Marriage Message #317

[John]

Give Your Marriage a Fighting Chance - Marriage Message #317


This week we wanted to give you a sample from a new web site, www.theintentionallife.com, and feature the ministry of Dr. Randy Carlson. You can also hear his programs by going to his web site. You can also find a lot of other helpful articles on marriage, raising children, and family life, in general. We found this article and thought the three principles he discusses will serve to remind us that sometimes we do need to "fight" for our marriages.� Read his thoughts and then we'll add some thoughts afterward.

Peace is not the absence of noise. Have you ever thought of that? It's particularly true in marriages. Perhaps you believe that if there are no loud words, no heated exchanges ...essentially, no fighting -- everything must be okay. Problem is, if there is no fighting, it can mean there is no "anything."

There are a lot of marriages dying today in silent apathy. Men in particular, but women as well, can mistake routine for satisfaction. If everything is taken care of: the home is neat, the kids are bathed, the bills are being paid, the food is on the table -- they believe everything is fine, when under the surface there are a lot of ongoing and unsolved problems. What can you do to give your marriage a fighting chance?

First, settle the fact that your vows do matter. Your marriage commitment was for a lifetime. There is no "out." You said, "I do." You need to live as though you meant it. Therefore, you must set aside all other priorities to make your marriage work. That's what a marriage is, by the way. It's work. You want to think of it as being nothing but pleasurable, existing to meet your expectations. But that's not reality. Think of it like a bank account. Your marriage is only going to grow as long as your depositing more into it than you are withdrawing from it. Ask yourself, "What more can I put into my marriage to show my spouse that I am truly committed to this relationship?"

Secondly, keep in mind the Biblical principle to think not only of your own interests, but the interests of others. That means you are to make the marriage, and your spouse, more important than yourself and your perceived needs. Get behind the eyes of your husband or wife. See life like they do. Sacrifice yourself for the benefit of the marriage. Ask your spouse, "What are some things you need from me than I am currently not providing for you?"

Finally, don't be afraid of conflicts. Instead, face them head-on, wrestle them down to the mat, and pin them down. Then know how to make up -- not remaining bitter or resentful, but instead letting the disagreement enhance your understanding and respect for each other. There are a lot of silent marriages that are really not at all peaceful. But there are those that have some conflict -- sometimes even argumentative and angry, that are peaceful because those couples can resolve their conflicts in a Biblically appropriate and constructive way.

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[jj]

I don't know why I read that - I'm not married and don't intend on getting married again but it was a good article.

I have to agree that people do not take their vows seriously enough but I'm not totally sold on "there is no way out". I think marriages are a lot of work but how much work...well, I do draw the line. Whats the point if it is all work and no fun, play, enjoyment. And I also have a problem with one making all the effort when the other doesn't. I think one risks becoming totally defeated if you are the only one "working at it".

But for the most part it is good sound advise.

[John]

JJ. I concur marriage is a LOT of work, no doubt about it. I guess it depends if the draw the line in the sand or in the wet cement . . . Hmmm.
It shouldn't ALL work and NO play, I don't think they were trying to say that.

[jj]

Your right John....I don't think they were trying to say that either but I know some religions make one feel like you have to put up with just about anything. I personally think people just marry the wrong people. In my opinion, I don't think marriage should be hard work if people just took the time to know FOR SURE they are compatable. I have learned this from experience. Actually, that really isn't very funny in God's eyes, I'm sure.

My second marriage was like that. We got along great. It was such smooth sailing that I guess we thought something was wrong. LOL

But mistake or not, I know the point in this article is... you said the vows and now you have to commit yourself - really commit yourself - to making it work.