Not just "a bad kid"

[lillian]

KK,

I'm home from work, so I have time to answer your response in more detail, now.

When you talk about having Sean privately evaluated, you return to the idea that this will influence the school's decision not to test Sean. When I suggested you have Sean privately evaluated for LD's, I wasn't talking about it in terms of making the school help Sean or presenting the findings of the private evaluation to the school. If he is found to have LD's, I most certainly would send the findings to the school, and put the ball in their court because at that point, he becomes "a child with a suspected learning disability," and because he also is struggling academically, they MUST test him. If they do not, and he fails and has received no academic support or intervention services from the school, then you have grounds for a lawsuit. Time and again, parents have won suits like this. Parents have won suits when the school had private testing that showed a disability, the child was struggling severely in school, and the school did not test the child, after repeated parental requests to do so.

Still, the reason I suggested private testing has nothing to do with the school. It has to do with Sean. The quicker you intervene to help him with his LD's, the more likely you will be to remediate them. The longer you wait, the harder they are to remediate. Research is very clear about this.

You have tried for two years to get the school to help you, to conduct thorough psychoeducational testing, and to give him needed services, if he is found to have an LD. Over and over again, the school has refused to do this, saying that Sean is doing fine academically, while the clock continues to tick, and, now, of course, Sean's grades are beginning to fall. At this point, fighting the school is not what is important. Getting remediation is what is important. If you have to do it privately, then do it. You are lucky. You can afford it. Do it.

Don't wait until next year to prove the school wrong with standardized testing. Don't waste your time fighting a school that will not listen. Simply send the school the facts, as they play out. Send the school the testing that shows an LD, if the testing does. Send the school the name of the tutor you are going to use. Send the school copies of all of Sean's progress monitors from tutoring (make sure the tutor monitors closely with excellent pre- and post-tests). Keep excellent financial records of all the money you spend on tutoring, but don't send this to the school . If, at some point, you want to go back and sue the school, having all these records will be useful.

And while you do all this, know that in the end, the result may be that you will bring Sean up to level, and the school will no longer be obligated to do a dang thing. When that happens, smile, pat yourself on the back, and know that you did the best thing you could possibly do for Sean given the situation you were in. You found someone to help him, and he now is able to do the work he could not do.

I wish I had better news for you. I wish I had a better plan, which included the school suddenly and very quickly stepping up to the plate and helping your son. But the school never has. Know, once again, that you are one of the lucky parents, KK. You can afford private tutoring. There are tens of thousands of parents just like you, all over the country, who cannot afford private tutoring and are at the mercy of school districts, who are doing the same things to these parents that Sean's school district is doing to you, or who are placing their children in remedial programs that are inadequate and refusing to acknowledge the fact that the programs are.

[katiekat]

Lillian, Ok I do see what you are saying. I did think that I would be getting this testing done to show to the school and hope that they would take the recomendations. I was thinking along these lines because that is what my friend has done. She took her daughter to Rowan for the testing and then gave the results to the school. The private tutoring never even crossed my mind.

The school has told me that although he is "in the lower half" of kids in his grade, where he is at is acceptable. I tend to disagree however I am no expert. They make me feel like my expectations are too high and that I am being unrealistic about what he should be able to do at this point. They have told me on more than one occasion not to compare him to my other child. You
have read my concerns about Sean here and I am just curious if you think that is the case or if he does have LD(s)? Sometimes they make me doubt myself and wonder if I am making too much of this. In my heart I don't think I am.

Who exactly do I get to do the testing, what type of place does this testing and what specific testing am I looking for? I don't mean to sound like an idiot but I have made many calls to places and they were not even what I really was looking for. Thanks for your help.

[lillian]

There was a woman on Schwab, who went on and on about how great this woman was:

www.margaretkay.com/

She's in Pennsylvania, but it sounds like it would be a very worthwhile day trip for you and Sean. I would try calling her and seeing how quickly you can get into see her. If it's months down the road, let me know, and I will give you some other ideas.

[carol]

I think the private evaluation by a psychologist is a good starting point to assess his learning needs. I called around when my son needed his and was directed to someone in Ardmore, PA. His school had to fund her but I privately paid for my older son's evaluation through her. She charged me $500 and she is well respected in the field. She provided a very comprehensive evaluation and really worded it in such a way to assist the school in helping him. She also sat in my son's IEP meeting and presented a picture of my son in which the school could understand and write an appropriate IEP.

