Post by Tigger on May 4, 2008 17:01:36 GMT -5
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and then
horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and
rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the
saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get
a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down
the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she
leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now
at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is battered
against the ground again and again. She is mere moments away from
unconsciousness when........
........the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
**************************************************
One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked.
The Blonde asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was a
thermous. What does the thermous do? It keeps hot things hot
and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to
work one day and the blondes boss who also is a blonde said what
is that thing? It is a thermous the first blonde said. What does
it do? Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. What do you have
in it? I have coffee and a popcycle in it.
**************************************************
A blonde goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer decides to start with the basics.
'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?'
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for
about 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!'
The interviewer tries another straightforward one
to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height,
please?'
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring
tape from her handbag. She then traps one end
under her foot and extends the tape to the top of
her head. She checks the measurement and announces,
'Five foot two!'
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for
the real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for our
records, your name please?'
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about
twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself,
before replying, 'Mandy!'
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so
he asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand
your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and
the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what
were you doing when we asked you your name?'
'Ohh that!', replies the blonde, 'That's just me running
through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....''
***********************************************
Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and
besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied
something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.
That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful
Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she
fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check
stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes
enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing
in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly
go wrong?
At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the
car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet
and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody
clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with
her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait
saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.
"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be
the matter?
Judi replied, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."
"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the
engine was purring like a cat again.
"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?"
"Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied.
Looking shocked she asked, "Oh. How many times a week do
I have to do that?"
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and then
horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and
rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the
saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get
a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down
the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly
impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she
leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now
at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is battered
against the ground again and again. She is mere moments away from
unconsciousness when........
........the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
**************************************************
One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked.
The Blonde asked the clerk what it was. The Clerk said it was a
thermous. What does the thermous do? It keeps hot things hot
and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to
work one day and the blondes boss who also is a blonde said what
is that thing? It is a thermous the first blonde said. What does
it do? Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. What do you have
in it? I have coffee and a popcycle in it.
**************************************************
A blonde goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer decides to start with the basics.
'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?'
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for
about 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh .. 22!'
The interviewer tries another straightforward one
to break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height,
please?'
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring
tape from her handbag. She then traps one end
under her foot and extends the tape to the top of
her head. She checks the measurement and announces,
'Five foot two!'
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for
the real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for our
records, your name please?'
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about
twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself,
before replying, 'Mandy!'
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so
he asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understand
your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and
the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what
were you doing when we asked you your name?'
'Ohh that!', replies the blonde, 'That's just me running
through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you....''
***********************************************
Judi was bored with driving her BMW. It laced individuality and
besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied
something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.
That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful
Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she
fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check
stub later and off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes
enjoying her beautiful new car. Her long blonde hair was flowing
in the wind, music blaring from the radio, what could possibly
go wrong?
At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the
car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet
and concluded after a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody
clue what was wrong. Luckily she had her mobile phone with
her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub and a short wait
saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.
"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be
the matter?
Judi replied, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."
"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the
engine was purring like a cat again.
"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?"
"Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied.
Looking shocked she asked, "Oh. How many times a week do
I have to do that?"
