Talking about college....

[bugsmom]

I know that a lot of our kids are young, but do you all talk to your kids about college and beyond?

I have always talked to Josh about going to college, what he'd like to do, and what his dreams are, but when I really think about it, it scares me. I can't get past his struggles now, let alone the future.

The reason I ask, is because we had a loooooong talk today about what he wants to do as an adult. He has such a passion for nature and wants to pursue either forrestry, zoology, or something in natural resources. All of these fields will require a college degree. When I look at how difficult school is for him now, the thought of him ACTUALLY fulfilling his dream breaks my heart. I KNOW we're doing everything possible for him to succeed, but will he? Will book work and acedemics drive him away from his goal? He would soar in any of these fields, but how is he going to get there?

We actually looked at some colleges on the web today that offer degrees in these fields. I think it was great for him to research this information so he will know what is expected of him to get there. I only have five short years to prepare him for this. Do you guys ever think about this like I do? Just wondering....

[charliegirl]

I do think about it and talk to my son about it. I just keep hoping that we will find a passion that will keep my son motivated to get that degree.

I know many people who have gotten college degrees in spite of having a learning disability. I have known many people who did very well in high school and couldn't cut it in college. Everything came so easy for them that when they had to actually study and work hard, they didn't know how. The ones who struggled in school actually often were more successful in college since they were used to having to work hard.

Just keep talking to Josh and encouraging him to find a career he wants badly enough to be willing to put in the extra effort.

I know a woman who worried terribly about her son. He couldn't do math and nearly didn't graduate because it was such a struggle for him to pass even the basic math requirements. He decided he wanted a career that requires a lot of math and worked to get his degree. She still doesn't know how he did it but he has been in that career for a few years now and still loves it. I just remember her telling me about him when I start to feel discouraged.

[katiekat]

You're not the only one who thinks of these things Bugs.
Sean is a lot younger than Josh and my husband and I have talked about this more than once. We have not had any conversations with Sean about it because he is way too young and pretty much no one knows what they're gonna do with their future when they are 8.
But yeah, I definitely worry about his future. I'm not even sure if he will want to go to college since school is such a struggle for him and I only see it getting harder. I wonder if he will even be able to hold a job and be a functional adult. I look at his bio. mother who is also BP and think "oh God is this what the future holds for him?"Once he's 18 we can't force him to take meds. At the advice of one of his therapists we have set up a special needs fund for him. We really do worry about that.
I have learned at work about so many programs for kids with special needs and LDs-things I never knew existed. There are programs that help with the transition to college. Also at the college I went to there was something called PACS. I dont know what it stood for but I know it was for kids who had an IEP in highschool.
It's not too soon to look into these things in my opinion. I am starting to look into scholarship things for Joe and he and Josh are the same age. My son has been hellbent on going to UNC for years and it's not free. I work for the Jewish Community Center and they have so many programs you wouldnt believe it. I had no idea all that they do. My job is just one tiny part. They have so much for people with disabilities, senior citizens, cancer, adoption, the list goes on and on. And you do not have to be Jewish for them to help you. I wonder if you have anything like that near you.

[sapphyre]

I think about it too, even those DS is only in Grade 4. I don't really discuss with DH as his educational failings still scar him. Or DS, as he's a bit young to decide what he wants - but I do explain that you need to do well in school for certain professions, etc.

One thing I have considered is that some training is less stressful than others - apprenticeships and traineeships which combine paid work with study is probably a good direction to go.

[lisacap]

We discuss it all the time, and now that we are looking at High Schools for Christian, it is even scarier that in 4 yrs, the time will be here. We are looking at vocational high schools, that have a college base background, but also a technical aspect as well where he can learn a trade. We are hoping that he gets into the Minuteman Academy in Lexington. MA in September. He has gone a tour and will do a shadow day after Febuary vacation, and will be able to tour all 2 fields they offer, everything from EMT's to Collision Specialist to Hair and Dental....He will earn credits and certificates to be able to work, or go into a college...Hoping it works, and for all of you with young kids, it comes quicker than you think....

