Post by misty on Jan 12, 2007 14:41:52 GMT -5
Duh .... " You can't fix stupid." These people prove it is a terminal
>condition. As always, competition this year has been keen. The candidates
>this year were....
>
> Eighth Place
> In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
>water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
>retrieve his car keys.
>
> Seventh Place
> A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
>ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
>
> Sixth Place
> Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
>dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
>Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
>sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
>collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the
>outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
>Jones, a resident of Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took
>rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about
>200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>
> Fifth Place
> Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , A , as he fell
>face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
>Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
>keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
>
> Fourth Place
> Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville , Del , as he
> won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with
>four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
>
> As Ron White often says : " You can't fix stupid." These people
>prove it is a terminal condition. As always, competition this year has been
>keen.
>
> Third Place (My personal favorite!)
> The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington
>, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a
>previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
> 1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop
>specializing in handguns.
> 2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
> 3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked
>police patrol car parked at the front door.
> 4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having
>coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced
>a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
>
> The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer
>with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several
>customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and fired.
>The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
>investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
>subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
>rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of
>fire.
>
> HONORABLE MENTION
> Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his
>wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter- stick of dynamite blew up in
>their car While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite
>and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but
>apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
>
> RUNNER UP: TACOMA , WA
> Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of
>them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
>Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at
>least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon
>arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
>brought a bungee rope.
>
> Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
>a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured
>around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
>lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
>ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was
>rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, is that God
>was watching out for me on that night.
>
> There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
>located.
>
> AND THE WINNER...
> Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany) fed his
>constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
>bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm finally
>let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
>Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
>ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
>"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
>Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay
>unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him"
>said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there
>to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
>watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
>just one of those freak accidents that proves... "nuts happens."
>
>condition. As always, competition this year has been keen. The candidates
>this year were....
>
> Eighth Place
> In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
>water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
>retrieve his car keys.
>
> Seventh Place
> A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
>ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.
>
> Sixth Place
> Buxton , NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
>dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
>Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
>sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
>collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the
>outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
>Jones, a resident of Woodbridge , VA , but could not reach him. It took
>rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about
>200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
>
> Fifth Place
> Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , A , as he fell
>face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
>Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
>keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.
>
> Fourth Place
> Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville , Del , as he
> won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with
>four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
>
> As Ron White often says : " You can't fix stupid." These people
>prove it is a terminal condition. As always, competition this year has been
>keen.
>
> Third Place (My personal favorite!)
> The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington
>, DC appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a
>previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
> 1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop
>specializing in handguns.
> 2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
> 3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked
>police patrol car parked at the front door.
> 4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having
>coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced
>a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.
>
> The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer
>with a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several
>customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and fired.
>The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
>investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
>subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
>rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of
>fire.
>
> HONORABLE MENTION
> Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his
>wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter- stick of dynamite blew up in
>their car While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite
>and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but
>apparently failed to notice the window was closed.
>
> RUNNER UP: TACOMA , WA
> Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of
>them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows
>Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at
>least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon
>arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had
>brought a bungee rope.
>
> Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
>a coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured
>around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
>lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
>ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was
>rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, is that God
>was watching out for me on that night.
>
> There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never
>located.
>
> AND THE WINNER...
> Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn , Germany) fed his
>constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
>bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged- up pachyderm finally
>let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
>Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
>ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him.
>"The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr.
>Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay
>unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him"
>said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no one there
>to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a
>watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be
>just one of those freak accidents that proves... "nuts happens."
>
