Post by anon4now on Oct 22, 2008 11:50:34 GMT -5
Ok- not really 101. But I thought I would share my next project.
I just started something with my son last night. And he actually woke up in a good mood this morning, so maybe it's helping already.
I think it's important to remember, These kids need to be listened to. We (as parents) spend so much time telling them what they are doing (either wrong or right, but mostly wrong) and telling them how they are feeling and telling them what's happening...we never stop to ask them. (Mostly because a simple, how are you feeling, can turn into a huge issue!) So I sat down and drew a line and numbered them from 1 - 10. And I asked him about his feelings. The conversation went a little like this:
M: What number are you feeling now?
S: An 8
M: And what does that mean? (he didn't understand so I prompted him with answers like, do you want to hurt yourself? do you want to scream? do you want to hurt someone else?)
S: I want to break something and hurt someone.
M: OK - got it. And what number were you feeling today at breakfast (It was a baaaadddd morning)
S: 10!
M: And what does that mean?
S: I want to break EVERYTHING and hurt EVERYONE
One word - something to everything, and someone to everyone. It makes a huge difference. And I was actually surprised there was a difference. I mean, who could think there was something worse than breaking something? Well, there is, breaking everything!
So we thought of a few more times during the day and what number he was and how it made him feel. We didn't fill them all in last night, but I'll keep adding them as he describes them to me.
I think the next step is important though. The next thing I'm going to do is sit down with his dad, his therapist and him and come up with a plan at each number. What does DS do at level 6? And what does mom & dad do at level 6? So he can decide to play with Silly Putty, and mom and dad need to leave him alone for 10 whole minutes. After 10 mins, we can discuss his number. (Hopefully) it becomes a 4. Ok, at 4, he can walk around the room and mom & dad leave him alone of 5 mins. Now he's a 2. Now we can discuss the problem/issue and come up with a solution. Much much better than a 6 straight to a 10 because mom & dad started yelling, or asking questions, or pushing the issue.
That's my theory anyways. And like I said, just having that small conversation...where we listened to what he was feeling at each level, seems to have relieved some pressure and he was able to wake and have a great morning with me this morning.
I will keep you all updated on his (and our) progress.
Anon
I just started something with my son last night. And he actually woke up in a good mood this morning, so maybe it's helping already.
I think it's important to remember, These kids need to be listened to. We (as parents) spend so much time telling them what they are doing (either wrong or right, but mostly wrong) and telling them how they are feeling and telling them what's happening...we never stop to ask them. (Mostly because a simple, how are you feeling, can turn into a huge issue!) So I sat down and drew a line and numbered them from 1 - 10. And I asked him about his feelings. The conversation went a little like this:
M: What number are you feeling now?
S: An 8
M: And what does that mean? (he didn't understand so I prompted him with answers like, do you want to hurt yourself? do you want to scream? do you want to hurt someone else?)
S: I want to break something and hurt someone.
M: OK - got it. And what number were you feeling today at breakfast (It was a baaaadddd morning)
S: 10!
M: And what does that mean?
S: I want to break EVERYTHING and hurt EVERYONE
One word - something to everything, and someone to everyone. It makes a huge difference. And I was actually surprised there was a difference. I mean, who could think there was something worse than breaking something? Well, there is, breaking everything!
So we thought of a few more times during the day and what number he was and how it made him feel. We didn't fill them all in last night, but I'll keep adding them as he describes them to me.
I think the next step is important though. The next thing I'm going to do is sit down with his dad, his therapist and him and come up with a plan at each number. What does DS do at level 6? And what does mom & dad do at level 6? So he can decide to play with Silly Putty, and mom and dad need to leave him alone for 10 whole minutes. After 10 mins, we can discuss his number. (Hopefully) it becomes a 4. Ok, at 4, he can walk around the room and mom & dad leave him alone of 5 mins. Now he's a 2. Now we can discuss the problem/issue and come up with a solution. Much much better than a 6 straight to a 10 because mom & dad started yelling, or asking questions, or pushing the issue.
That's my theory anyways. And like I said, just having that small conversation...where we listened to what he was feeling at each level, seems to have relieved some pressure and he was able to wake and have a great morning with me this morning.
I will keep you all updated on his (and our) progress.
Anon
I was about to conquer the world but then I got distracted by something shiny.
