Chase's awful morning

[puzzled]

This morning Chase broke down. He was crying and very upset over going to school. I kind of saw it coming, last night he did not understand his math homework very well, and also kept commenting that he did not understand why he had to know this stuff. He did not ask for help, he finished it on his own....then I heard him in his room until pretty late, not up and about, but not sleeping, so I know he was tired this morning. He has a math test today, and first thing he started campaigning to stay home...saying he was not going to do well on either of his tests, he was too tired, yada yada....

When I told him to just do his best, he said "That will probably be a B" I told him a B was fine, don't be so hard on himself, then he said if he gets a B, the other kids will taunt him all day over it. What? Apparently if he doesn't get the A's he normally gets, he gets teased about it. He was so upset, he said he wanted to change schools, but I said that changing schools may just change the names of the kids picking on him. He needs to change the way he deals with them, how he reacts to them. We don't have insurance for a child psych....and frankly, I don't know where I would fit it into my schedule.

My heart is breaking for him.

[puzzled]

I called the middle school and gave the principal the heads up....that I had basically sent him a ticking time bomb named Chase. I just didn't want him to feel like he could just stay home when things at school go badly. So, then I called back an hour or so later to find out how that went. I got the receptionist, and asked her if the principal was able to pull Chase in and talk him down a bit. She said it went well, and did I want to talk to Dave (the principal) and she put me through to him. He said that he had Chase come into the office and that they had a good talk, Chase told him the things that were bothering him-some kid squirted him with a spray bottle a couple days ago, and another kids keeps bringing it back up to tease about it. The principal knows him so well, he said "Chase lets every little thing affect him deeply, and I am sure that you know this better than anyone...." and he went on to say that Chase was his mirror image at the same age. So, they talked about their life experiences for the whole first period, about how Chase was worried about his math test (2nd period), and about how Chase got no sleep last night. Then, after Chase had calmed down and got into a better frame of mind, Dave sent him to the bathroom to slick down his hair (hopeless, he is growing it out and it is CRAZY thick and wildly sticking up at this point) because it is picture day today. Yippee. I bet that picture will be a keeper.

Anyhow, I made some phone calls about open enrollment at a neighboring school district high school. Chelsea is in and out of all of the schools as a prevention educator and she has bragged about this school for 2 years. She said that the teachers are out in the halls at class change time, aware of what is going on, aware of what the relationships between the students are as far as who is arguing with whom....it is a small school, and Chelsea says that the atmosphere is miles different from the school she attended and Chase is attending, where the teachers go around with their "heads up their ________"

So, Chelsea is going to pick up the open enrollment papers at the office the next time she is in the school (Monday) and I am going to fill them out for next year, for a couple of reasons. First, next year we get to deal with another principal, who by all reports is a real piece of work. Clueless and horrible. You don't want to know what Chelsea calls him and it is not printable on this site...LOL. Secondly, CG has had such a good experience with her son in a new school, it gives me hope that Chase will have a good experience too.

I mentioned switching Chase mid-year, and the receptionist said that may very well be possible, I should talk to the principal about that, so I am going to fill out the paperwork and get him all set for next year, and if things don't look up next quarter, we may see about switching him at semester break.

Do you think I am doing the right thing? I am at a loss.

[puzzled]

oops posted twice

[jj]

Oh, poor Chase. That must of been hard to send him off today with him so upset but you did the right thing. Your current principal sounds so wonderful.

I do think having him change schools next year is almost a given, considering what you have said about the principal he'll have next year. I think you are planning this as you should and waiting to see how it goes for the rest of the next quarter.

I absolutely think you are doing the right thing in all respects. You are preparing to pull him out of that school if need be. I think it stinks that parents have to go to these steps to ensure their kids get the help and understanding they need.

Hugs to you Puzzled. I'm so glad that the principal was able to talk to Chase and help him so he could get through the day.

[puzzled]

Now I am on a mission to find him a psychiatrist/therapist to help him to learn to deal with his anger issues and how to deal with the teasing. If we don't do that before he switches schools, I am afraid he will be in the same boat.

