Post by Tigger on Feb 7, 2010 16:49:15 GMT -5
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!
An elderly Aylsham lady called 999 on her mobile phone to report that her car has been broken into.... She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said,
'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.' A few minutes later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!
________________________________________________________________________
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down? The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood...' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as
I see who's at the door.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!
________________________________________________________________________
'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf at Cromer one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer..'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!
_______________________________________________________________________
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex...' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment
or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!
____________________________________________________________________
Now this one is just too Precious...LOL!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play bridge.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought And thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is..
Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!
_______________________________________________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the M11, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'David, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M11. Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said David, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
An elderly Aylsham lady called 999 on her mobile phone to report that her car has been broken into.... She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said,
'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.' A few minutes later, the officer radios in 'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!
________________________________________________________________________
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?' The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know. I'll come up and see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down? The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood...' She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as
I see who's at the door.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!
________________________________________________________________________
'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf at Cromer one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer..'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!
_______________________________________________________________________
A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex...' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.. Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.' He sat silently for a moment
or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!
____________________________________________________________________
Now this one is just too Precious...LOL!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play bridge.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought And thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is..
Her friend glared at her for at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!
_______________________________________________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the M11, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'David, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the M11. Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said David, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
Those are Super-Funny 