Discipline

[charliegirl]

I have to say that I have a big problem with pulling a child's hair to get them to mind. I can understand grabbing him by the hair to get him off a 3 yr old but as a means of discipline, it bothers me.

I wish I had something to suggest that works most of the time but rewards for good behavior are the only thing that I can think of. My nephew has aspergers and rewards and consistency were the most effective system for him.

He is in his 20s now but when I think back, he liked to do things that hurt my son who is 11 years younger, like a quick punch when no one was looking. He thought he was playing and didn't realize that he was hurting my son because it wouldn't have hurt him. He did stop eventually but had a lot of set backs before he stopped for good.

The weird thing is that he was very protective of little girls. He saw them as very delicate and fragile but couldn't understand that little boys were just as fragile.

[lcdc1]

yeah and that book I am in the middle of has another good point - ADHD kids and other kids that have issues constantly are reminded of things they do wrong and it wears on their self esteem, we as parents, have to emphasis the positive! It is our job no matter how hard it is.

[dimples74]

I know hair pulling may not be the best thing to do, but I use it to get him off his brother, to stop him from hitting me, and things like that. I know you guys think that is awful and I respect that, I truly do, but for Noah it has been the only thing that can get him to calm down. I don't know if I use it as discipline as such, just as a means to stop him.......Obviously, I don't use it like a spanking or time-out. That would be about stupid. Mama use to DRAG me by my hair when I was little. I work at my home church part-time and the Pastor and I were laughing one day because the room we fold bulletins in is the room they use to take me out of church to and spank my rear good. I know you had to have heard it in the sanctuary. You'd think they would have been a bit smarter and went outside. Discipline will always be controversal. I just have to find what works and so far, they are temporary fixes. I would NEVER physically harm my child as a form of discipline and I try not to yell. Larry yells / growls at Noah and Noah gets scared and stops---yeah, that's real mature. There are still parts of NC that paddle in schools. I got one in elementary school b/c a pulled a chair out from under this guy when he was sitting down. Sadly, he had a learning disability, but back then, schools didn't really have a early intervention program like they do now. Jerry was annoying and he laughed when I did it. Not so funny now-------I never bothered Jerry again!!!!
I will probably spend more time in this forum on discipline because it is a constant struggle. It is not so much the discipline as it is correcting the behavior b/c obviously it doesn't do so. It is probably just another one of those issues where he is only 5 and he has neurological issues. I will always respect anyone's opinion and take what I can from suggestions........

[misty]

Remember too that kids with ADHD are 1 1/2 to 2 years behind their peers. So if your son is 5, look at his behavior & think "is this normal behavior for a 3 year old"? Try treating him as you would a 3 year old who is displaying those same behaviors. I find that now that Shannon is almost 14, the gap is closing a bit. 12 yr olds & 14 yr olds act more the same than 3 & 5 yr olds do.

Rewards & praising good behavior do work, but it takes a long time & a lot of consistency to really see the improvement. When Shannon was small we had so many sleep issues. Until she was 9 or 10 she wouldn't sleep in her own room & I truly thought we'd be having issues forever. But eventually persistence (and maturity I guess) caught up & now I look back & it seems so long ago. It can wear you down, but the changes will eventually come so hang in there & keep coming here for support. We truly do care about our members & their kids.