I am at the end of my rope...

[misty]

katiekat..............Thread Started on Sept 26, 2006, 3:17pm


with Sean's behavior at school. I am so discouraged and at a loss I could cry. He has only been in school 13 days and has already been in more trouble then my older son who has been in school for 6 years.(he's actually never been in trouble) He has been punished for the last 3 school days and obviously thats not working. I dont know what else to do. Each day when I pick him up I wait to hear those words "I need to talk to you" from the teacher and sure enough they always come. He is just not behaving at all. Hitting,running,jumping off things,interrupting, not following directions and my personal favorite telling the teacher on other kids whom he feels are not behaving. She wanted to have a quick meeting with me today after school but after the day he had today she feels we need more then that. She wants us both (h& I) to be there and also the director of special ed. She said she has many concerns and there are alot of issues and on and on. I know she is right I just dont see how this kid is ever going to make it. I know Im babbling on but I just dont know what do do any more.



annem

katiekat BIG HUGS !! ...

Now forgive me for going over the background information .. butis your son on any meds? I am not saying he should or shouldn't be by the way .... am just wondering since this could affect the way forward ...

Oh and I sympathise soooo much about the teachers wanting to talk to you ... I remember those days soooo well myself !! AAAAGH!!




katiekat

Thanks Anne, [image] . He is not on any meds. We had recently just decided that meds would be the way we need to go. However because of a recent discovery of a heart condition we are very concerned about medication now. I have read warnings about ADHD meds and existing heart conditions so it kinda scares me.

[misty]

misty

Oh, Katie! Big from me too!

I don't blame you for being scared to put him on meds with him having pre existing heart problems. I'd be scared too. If you DO decide to try meds, I'm sure you'll have him carefully mionitored.

What have you tried so far to get his behavior in check? Any reward systems, charts, etc? He's at an age to be responsive to them.

Come to the chat tonight...hopefully we can talk it through & get some good ideas going for you.


unicorn-tiff'smom

I am also curious if there are any rewards systems in place too.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I am sorry for him too. Big hugs.

Hopefully in a meeting with the special ed teacher you will be able to come up with some things to help with all the issues he is having in school so he can succeed. If it is a good school with a great support staff they should be able to help.


katiekat

I do have a reward system set up and it works pretty well for things at home like staying in bed,getting ready for school etc... however it has no affect on school behavior whatsoever. He earned a sticker the first 3 days but that was it. He is now comfortable there so he is acting up. My husband an I talked about it and for now we are going to take away his Saturday "fun time" with Grandmom and Grandpop. They usually take him to McDonalds or a movie. He can still go to church with them on Sunday but if theres problems at school that week no Saturday treat.LOL Like Dr Phil says take away what they value the most. Grandpa has also talked with him about his behavior in school last week so he stands behind this deal. [image]

I will definitely try to come to the chat tonight but I may be a little late. Thanks for all the shoulders!



misty

I can't help but think that taking away his time with his grandparents might not work. I also think time with grandparents is extremely important.

I don't know...in my eyes weekends are for stress relief & I can't help but think he might be acting out in school because hes stressed there. The expectations are different in school & hes young. Its all new to him. Maybe hes acting out because he doesn't feel as smart as his classmates or able to keep up as well. I remember you talking about his problems with letters & numbers. Perhaps he could be acting out to deflect the class from seeing that he has those problems, or because he feels ashamed of them. I'd get him tested for learning disabilities if you haven't yet. Anyway, after a hard week at school, if you take away his weekend fun, its almost not fair. Alot of kids just give up once they figure they have nothing else to lose. They figure why even try. In the end, its your decision, of course & you know him better than anyone...just something to think about.

I know with my daughter the effects have to be immediate. If I tell her shes going to lose some fun thing 4 days away, she could care less. It doesn't impact her behavior of the moment at all. But if I tell her she's losing something thats coming up that same day, it makes more of an impact. Maybe the teacher could have him miss story time if he acts up or something siimilar. Something that would make an immediate impact.

Also, I find that positive reinforcement gets my child to listen (or at least try harder to listen) than negative. She responds better to

"if you sit down quietly & do your math for 10 minutes you may join the class at recess"

than she does to

"If you dont sit down & do your math, you are going to have to miss recess".

Funny...its the SAME thing but worded positively gets such better results!

Well, I talked your ear off. I'll stop for now. Hope that helped abit.

