no friends

[misty]

We moved from a different location in January, 2007. This thread was transferred from there and has a different format than the ones which are created on this site.

sweetnsilly............ Thread Started on Dec 13, 2006, 2:53pm

I think my daughter is not doing well in school because last night I asked her why was she so down and she said because I have no friends and I asked her what happened to tiffany and she said a new girl came and now tiffany won't be her friend and she has talked about other friends and I was thinking she just wanted me to feel sorry for her and I asked then what do you do on the playground and she said stand there and watch everyone play.....My heart broke at that very moment....what do you do or say to your child when they have no friends and no one to play with????I always had friends and I don't know how it would feel but I'm sure pretty bad.....I don't know what to do, this is hurting her.


notellin

Poor thing. At least she told you. I don't know how old she is, but could you get her involved in some activity? Like blue birds, or brownies, or girl scouts? Dance classes seem to be good for socializing. In my town, they have a theater group. There's always the traveling soccer teams and gymnastics teams that go year round ...although not too fun from a parent's standpoint, the kids seem to love them.


lostmyshoe

I'm with Notellin sweet. I'd maybe try to get her involved in something. I started out with Girlscouts and Becca got to meet people and get better at socializing. I went through the same thing on the playground with Becca when she was younger but she did eventually make some friends and as she gets older her social skills are improving and she's getting to know more people. I always gave her encouragement and lots of tips on making friends. There is even a book put out by American Girl about making friends that I had bought for Becca. Sometimes it takes a little time but she will make some friends. Just continue to support her and help her to have a positive image of herself. It's good that she has an open line of communication with you so you know what is going on and can be there for her.


jj

Sweet,
How about having a sleep-over or something and she could invite the old friend as well as that old friends new friend or maybe some totally different kids that she likes. But I would invite one extra person in case those two just stick together and still ignore her.

Or if you don't want to do the sleep-over just invite them for pizza and maybe do something fun. It may work that they start to include her or it may back fire. I don't know but it may be worth a shot.

I do think at that age they like one friend one week and the next they don't so the tables may turn.


unicorn-tiff'smom

Sweet I am sorry for your daughter. And with girls it is worse, they become as JJ said, one friend this week and the next they don't like them. In Tiff's school there are girls who are only "friends" with whomever is in their class that year. So if you aren't in the class they won't hang out with you anymore. I think that is just mean.

Outside the school activities are good. Tiff has made some friends from Rec sports that don't go to her school. There isn't that clicky pressure there.

I hope that she can get up the confidence to become friends with another girl her age.

Hugs to her and you.

[misty]

misty

Uni is right...Its sad, but girls can be so MEAN! My daughter was in a private school from preschool through 4th grade. 2 girls who were 2 of her BEST friends all those years also left for the same public school, the same year Shannon did. All 3 girls were placed in different classes & sadly, none of them talk to each other anymore. Shannon tried & tried with the one girl, but she was actually MEAN to Shannon!

Anyway, I encouraged Shannon to invite a girl from her class over & they started playing together frequently & are now close. But it took time. Scouts, music lessons, dance class...anywhere where your child can join some group you think she'll enjoy may help. She'll meet kids outside of her class that she can have something in common with.


Charlie Girl

Everyone has given great advice. I would try to find something that she excels at. It may take a while and a few tries but once you find it, she will enjoy it and other kids involved will see and respect her for that.

When you are good at something but don't have a superior attitude about it, it draws people who have the same interests to you.



crazyhouse

Oh Sweet I have a simular problem Jake is 5, a boy and he is having problems socialising with the kids in our kindergarten. Unfortunately Jake is the minority of the bus stop we live in a nieghborhood that has a large population of latin children. It's ok when we wait for the bus to run and play but when it's time to sit in a seat on the bus, none of the children want to sit with him because he does not speak spanish. This makes me want to cry. He was sitting with a child in an assigned seat until I saw that child egg my child into a fist fight because he wanted to sit by himself. (the other child did start it) My son in that situation was moved out of that seat and to the front of the bus. The nurse at school greets the kids everyday and he said to her nobody likes me I have no friends. I have been watching this happen over the past few weeks and have not said anything. The nurse said he is so sweet and polite well mannered, I don't understand why he wouldn't have friends on the bus? This breaks my heart. I bounced from different schools as a child so naturally I was the quiet, shy, new girl, that not to many people wanted to be around. I can tell you I was in brownies, basketball, babysitting classes, arobics and other fun stuff. It still hurt to go to school and not have friends there. My suggestion would be try to find an extra curricular activity inside the school, so she can interact with school children and build the bonds she needs to get through the day with a smile. If anyone has any ideas about my 5 year old boy I would love to hear them.


