Caught in an ADHD whirlwind

[macksm0m]

I am the mother of a 6-1/2 yo girl with ADHD. She was diagnosed the summer before starting Kindergarten and is now in 1st grade. She is currently not on any meds or receiving any professional help and is struggling immensely. Academically, she is doing very well - when she finishes her work/tests - never a sign of any LD. Her behavior in the classroom is beginning to overshadow her intelligence. She is disruptive throughout most the day, talks too much, can't stay focused on her work, and forgets her books and homework or writes it down wrong.

I know she needs help in school, but I just don't know where to begin. I have a conference this afternoon with her teacher. I have been trying to do as much research as I can, but I still feel so lost. The school and her teacher knows she's ADHD, but I don't feel that they're really doing anything to help her.

She's being treated the same as every other child - which in some ways is OK - but she's also being punished for things that she has no control over. For example, Monday is their Halloween party. My daughter told me last Thursday that she doesn't get to go, I asked her why and she said because she doesn't have any stamps on her pumpkin, I asked her how do you get a stamp and she said you have to keep all your cubes all day, I asked her how many stamps she has to have, and she said 5. *On a side note, simply put, when she was in Kindergarten we were told she's just not going to stay on green, not going to happen; 1st grade she's just not going to keep all of her cubes.* I was supposed to meet with her teacher on Friday and was hoping to discuss this, but my daughter came down with strep throat and the earliest the teacher could meet with me this week is this afternoon. I got a note from the teacher on Monday about the pumpkins and the stamps and she said she feels that my daughter wasn't going to be able to get the stamps and therefore would not be able to participate in the party. I told her the 5 stamps is an unattainable goal - especially since now she had only 4 days to get 5. I found out yesterday from my daughter that not only is she not going to get to participate, but that the party is in the classroom and she has to sit at her desk and watch! Now, I'm furious! I don't want to lash out at the teacher, I just want what's fair and right for my daughter.

Where o' where to start??

[misty]

Hi. Welcome to the group! I would be furious too...no way is it fair to have her sit there & watch a party that she cannot attend. Especially when its her ADHD interfering. I mean its not like she was willfully misbehaving. I'd keep her home that day & carve pumpkins or something fun like that.

When you have your teacher meeting, I would express an interest in getting an IEP or at least a 504 in place for your daughter. You can help put goals in place that will ensure success instead of ensuring failure, which is what these cubes seem to be doing. Don't let them insist on meds. If you are not comfortable medicating, the school cannot force you, but they should work with you on behavioral issues. She's going to start hating school if she's always missing the fun stuff over things she can't control & that will make things even worse.

[aimee8305]

Hello and welcome!!! I also have a 6 yr but a boy. I did decide to medicate only because of exactly what you described. He could not focus let alone sit still. He incessently (sp?) talked but could not control it. He was constantly getting reprimanded for things beyond his control since pre-k.

I decided to hold him back in kindergarten again this year because I didnt feel he "got it" last year.

Definitely talk to the teacher and express your concerns. Some teachers dont know that much about ADHD. Definitely discuss initiating an IEP or 504 like Misty said. I have one in place for my son and I meet with his counselor, occupational therapist, his teacher and school psych every 6-8 weeks to see if we need to implement new things for him. And he thrives!!!!!


Now he does still "get in trouble" but he still collects marbles like all the other kids but differently from the other kids. (They collect marbles each week to get a prize on Fridays).

Hope this helps and Good Luck!!!

[charliegirl]

Welcome to our family! All of us here have dealt with the issues you're facing now.

You can succeed in getting your daughter's needs met but it can be a struggle. Your first step should be to send a letter, return receipt requested, to the school. Explain that your daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD and ask that they do a psycho-educational evaluation as you believe she needs an IEP. By law, they can't refuse.

Once the evaluation is done, you will have a better understanding of what needs to be addressed in an IEP. If you have questions or they tell you she doesn't need one we can hook you up with someone who can look at it and help you understand it.

