Not a Bad Parent

[katiekat]

I am not a bad parent...and I am getting tired of being made to look like one. School is very important to me and I am VERY on top of everything that goes on at/for school. However if I don't notes home I have no idea what's going on. Sean is constantly forgetting to bring things home or losing them and then I look like the neglectful parent. Couple this with the lies he told at school over the winter(the boots and the book fair stories) and we must look like the crapiest parents ever. This week alone (and it is only Tuesday) there have been several phone calls from school. First this whole issue with him playing an instrument that I knew nothing about because I never got the form. Some very rude band director lady calls me and talks to me like Im some horrible parent. Then yesterday Sean calls b/c he didnt have his permission form to attend a pizza party. I filled it out and put it in his folder-he lost it. So I had to go up there and fill out another one. Then he never handed in the check for after school child care so I get a call about non-payment-I found the envelope still in his homework folder. Then today was game day-never got the permission form for this either and knew nothing about it. Sean was supposed to wear a black shirt today b/c he is on the black team. Again I knew nothing about this so he didn't. Another call about this. I said my verbal consent will have to be enough b/c Im not coming up there again. Also one of the moms of a girl in Sean's class made a scrapbook for the teacher. APPARENTLY she sent home a page with each kid and instructions on how to decorate. OF COURSE I never got this either. Sean forgets what he did with it so he does not have a page in the scrapbook-its too late now it's already done and I cannot expect people who dont know Sean to track him down and follow up with things like this. We ask Sean all the time what he did in school, what he's going to be doing in school etc. We get the same 3 answers every day I dont know, I forget, and I don't remember. It's not for lack of trying that we have no idea what is going on. I think at this point the school should stop calling me about these things and realize that if I didn't return something it's because I never got and not because Im some crappy parent who's not involved in my kid's life. Again...the natural consequences should just be allowed to play out. Sometimes I want to yell "Look! Look at my other kid-this stuff does not happen with him-it is beyond my control. I am not a bad parent!!!" Geez, I put WAY WAY more time into Sean than Joseph. I am sorry if this sounds selfish but I am angry. I do the best I can with him but somehow always manage to look like a fool. He has to take responsibility at some point.

[bugsmom]

First of all KK, you have EVERY right to be angry. So, don't feel bad about how you feel...you've earned that right long ago. Second, we all know what a wonderful parent you've been to Sean. My heart aches for you that you feel this way. I'm sure the people that really KNOW Sean, really know what's up. But I sympathize with you because I'm sure the others who don't can be nasty.

I was just sitting here trying to figure out where Sean puts all this stuff. If its in his backpack at school, it should make it home. I'm sure you check it multiple times a day. Is he leaving everything in his desk. I don't know...I wish I had something to suggest, but I know you've tried everything.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It has to be beyond frustrating.

[misty]

Shouldn't the school year be over? I'm surprised your kids are still in school. Anyway, at least you'll get a break from THAT problem soon. I would think that by now, like you said, they should realize its not you, it's Sean. I bet Bugs nailed it & everything is in his desk. I remember when Shannon was in 2nd or 3rd grade, she was always missing homework & there it always was, in her desk. The teacher came up with a solution...she dumped Shannon's desk & made her go through each item throwing away garbage & handing in old assignments. After this was done 2 or 3 times, Shannon stopped forgetting to turn stuff in. Having her desk dumped in front of her friends was just too embarrassing.

[katiekat]

School isn't over yet-Friday is his last day. One week off then summer school starts so really no break from this drama.
The teacher told me she has dumped his desk several times actually-Im pretty sure he was not embarrassed though.

[charliegirl]

I have a big problem with desk dumping. Humiliating a child, especially one with an ld is a sign of a bad teacher.

Can you have it put in his IEP that the teacher or an aid makes sure anything such as forms get put in a special folder in his book bag? You would get them as long as they made sure he had his bag when he leaves school. You could use the same folder to send things to school.

Someone is not doing much to make sure Sean goes home prepared. That can't be construed as bad parenting because you shouldn't have to go to school and collect everything every day. You are sending things such as the check with him. Someone could be asking him for it and/or checking his bag at school.

You are a wonderful mom, KK! I'm worn out just reading about all you do for him.

[jj]

Not a fan of desk dumping either, btw. I'm in agreement with Charliegirl, the school needs to make sure you are getting everything that needs to be signed. Don't they have this kind of stuff up on a web site or something that you can check? Sean isn't going to remember, that we know. So this can't go on as it has been and as CG said, it needs to be written in his IEP.

You shouldn't have to feel like you are a bad parent. I don't think anyone does feel that way but I know, if I were in your shoes I'd be feeling just as you are.