farrah

I have been down this road before. Cheryl my oldest really never had any friends all through elem. school. The last two years of school 5 & 6th grade were awful. I thought she would have to repeat school.

but then in 7th grade she started a new schooland she has two best friends and she is getting all A & B's .

because of cheryl's adhd, one of her teachers ostricized her and made all the kids and parents in her class know that Cherylhas problems. This started in 2nd grade, so I know all too well what your dealing with.


sweetnsilly

I had her in dance last year and she loved dance but did not want to be in it this year because she said the girls were mean and snooty.....She is in cheerleading the past 2 years and this year it didn't make a difference she only has her cousins and she never gets to go anywhere, My ffriends don't have kids and I have never gotten to know the kids parents. Wonder how many moms would let thier 8yr old daughter come to a slumber party at my house even though they don't know me? I wouldn't let mine. I am going to take her to buy her friend tiffany a christmas present (best friends neclace) and I am going to tell cortni to give it to her and tell Tiffany how much her friendship means to her.

Oh tiffany decided to be her friend again yesterday and cortni was happier.



notellin

I would let my son go to a slumber party at a school mate's house without having met the parents. But I would ask my son what the child was like, and I would call in response to the invitation and chat with the parent for a bit.

Give it a try!

[misty]

crazyhouse

Unfortunately Jake is so impulsive that I cant trust him to be alone with other children (even my 10 mth old) he is unknowingly destructive, he almost got hit by a car in the street because one child said go get the ball while a car was driving down our street. he was 4 inches from kissing the bumper!! He has been hit by a car in a Jewel parking lot the guy was driving to fast and luckily, I did not scream for him to move, other wise he would have gone towards the car and been injured. basicly he got pushed on to butt. He plays to ruff unintentionally with his brother and has uncontrolable urges to push or hit people when they are invading his personal space. These qaulities make for a challenging social life. The list could go on for hours, but I need to go to bed. I hope for more nifty ideas.



misty

What about putting him in karate classes, Crazyhouse? I've heard alot of ADHD kids thrive there. They can get some energy out & it teaches discipline. Most boys Jakes age really enjoy it too. If nothing else, it might help him become more aware of his surroundings & pay more attention to what his body is doing.



bugsmom

Crazyhouse...Misty's suggestion of karate is a very good one. My son has severe ADHHHHHD. When he was 4 we put in karate class. He loved it. They taught him discipline, control, and he made some good friends as they moved up in karate together. He stayed with it until he was about 6 and then decided to try something else. But he really learned more than karate and he was very fit too! You might want to try it for your little one, there was 4 other ADDers in my sons class. Just make sure the instructor knows the situation, mine were willing to help Josh in any way.

Notellin...your sons remark on his paper brought tears to my eyes! It just breaks my heart for these little ones. Why do children have to be so mean? Hugs to you and your little guy!

Sweets...I think you got a lot of great advice here and I really can't add more. I do think that girls are much meaner than boys at this age. Mine could just brush things off, but girls are much more sensitive. My thoughts are with you and Cortni...let us know how Tiffany likes her gift. I hope she is kind to your daughter. Hang in there!!!



crazyhouse

I have a question about Karate. If my son is really clutsy REALLY CLUTSY. Is that a good spot to put him. He has the same problem as me That table could have been there my whole life and I still can rack my toe on it a hundred times over, fall on a flat baran piece of land, fall out of the shower into the car up the stairs. The more actions that Jake or I are trying to do all at once the more we seem to hurt. I'm sure it sounds silly but all I can say is I am close to being the biggest cluts on the planet and my wonderful little boy is right up there with me It's almost like it is hereditary. If you are laughing about this don't worry I am too! I am one hundred percent positive that he will be on the floor hurt within the first 2 weeks I hate to be so negative but after watching him go down like a lead ballon for no good reason over and over and over again, you start to develop doubts. My child and I lack coordination for everything! Is Karate something that requires coordination



Charlie Girl

My nephew was the biggest clutz I have ever known and he started karate at 21. Believe it or not, it helped him immensely.

Karate forces you to be aware of your body and of the space around you. You learn to really concentrate and focus and to have more physical coordination than you can imagine.

A friend of my nephew's got him into it and the two of them worked with my son a bit. They couldn't really teach him karate as they weren't qualified but they did help him with basic moves and now, the furniture doesn't jump out and kick him [image] , the floor doesn't sneak up and trip him [image] , he can walk through a room without smacking into things.

My opinion from what I have seen is that karate would be great for your son. If I had a way to get my son to lessons, he would be taking them. Unfortunately its too far away for us to drive several times a week.


crazyhouse

Thanks it sounds like something to look into. We thought about trying soccer in the spring to release some of the energy that he has an overwhelming amount of (and wont share) I know we need to get him into something constructive soon. My house is going to be rubble at the rate he is moving.