It would be a good idea to do an internet search for "special ed advocates in (your area)". Many times you can get one who will either help you for free or base their fees on what you can afford. They know the ropes and how your school deals with the IEP situation. They know the laws which apply and can help you ensure you get the proper things addressed.

Is there anyone at the school you feel understands your child's issues and would be willing to try to convince the teacher she should attend the party? An IEP or a 504 could guarantee she won't be kept out of the fun activities for problems caused by her ADHD.

You child doesn't need to be failing to get an IEP. She just needs a disability that is not allowing her to get an appropriate education per IDEA.

Good luck! My blood is boiling with yours. I agree with Misty. Keep her out of school for the day and do something special with her so she won't have to sit and watch the other kids party. That is so cruel!

[bugsmom]

Welcome Macksmom! I'm so glad you found us. Like CG said, many of us have already been through what you are just starting. It can be very daunting, but remember, you are your childs best and biggest advocate! We are always here to help and comfort you along the way.

I agree with everything CG and Misty have said. I would also keep your daughter home if she is not going to be able to participate. I got such a pit in my stomache when I read that...been there so many times when my son was young. I think that is so cruel.

Being that your daughter is academacally on track, I think it will be much harder for you to get an IEP. Not to say you can't get it, I just think you'll have to fight for it. On the other hand, obtaining a 504 should be much easier with the dx she already has. Whatever you do, make sure that it includes that your daughter is NOT to miss parties, field trips, or even have her recess taken away. You and the teacher can come up with different ideas on how to go about disipline. Always remember that with our children, positive reinforcement works the BEST, not negitive consequences.

Reading your post took me back in a flash as to son's first years in school. My heart goes out to you because I've been you. Your heart aches for your child. But, please remember, it does get better. Hugs to you!!!

[macksm0m]

Thank you all for the warm welcome, support and information. Overall, I think the conference went pretty good yesterday. Her teacher has actually never had an ADHD child (not on meds) or any other type of special needs so she doesn't have any experience with how to handle it. I do give her kudos for having extreme patience with my daughter though, she did say she doesn't take her cubes away until she's had to repeat herself many times, unlike the other children.

She is going to request a Child Study and I should hear from the guidance counselor sometime next week. Each person on the board will spend time observing or talking with my daughter and then we will all sit down and go over the findings and come up with the best assistance for her - I'm assuming this is where the IEP or 504 will come into play. Our hope is that she will be able to get an aide that can spend time one-on-one with her in the mornings to help her get her work done. If this happens and it works then her teacher would actually like to start giving her some more advanced work to challenge her, but I understand challenging her when she can't get her work done now isn't going to do any good.

I did express my concern that weekly rewards are a stretch for her and that I felt she didn't have anything to really look forward to - so why bother trying, right?!? She is going to switch her from the cubes to a tally system with daily rewards in the beginning and if it works and she does better it will later stretch out to weekly rewards. I think/hope this will work better for her - if not we'll try something else.

As far as the party the teach spoke with the Asst. Principal and they agreed she could participate for the 1st 1/2 or so - getting snack and participating in the first few activities, but after that she's going to go to the library and read. I feel somewhat better about this and I did talk to my daughter about it and she seems OK with it too. *Reading isn't her strongest point - she's capable, but doesn't have the patience - but she is beginning to enjoy it more*

It's a relief to know she has an understanding teacher who genuinely cares, wants her to succeed and can see the potential that she has. I feel we are now on our way to the right path!

[jj]

Hi macksmom,
Welcome to our group!
I'm glad you are happy with how the meeting went.

I don't really have anything helpful to add but did want to just say hi.

[jill]

Welcome Macksmom. As for qualifying for an IEP your child would qualify my daughter is doing well in school academically always has and does have an IEP. On her IEP it is listed as Other Health Impaired.

As for your child not being able to participate I would call the school and complain you are your child's best advocate. I think the others covered the rest. I remember when my girl was 6 that is when I met the others from this board now she will be 12 soon.