Blatant Defiance

[katiekat]

A new one around here. Dont know what to do. Sean is just outright refusing or completely ignoring much of what we tell him to do or not to do. Some of these things are minor however some are quite dangerous. When I tell him to do his homework he refuses. When I tell him to get a shower or brush his teeth, or clean up his room, or put his bike and stuff away and come in he just flat out doesnt do it. Same behavior with my husband and his mother has mentioned as well. I cant be right there every minute following around and I am trusting that he is doing these things. Half an hour later...not done. Some of the dangerous things he has recently done: While everyone was sleeping at his mothers he got up and used the gas stove to "cook." He had asked her the day before if he could and she said absolutely not...so he did it at 6am. He was outside playing-I told him to be in at 6:30 because it is dark after then. He disappeared I could not find him...he came in at 7:15. He asked if he could knock on peoples doors and ask if he could rake their leaves-he was alone. He was told NO WAY and he was told why-its not safe someone could grab you and pull you in their house. Later he had money on him. Guess what-he did it anyway! I am irate because this is becoming an all day every day thing. Any suggestions?

[charliegirl]

Has any discipline measure you used in the past worked? I'd use that or something similar that will get his attention.

My son went through that and it seemed like forever before he got over it. He still will agree to do something like pick up his room or take dirty dishes to the kitchen and rinse them and then "forget". He has passed the stage where his defiance is dangerous though.

Isn't Sean at the age where he could be hitting puberty? That may have something to do with it.

As far as earning money, could you give him ways he can earn money at home for doing things like raking the lawn? Maybe you can give him an allowance he has to earn by doing his chores.

HUGS!

[katiekat]

As far as puberty I'd say no. He just turned 10 this month and is physically very "young" for lack of a better word. Probably more the size of an average 6 or 7 year old-absolutely no signs of approaching that stage.
We used to let him do chores around the house for money but he would never do them and argue when we reminded him. Plus if he has a dollar in his hand he will harass us day and night to take him to spend it. We had to cut that off a while ago.
I have to tell you the only thing that works with him is threat of punishment, which is sad. Like this week he lost his 3RD jacket. I told him every day to check lost and found, the lunchroom etc and every day he came home without it. So this morning I said if you dont bring the jacket home today you are not going outside and you will not go out again until it is in this house. The jacket came home today. It never gets easier.

[jj]

Poor KK.
The only thing I can think of when it comes to dangerous things is to let him know that he will get severe punishment if he goes against your wishes. I don't know, maybe make a 1-5 rate scale that he is really clear about. If he understands the punishment scale and you say no to something and tell him this is a FIVE maybe he'll get how serious it is. I don't know KK, my ideas are pretty lame.

Oh there is nothing that gets me more riled when a kid purposely doesn't do what I say or just says no to my face. Grrrrr. That is when spanking tools sound pretty tempting. lol

[jill]

Sounds like he may have some ODD. Nette has ODD by the way. As for the homework issue do they have detention for not doing homework in school? If so let him have some natural consequences at the same time if homework is not being done privileges go with it. It is not easy but I had to tough it out many of times. Now I tell her no homework no Tae Kwon Do or dance and that bothers her to the point she gets it done. Use something he really likes.