Kids Advocating for themselves?

[lcdc1]

How do all of you that have kids with LD's and/or ADHD feel about your kids being thier own advocates? I had a physc visit today and set one up for Ran to meet with this guy I see to understand being a teenager with ADD and what it is and what options are, she agreed to visit with him one time.

Anyway, my doc said that maybe Ran needs to fail or succeed on her own in some stuff? And I said that would be good if she would speak up and not pretend everything is all good all the time, I told him she does not talk to adults until she really gets to know them and trust them. And a lot of times adults misread this in her as defiance or not being interested, when that is not the case. He thinks she has some anxiety issue too. I may not be the best parent in the world in all this, but I do want Ran to be all she can be and I am afraid that she will not advocate for herself and that will cause so many more issues down the road or hurt her self esteem.

So as parents, what is your take on this? What do you all with older kids and teens do to help your kid be a good advocate for themselves?

[rakuflames]

Apr 9, 2008 15:41:35 GMT -5 lcdc1 said:

How do all of you that have kids with LD's and/or ADHD feel about your kids being thier own advocates? I had a physc visit today and set one up for Ran to meet with this guy I see to understand being a teenager with ADD and what it is and what options are, she agreed to visit with him one time.

Anyway, my doc said that maybe Ran needs to fail or succeed on her own in some stuff? And I said that would be good if she would speak up and not pretend everything is all good all the time, I told him she does not talk to adults until she really gets to know them and trust them. And a lot of times adults misread this in her as defiance or not being interested, when that is not the case. He thinks she has some anxiety issue too. I may not be the best parent in the world in all this, but I do want Ran to be all she can be and I am afraid that she will not advocate for herself and that will cause so many more issues down the road or hurt her self esteem.

So as parents, what is your take on this? What do you all with older kids and teens do to help your kid be a good advocate for themselves?

I think people who make such suggestions should know the child in question. My older daughter needed to advocate for herself -- and started doing it spontaneously when she was ready for it.

I think the thing that empowers them is knowledge, but they know when they're ready. They don't WANT adults running their lives. They want to be in charge of themselves.

I'm all for self-advocacy, but when each individual is ready will vary. I think it would be far better to work through this process with the young person. It appears that this adult is ready to set this goal for your teen ... and that's not self-advocacy. See what I mean?

[lcdc1]

yeah rakuflames, I do see what U mean! HUHM?

[charliegirl]

I have to agree with Raku. You should encourage her to speak up for herself and take her with you to meetings concerning her, etc. Ask her opinion on things that are being discussed but you should never push a child into self advocacy. If she is uncomfortable sharing at meetings you can always have her jot things down for you to read or discuss them with her after.

You shouldn't sign an IEP until you have had time after the meeting to review it anyway. That would give you time to get her input.

If things such as her being allowed to take a test in another, quieter location are included, make sure she either isn't given the choice or that someone is required to ask her what she needs in a manner that won't draw attention to her.

Basically, any time someone suggests she start advocating for herself, ask her how she feels about it and whether she feels ready.

[puzzled]

Just this year, Chase has had to advocate for himself. He knows what his rights are and he is strong enough to speak up. But if he were NOT strong enough, I would not agree with just letting him flounder, I would step in.

[misty]

I've insisted that Shannon be at every IEP meeting since we've had an IEP. I'm trying to have her learn as we go. She gets a chance to add her input & ideas, likes & dislikes, etc at every meeting & she sees firsthand how we are all working to help her achieve her goals & what goes into those decisions. Shes pretty comfortable adding her voice & shes learning to advocate for herself along the way.

[rakuflames]

Apr 9, 2008 20:12:37 GMT -5 charliegirl said:

I have to agree with Raku. You should encourage her to speak up for herself and take her with you to meetings concerning her, etc. Ask her opinion on things that are being discussed but you should never push a child into self advocacy. If she is uncomfortable sharing at meetings you can always have her jot things down for you to read or discuss them with her after.

You shouldn't sign an IEP until you have had time after the meeting to review it anyway. That would give you time to get her input.

If things such as her being allowed to take a test in another, quieter location are included, make sure she either isn't given the choice or that someone is required to ask her what she needs in a manner that won't draw attention to her.

Basically, any time someone suggests she start advocating for herself, ask her how she feels about it and whether she feels ready.

When my daughter was ready she just started doing it.

For instance, she sang in a children's choir but hadnt' been promoted to the top group three years in a row. She didn't understand it, but accepted it.

Then we got her started on Ritalin, which really was a miracle drug.

Next thing I know she's on the phone to the director asking for a re-audition. She pointed out that she was singing second soprano on difficult music, sight reading, and neither the soprano nor alto could keep her place.

The director realized she was right, and let her re-audition -- and she went into the top group.

Then the school tried to tell her she couldn't take AP classes because her previous grades weren't strong enough (again, pre-Ritalin). She asked if there was any way to appeal that decision -- again, with absolutely no input from me. They said there was a test but that no one had ever passed it.

She blew the top off of it. She ended up taking five AP classes. She took three of the national exams. She got a 5 on two and a 4 on the other.

But it was when SHE was ready to do this.

[rakuflames]

Apr 9, 2008 20:13:41 GMT -5 puzzled said:

Just this year, Chase has had to advocate for himself. He knows what his rights are and he is strong enough to speak up. But if he were NOT strong enough, I would not agree with just letting him flounder, I would step in.

That's exactly the issue. it is not fair to these kids to just suddenly demand that they fend for themselves on what are really very difficult issues.

[jill]

I plan to take Annette to her meetings in a few years so she learns and has input. they say if they have input they are more likely to follow the plan