Pet Diaries - Hilarious!!!

[unicorn]

Dog's Diary entries...
>
>8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!
>
>9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
>
>9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
>
>10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
>
>12:00 pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
>
>1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
>
>3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
>
>5:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
>
>7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
>
>8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
>
>11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
>
>
>Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:
>
>Day 683 of my captivity:
>
>My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
>
>They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash
>or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations
>perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my
>strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
>
>In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.
>
>Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
>feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly
>demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
>condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The
audacity!
>
>There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
>placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could
>hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was
>due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to
>use it to my advantage.
>
>Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
>tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
>this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
>
>I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
>
>The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and
>seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded!
>
>The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with
>the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The
>captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he
is
>safe.......for now...

[jj]

I got this in my email a while back and it is hysterical. I loved reading it again.

[poodledoodles]

That is too funny!

Ironically my cat just through up this morning!

[misty]

The dog diary sounds JUST like what I think my dog would think! Too funny, Uni!

[unicorn]

misty said:

The dog diary sounds JUST like what I think my dog would think! Too funny, Uni!

Misty I can see my cat thinking the way this cat does. Cracks me up to look at her now.

[bugsmom]

Uni...that was the funniest thing I've read in a long time! We found a stray kitten this past July and I've never lived with a cat before...I swear he is the funniest thing...I could just see him saying those exact words. My dog is just the cutest, most lovable, goofy girl, and the cat just ignores her, then taunts her just for fun...when he feels like taking an interest. Thanks for the laugh!