[puzzled]

At Eright State, the college I am attending right now, there are student services for those with an IEP or learning disability, and I know a couple quarters ago one woman in my algebra class took her tests and quizzes in a separate room, then came into our classroom when she was done....another time in a history class, there was a boy who took his exams separately, so I know these services are offered...

I worry about Chase too when he reaches college level. He does tremendously on his meds, but he cannot ever remember to TAKE the meds unless I tell him, then five minues later, ask him if he actually took them....then five minutes later, getting his pill case and a glass of water and standing there handing the pills to him...<sigh>

[jmb3]

Kids can do amazing things if they want something badly enough. Despite the challenges we see as adults for them

My friend, wasn't especially good at H.S. Went to Devry for the Engineering program entrance test, and passed. Went on and did really well, and has a great job to this day.

I'm certainly not going to tell my child, he can't do something, because low and behold anything is possible. He's surprising us all the time with different things. One step at a time. 8th, h.S. then college.

jmb2

[jfla]

I am about two months late seeing this post and for those of you that know me, you know I have a college age adhd/ld son. I used to have the same concerns when he was younger...just wondering how he would ever put it all together to be able to meet the challenges of independence and feel success in his area of interest. I trust that all of the wonderful things that you conscientious mothers are doing to help guide your child toward independence will sink in. You may not notice it for a long time but keep it up because through osmosis they do learn. Ever so often remind yourself where your child was one or two years ago and think of how much they have grown. What can they do now that they weren't doing before?

One or two years ago, who would have thought that my messy son would want to clean his room on his own before going on vacation or be able to manage his medication when all I saw at home was the kid that repeatedly forgot to take the medication that was sitting in front of him?

A little more than a year ago he wouldn't have wanted to get accommodations, or meet with a coach for time management help. But in the last year he has done this.

Last weekend was Parent's Weekend at my son's college and it was great to see how much he has matured since a year ago when he was a freshman. Things aren't perfect but that's life and it looks good to me He's working extremely hard, loves the challenge, has lots of friends and is very very happy. School work takes longer for him to do than the other kids, but he accepts it. He gets accommodations for extra time, but is also known for going beyond what is expected due to the sheer joy of learning and this passion has developed good relationships with his professors.

He has developed, too, greater self awareness so that he understands how adhd & lds affect him and has figured out what he needs to do to help himself.

At college he has developed greater self confidence in being open about adhd which he never was before. So much so that in an application for a summer research position he wrote about how adhd affects him in a positive way. Counter to his parents thinking that he didn't need to disclose in other applications he sent off, the one offer he got was the one where he disclosed. So go figure!

I agree with all that jmb3 has said...I think the key is finding what they love and supporting and developing that interest or ability...the rest should follow.

[puzzled]

Jfla It is your son I think of whenever I start to stress out about Chase and college. In some ways he is a lot like your son, in others he differs.....I think you and I have talked about your son and how he excels at math, in that way Chase is similar, but Chase has always been open about his ADHD, at times I think TOO open about it, and he has already begun advocating for himself at school by asking for seating changes when nearby students are distracting for him and asking for permission to get extra time for completing his keyboarding lessons (for some reason that he cannot articulate to me, he cannot complete them in the allotted classtime).

He has developed a trusting relationship with his middle school principal and feels quite comfortable going to him with concerns, and the principal definately has his best interests in mind and always helps Chase in any way that he can.

I am concerned, however, about high school, I have heard horror stories about that principal from students, parents and teachers and I fear he will not be as supportive of Chase as the middle school principal is....but I guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it....

I am confident that if Chase knows that accommodations or services are available at his chosen college (and rest assured we will be making that a priority when looking at schools) he will not hesitate to take full advantage of them. But it has taken these past three years of me reminding him that HE is the one in the situation at school and HE is the one best able to ask for the help he needs, much better than me having to do it second hand.