Diet Excuses

[misty]

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But the doughnut was calling my name.
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I felt left out because they were eating.
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But it was my birthday, so I had to eat
The whole cake.
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The kids overseas are starving, so naturally
I have to clean my plate.
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I had to get the bitter taste out of my mouth
From eating the so called dish,
So I had an ice cream.
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If you eat something and no one sees
You eat it, it has no calories.
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If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar,
The calories in the candy bar are canceled
Out by the diet soda.
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When you eat with someone else,
Calories don't count if you don't eat
More than they do.
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Food used for medicinal purposes
NEVER count, such as hot chocolate,
Brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
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If you fatten up everyone else around you,
Then you look thinner.
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Movie related foods (Milk Duds,
Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints,
Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.)
Do not have additional calories
Because they are part of the
Entertainment package and not
Part of one's personal fuel.
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Cookie pieces contain no fat
The process of breaking causes
Fat leakage.
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Exception: Cookies sold by
TEXAS D'LITES distributors.
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Great "Meal Replacement"
With little or no FAT content,
Low in calories, lots of fiber,
Protein, and other nutritional
Ingredients.
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Things licked off knives and spoons
Have no calories if you are in
The process of preparing something.
Examples are peanut butter
On a knife making a sandwich
And ice cream on a spoon
Making a sundae.
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Foods that have the same color
Have the same number of calories.
Examples are: spinach and pistachio
Ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate.
NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color
And may be substituted for any other
Food color.
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Foods that are frozen have no calories
Because calories are units of heat.
Examples are ice cream, frozen pies,
And Popsicles.

[mary2]

"If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar,
The calories in the candy bar are canceled
Out by the diet soda."

Oh, this sounds like me sometimes.

"Things licked off knives and spoons
Have no calories if you are in
The process of preparing something."

For example, a cake's frosting like the one I made today, lol

[unicorn]

Those were funny.