KK,
Frustration is a nasty cycle for a child. My son still struggles daily with some form of frustration and he is getting help. My heart breaks for all these kids. In some cases, their entire school experiences are reaped with failures. And failure seems to beget more failure. It just seems to ruin any feelings of learning ever being positive or fun. My son had some tears of his own today with his strong fear of reading. Sean is struggling. While everything remains the same in the class and the other children are moving ahead, Sean progress stays still, if you will. The fact that he realizes it is attacking his self-esteem. I feel for Sean. If you think you want to use this psychologist, I would be happen to provide the info.

Take care.

[lillian]

KK,

I want to go ahead and give you a bunch of ideas, so you have many to choose from.

1. Major universities often have psychology students who do testing under the supervision of a professor. This can be one of the most economical ways to have testing done, depending on the university. Being up there around all the Ivy Leagues, you have a phenomenal choice because a lot of research is done at those universities, which means they receive funding. When they receive funding, they often will provide testing on a sliding scale. The only problem with using a student to do testing is that you want to make sure that the student is supervised by someone who is licensed, and that the licensed person will supervise and sign off on the student's evaluation.

2. Because you are predominately concerned about Sean's reading, calling the International Dyslexia Association's (IDA) local and/or state chapter may be a good idea. Tell them you want a reference for VERY comprehensive/thorough language testing, and you want to know who they would HIGHLY recommend. Because you live around some major cities, I would call the chapters in those cities first, for there will be a bigger choice for them to choose from.

3. Special Education advocates or advocacy groups often have evaluators they recommend.

4. Parent support groups, like those associated with IDA and CHADD and autism support centers, often have evaluators they would recommend. Attending a meeting and asking can be a great way to find an evaluator.

5. You can fly here and have Sean's language skills evaluated by the neurologist who evaluated my son's. ;D His testing was the best I have ever seen anyone do. Unbelievable testing, and it was only $350! It's only oral/reading/spelling testing, but it came with a fifteen page report.

[lillian]

Oh, my gosh! I just went to the thread on Dr. Kay to see if she gave a price for her evaluation, and I saw that there is an autism conference in Philadelphia at the end of this month!! GO!!! Oh, that's it! You'll meet other parents and be able to network. Go and attend EVERY parent seminar. If there's a dinner, GO TO THAT! Ask, ask, ask about evaluators and tutors.

[katiekat]

Thanks Lillian I am going to look into each of your suggestions. I am going to look for something a bit closer because Sean will not tolerate a drive that is 2 1/2 hours long...and then have to do testing when he arrives at his destination. He is not a kid who will ever fall asleep in the car and his Gameboy holds his attention for all of 10 minutes. He doesn't like long car rides at all and it would be disastrous for all involved.

Previously I was mainly concerned with his reading but my concerns have now extended to writing and math. He is getting the OT to work on the writing, but as the math gets harder he has no idea what to do. So Im pretty much concerned all around.

As I said before my friend had her daughter tested at Rowan-I know that cost them $2000. I would like to wait until after April 21 when we go for the neuropsych evaluation because then I will know where we are headed with the possibility of Aspergers. The neuropsych is $475 an hour so we will need to space it out a bit. Also my husband has to come to all appointments now because of the experience with the psychiatrist. Because I am not Sean's biological mother he refused to speak to me even though my h told him that I am the person to speak to and spend more time than anyone with Sean. I dont want to set up a long-awaited appointment and then be refused because I am "just" the stepmother. Besides, that guy kind of traumatized me, he was horrible. Anyway I think my point was he can't keep taking off so much or he will have no job. Do you think it would be the same with educational testing or maybe it is just medical? I would have to ask before I went I guess. One last question-would the testing/tutoring be different for a child who has Aspergers vs one who doesnt? Ok I think I am done babbling I am going to check out Dr Kays site again. Thanks, thanks, thanks!

[notellin]

This is just so unfair!! The reason that he is academically behind is because they did nothing to help him. And now, you have provided the help via meds. And now, his self-esteem begins to take a beating because he realizes how behind he is. This just isn't right.

[jill]

Every time I suspected something needed to be done with my daughter I did all of my screening and paid for it private for you get better results. I then presented it to the CSE and got the services I wanted. Private screening is the best way to go.

[carol]

It is unfortunate that a parent has to fight to get their child help instead of a school providing it uncoerced. I see it both ways, a parent in denial not wanting address the child 's problem or the other way around where a parent asks for help and gets the runaround. When will anyone get it right? It is somewhat why I shifted my focus from teaching to the Human Service field. I intend to go to the next level in my education after completing this degree. I cannot stand by and watch anymore.