Accepting Adhd

[jfla]

"You haven't accepted the Adhd," said the counselor to my freshman son last Spring. I am just beginning to understand the reality of this statement, as I watch my son take charge of his life.

I think that all of the guidance and support we provided and the varying experiences learning how to advocate for himself were undoubtedly helpful. In hindsight the book about Adhd and the college student, which we read and discussed together, was very accurate. But nothing takes the place of experience in the real world for learning how to own something.

Last year must have been challenging, as he struggled with

-Time Management
-Medication Management
-Study Habits
-Exercise
-Sleep Issues
-Keeping Track of Objects to Reduce Loss
-Accommodations

Sound familiar?

Learning from his freshman experiences, and armed with a list of challenges/goals, he decided to seek the help of a coach on campus this year.

At his college, the saying goes "study, sleep, socialize. Pick two." He has tried numerous types of planners, received a high school award because he can actually do it so well, but now he says he lives in the present and rejects planners. He didn't want any kind of planner or even notepad and pencil this Fall until he met with his coach.

It must be going better because last I heard is,

-that he is finishing up his homework two days before it is due. He also experienced finishing homework by 6pm, a first for him.

Without fail he has been running daily at 8am. That means he is probably sleeping better and able to wake to an alarm. had severe sleep problems last year-

He is organizing Study Parties. i suppose it is debatable if you can do both study and party, but that's what he calls it.

Last fall he didn't turn in his letters requesting accoms to his professors, because he wanted to see how he did pass fail. Spring, he didn't turn them in until he saw how it affected his test taking.

Sorry this has gotten a bit random. maybe I will edit this later.

Anyway, even with all the bumps and glitches of last year, we think last year was a success; he didn't flunk out, ....and he learned from his challenges, recognized what needs to change and is seeking help through weekly coaching.

[anon4now]

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger


Glad to hear he has walked away from Freshman year with a plan and determination. I hope for his continued success.

Anon

[puzzled]

jfla, I read your posts with such interest. I am already beginning to wonder what on earth chase is gonna do in college. He can't remember to take his meds 5 days out of 7, and even when I tell him, "time to take meds" if there is something shiny to distract him, or a cat walks by, or the sun shines through the window while he is on the way to the med case, all is lost. When I went to visit my sister and nephew when he was in bad shape, I put Jake in charge of chase's meds and prayed a lot. Jake is a 30 year old in a 15 year old's body so it worked out, but I had to tell chase ahead of time that jake is to be listened to, not argued with.

He also rebels against planners, though I think he is using it this year...I have gotten two emails from two different teachers that are glowing and wonderful, he is getting all of the work done and on time. So far. We have not been in school quite a month yet.

Anyway, after a bit of rambling, I get to the point...I worry about chase when he is older.

[lcdc1]

I think the boy is very smart to seek out the help of a coach, that is cool, he seems to be maturing and he wants to succeed. I bet he will do so well with a coach! Keep us posted. ;D

[jfla]

puzzled said, "I worry about chase when he is older"

It sounds like J is very much like chase too. I used to worry and jokingly tell J that he will need a good secretary when he grows up. My son who is three years younger was often given the responsibility for things that I knew J would forget. (Consequently he became very mature and responsible.)His doctor, adhd himself, always said to enlist the support of others to help with difficult areas. Nevertheless thinking that he should be able to do it on his own, every school year, I selected two or three goals that I wanted him to achieve by the end of the school year. Med Mgt, planners, waking up independently...you know, the usual. Altho he met some of these goals in high school, freshman year in college he did fall back to old habits. Falling back was easy without the structure of home and parents to ensure he did not fail.

Often the question is asked, "How much does a parent help, guide & let go?" It is always in flux. Looking back, I think it is good that we were so involved that he experienced much success in high school, then when he was experiencing difficulty later, he did not just accept it, but knew he could change it and do better.


I am happy to say that so far this year, he is continuing to hold it together.
We saw him last weekend and he looked really good. Healthy glow, slimming down, well rested, happy, not stressed, dorm room was neat and clean.

This is how he is currently handling last year's struggles:

-Time Management:
Meets Mondays with a coach to fill in planner & seems to be following it

-Medication Management:
I didn't ask if he was regular, but it seems that he is.

-Study Habits:
Getting homework done; I think he does most of it in some place out of his dorm room thus separating work environment from rest & relaxation. He organized regular "study parties". Altho the professor initially questioned the combination of study and party, he usually stops by and helps them with any questions.

-Exercise:
Wakes up everyday at 8am to exercise by running and using the fitness center for one hour. Breakfast is a protein shake in his room. Says by the time he gets to class, he feels like he is ready to start the day.

-Sleep Issues: None so far. Says he gets to bed at a "decent hour". I don't know what that is. I think his luck at having a single dorm room and the regularity of above factors help him here. His summer job helped him become more conscientious about getting to bed earlier. freshman year he was getting to bed 2-4am, missed breakfast, late to class, was frequently exhausted

-Keeping Track of Objects to Reduce Loss: don't know

-Accommodations:
Has turned in letters for accommodations. I do not know if he has met with professors to discuss it.

So that is the latest update. Seems to be enjoying his classes. He's taking courses in his favorite subjects...math, physics & music. From the time he was little those have been favorites of his.

[lillian]

Well, as seems to be the case in every aspect of my life these days, I'm going to speak as the devil's advocate, the odd woman out, and the dissenting voice ;D.

I think study parties are a wonderful idea, and I commend your son for coming up with this idea. College students need to socialize and party. Learning how to balance play and work is one of the great lessons in life because too much of either one will kill you. The students combining the two is just fabulous, IMHO.

[jj]

I agree with you Lillian, so you aren't the odd woman out. LOL I too think having fun in college is just as much an experience young adults should go through as well as buckling down and studying. After all, we'll be balancing career and pleasure time the rest of our lives.

[jfla]

I didn't discover study groups or study parties, as my son calls them, until I was in grad school! I am so glad that my children started this in high school. Study party certainly does have a more positive ring to it!