I need one that will use a sliding scale for income, I doubt my insurance covers anything and I cannot afford to pay too much for it. I will have to find a way to work it into my schedule somehow.

[charliegirl]

I think the principal should be talking to the kids who are bullying Chase and telling them they are on thin ice now so not to pull any more stunts.

I do think you are doing the right thing. Once a child gets a rep in school as a target with the bullies and someone the teachers have to go out of their way for, it can be a nightmare.

[bugsmom]

I swear we have the same kid, Puzzled! I can't tell you how many times Josh went through the same kind of thing before I brought him home to homeschool. Your principle sounds like our old one. Josh was had permission to leave any class, at any time to talk to him. When he left the school after his 6th grade year, I brought him home. I knew without his support, Josh would just be lost.

I think your doing the right things by switching schools. If Chase is going to have more support at the new school, GO FOR IT! It won't solve all his issues, but it can make a world of difference.

As for finding Chase a therapist, call your local community mental health office. They should be able to direct you to a local community children's mental health office. This is the type of clinic I work in. Our office works with families everyday that either don't have insurance, or their insurance doesn't cover mental health. Depending how big your county is, you should have something to chose from. I work with families everyday in your situation. We have a sliding scale for everyone. I don't know how it is in Ohio, but here in Michigan, if you are a community mental health office, you can't be turned away. I hope this helps. ((((((((Hugs))))))))

[puzzled]

Oct 16, 2009 21:52:28 GMT -5 charliegirl said:

I think the principal should be talking to the kids who are bullying Chase and telling them they are on thin ice now so not to pull any more stunts.

I do think you are doing the right thing. Once a child gets a rep in school as a target with the bullies and someone the teachers have to go out of their way for, it can be a nightmare.

Yes, Dave did say he was going to talk to those boys....the problem with that is that then the boys get mad that Chase told him.....

[puzzled]

Oct 17, 2009 9:03:08 GMT -5 bugsmom said:

I swear we have the same kid, Puzzled! I can't tell you how many times Josh went through the same kind of thing before I brought him home to homeschool. Your principle sounds like our old one. Josh was had permission to leave any class, at any time to talk to him. When he left the school after his 6th grade year, I brought him home. I knew without his support, Josh would just be lost.

I think your doing the right things by switching schools. If Chase is going to have more support at the new school, GO FOR IT! It won't solve all his issues, but it can make a world of difference.

As for finding Chase a therapist, call your local community mental health office. They should be able to direct you to a local community children's mental health office. This is the type of clinic I work in. Our office works with families everyday that either don't have insurance, or their insurance doesn't cover mental health. Depending how big your county is, you should have something to chose from. I work with families everyday in your situation. We have a sliding scale for everyone. I don't know how it is in Ohio, but here in Michigan, if you are a community mental health office, you can't be turned away. I hope this helps. ((((((((Hugs))))))))

I have thought of that, but Chelsea deals with that office a lot and she says that they are not too effective with children. That, and I think if I go to a bigger community, I can possibly get him into some social skills class with other children, plus he won't have to interact with those children outside of the therapy. Our town is so small, that none of that is available to us.

I have kind of looked up some places in Ft. Wayne on the internet that have sliding scales for payment and one of them it is only $60 an hour anyhow....I am going to call some of them on my break from school....I get those 6 weels or so between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and maybe we can get him a good start then.

I am thinking that once Chase goes to the high school, he could still go and visit the middle school principal (the one he gets along so well with), but I am so afraid that the high school would make it difficult for him to do it, even though the schools are all connected.

I am not telling him about the change, but I have started mentioning how great that Chelsea thinks the new school is, and how he could go to Colton's house ( a few blocks away) after school and visit him sometimes.

[puzzled]

I was thinking I would get Chase enrolled in one of those computer schools that work at his own pace, I bet he could excel at that but Jon doesn't want anything to do with that, wants him to go to regular school and learn to get along, and I don't want him to turn into more of a loner than he already is, so I think that the new high school is our best bet for now.