My mom's answering machine

[anon4now]

It used to be the opening credits to the Twilight Zone, since she never checks her machine. Now it says this:


Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so that we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, just listen - a voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic, feel free to continue singing
and talking into the phone. A live person will be available to speak with you in 6 short hours.
If you are depressed, it doesn't matter what you press. No one will answer.

[charliegirl]

Funny!

I think I would hang up when she didn't answer after I heard it once. I hate long messages on answering machines. For a while all mine said was "leave a message". LOL

[anon4now]

Oh yea, it takes forever. I actually only listened to it once, and was cracking up. But because she doesn't listen to her machine, I hang up now and call her cell.

My dad has one that says, "If you're a telemarketer, please just hang up and stop wasting everyones time, if you are friend or family, I guess you can leave a message." I thought that was pretty funny, but his wife didn't think so.

Anon

[charliegirl]

I like your dad's. It sounds like what I would have. I don't even check our voice mail anymore. I just look at the caller ID and if its someone I want to talk to, I call them back.

[sim]

mine use to say "If your calling for money we don't have any... we are only human."

my husband and i thought it was funny but my mom found it offensive

[anon4now]

Mine says, "We're either not home, or not answering the phone, either way, leave a message."

Usually, we're not answering the phone ha ha.

[jj]

I remember reading those somewhere and just about died laughing. I can't believer your Mom really has that on her answering machine.

I have nothing clever on mine. I hate long messages but I know if I called your Mom's phone and never heard that before I would listen to the whole thing it is so funny.