information you posted describe my son.


Thanks for sharing.

[bugsmom]

Mary...your post brought back memories of when my son was in 1st grade. Another mother and I were on the phone EVERY evening trying to dictate to each other what the other one forgot. Both of our son's had ADHD and it usually worked out that if one brought something home the other forgot and visa versa. I so know the anger and frustration when they work so hard and can't seem to retrieve the information.

I think Misty might be onto something with the Working Memory defecit. When tested, my son's working memory was the lowest score in all the testing they did. I've had to come up with special ways for him to remember things for tests and studying. One of the things that has always worked for my son is singing. Now I know they can sing during a test, but Josh and I would study together by singing his answers. When he was in school taking the test, he would just remember the little song in his head and it triggered his memory. It takes a very long time to figure out what works best with school issues. Your son is very young and is also learning bilingually, its got to be a lot a pressure. I've learned though the years that medication is not going to cure it all. As you go, you will learn to adjust and figure out what kind of learner he is. Boy its so hard...I so understand your feelings. I have been there many times.

Hang in there...we all know the disappointing feelings and sadness. I hope tomorrow is a better day...sending you hugs tonight! ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

[katiekat]

Mary, I know exactly what you are going through and how you feel. I try so hard to help Sean but none of it sinks in. He definitely tries my patience. We work so hard on his homework then he forgets to hand it in. Just about everything in Misty's post sounds like him. I have brought this up to several different people at the school since I learned about it here, but was blown off. I do know what you mean about wanting to forget it all and just waiting for what comes because all my efforts are futile. But you are right-we can't do that. Just know that we understand and are here for you when you need to vent

[mary2]

Thanks kk and bugsmom. It was good to read your posts.

The bilingual thing is a real issue. I tried to place him at another school for this year which takes English easier but he wasn't admitted so... On ther other hand, I do think it is important he gets his English early because it will help him tremendously in the future. So, too many things at the same time here.

[mary2]

They called me from my son's school today.

The school psychologist contacted me this morning to tell me she was noticing too much anxiety in my son. She said he is biting his nails and seems very nervous.

OK, that says it all; my fault. Yes, as I have said I have become too anxious with the start of first grade; besides he was entering a new school. She definitely rang my bell; I started trying my best today to show myself easier with him and I did it. He got 11/20 on a reading test and he was very nervous to give it to me. I saw it and told him it was fine but that he could try to do it better next time. He was a little surprised about my reaction; I didn't give too much importance to the test, that's all. I am really going to try to be easier with him in regard to my tension and stress; now, the other part of the story being my husband, also needs to cooperate during the weekend. I called him and talked to him; like the psych said, I told him that applying to much pressure on him in regard to his studies would bring a very negative impact. Let's see if he understood the subject, I hope so. I will certainly change.

I really took my time to post about this. I am a little ashamed about myself about the way I started managing things this year with him. I guess I was too predisposed about first grade and the new school.

[charliegirl]

Does he do better on his reading tests if you read to him? I found with my son that if we took turns reading or if I read to him at bedtime, he did better. You would still need to have him practice his reading if you read to him, but any little bit of help you can give him at this point will encourage him.

Something else you can do is read together, then you can ask him questions about what you just went over. You could discuss what you just read so it doesn't seem to him that he is being quizzed but he will learn to think about what he is reading or has just read.

Maybe you could send a note in to his teacher asking her to let you know how she feels he is doing when she sends his weekly report to you. Sometimes it looks like our kid isn't doing that well but when compared to the other kids in the class, they actually are doing as well as the others. This would give you something to compare his progress with rather than just seeing how many he got wrong or right.