[misty]

katiekat

I don't think we will use the grandparent punishment for a long term solution but for this weekend we already told him that is his punishment so Im going to have to stick to it. It gives me a break as well so it's kind of a punishment for me also to not let him go. My mother in law sort of contributes to problems as she is in complete denial about his behavior and other problems. She always thinks the teacher is just picking on Sean. Well he has been kicked out of 2 pre schools and doing the same things in K so it cant be ALL the teachers. We are very realistic about Seans issues and want to be proactive but she thinks I "want" something to be wrong with him. I wish he could just go to school and have an easy time of it but unfortunetly its not going t

o be so easy.
Today must of been ok because the teacher did not need to talk to me so im not so stressed. I will feel much better once we meet with the director of special ed and we have a gameplan to help Sean succeed.


jj

KatieKat,
How long before you have that meeting? I hope you don't have to wait too long. But then they do have to see him in action to know what he needs and that does take a bit of time.

I'm so glad you had one day without the teacher pulling you aside.


katiekat

JJ, Not sure how long it will be. The teacher told me she has already spoken to the Spec. ed. Director and that he should be calling us to set something up. She seems eager to get this done so I guess thats a good sign.



leigh

I only just now saw this topic. Katiekat.......BIG HUGS SENT YOUR WAY! I imagine a behavior issue at school can cause you some very stressful moments when you're picking Sean up at school and waiting for the teacher to say something. Wishing you much luck at the upcoming meeting. As far as the meds go, do look very carefully into it given the heart issue. I'd probably get a couple of doctor's opinions before doing anything. I'm sure this is a complication doctors have worked through many times before when considering meds. More hugs.

[misty]

katiekat

another bad day. [image] . More of the same and extra bonus trouble for grabbing other kids things from them at show and tell time. I'm not waiting anymore for them to call me, Im calling tomorrow. I want to at least feel like somethings being done to begin to make things better for all parties involved(like me LOL). You know the thing that bothers me most is that Sean just doesnt seem to care, he thinks its no big deal and sometimes he even seems to think it's funny.
He also brought home a permission slip to go pumpkin picking and I am a little concerned because even I have a hard time controlling him when were out. Good news for me...in just 10 days I'll be in the Bahamas at a "no kids allowed resort."!!!



Charlie Girl

Have you considered taking him out of kindergarten and waiting to give him another year or so to mature? Often with ADHD kids, it helps them to be one of the oldest in the class as they tend to be less mature than their peers. It evens out the playing field a little more.

I also would consider having him tested to make sure that ADHD is all you are dealing with. If there is something more, it will benefit him to find out as early as possible. If it is only ADHD with an emphasis on the hyper, it will relieve your minds to know that.

Does he have an IEP? Something else to consider would be having behavior modification put right in the IEP.

That will ensure that the school works with him and doesn't just blame parenting in the future. They are good about offering to help a little one settle in, but once he is in 2nd or 3rd grade, then it becomes less and less likely that they will volunteer to work with him on it. Also, if you move, its in the IEP so they have to take that into consideration when they make the new one.

He sounds like the type of kid that even as he is driving you nuts, you just want to scoop him up and hug him to pieces!


misty

Barb has a good point about ADDers being better of being one of the older ones in the class. My daughter was the youngest in her Kindergarten class. After alot of deliberation we decided to hold her back. Her maturity was so far behind her classmates. The next year was MUCH better. She had the same teacher & was mafe "Special helper" to boost her self esteem. Shev was one of the oldest that 2nd year, but still within the age range. That one extra year made a WORLD of difference!

[misty]

katiekat

He already is one of the oldest in his class. He will be 6 in a couple days. He missed the cut off by 5 days. So....
As for the IEP that is what I want. I know that from working in special ed. getting what your child needs is a battle so that is why I started this in the summer before school even started. I told them (director and psychologist) that I wanted a plan in action before he started because I knew this was going to happen. But they thought it best to wait and see. I knew otherwise. Now he is having all these negative experiences and thats exactly what I didnt want. I wanted to set him up for success not failure.



Charlie Girl

The positive in all this is that with waiting this long to get him an IEP, they can't deny the need. Its very obvious that he needs help.

unicorn-tiff'smom

I am sorry that he had another bad day yesterday. Barb is right that now they will have to address his needs, once you again request an IEP. Hugs to you.