Manners

[misty]

INaBOX............... Thread Started on Aug 22, 2006, 12:30am


My son has the habit of talking with his mouth full of food. He never used to do this and in fact, I've noticed it since we've moved into our new place. We now have a kitchen table to sit at LOL.. anyhow, his teachers (daycare) use to say how well mannered he was at the lunch table in comparison to the other kids. Lately? all out the window.

Sound familiar? How do you get your child to STOP TALKING during dinner time? lol


misty

Hmmm.....this is a good topic!

we talk at the dinner table, in fact I encourage it. I do try & deter Shannon from talking with her mouth ful & smacking her lips. UGH! I can't stand sloppy eating noises. I guess I just keep reminding her. Shes 12 now & getting better with time so I suppose its working.

Funny, other people always tell me how well mannered my child is too! LOL! I'm usually thinking inside "HUH? Are you sure you are talking about MY kid"! But I don't say that aloud


INaBOX

Well I'd like to encourage talking at the dinner table because that's a great time to bond as a family .. however, he's doing all the talking with or without food in his mouth. I really shouldn't be telling him not to speak at all (which I've done) but my reminders are not working.



misty

I dont know what else to suggest. I'd love to hear what others have done to cure this problem though!

I just remind over & over & over & over. It took YEARS, but its way better than it used to be. Now when she starts talking with a mouthful, I just shoot her "that look" and she knows to stop, chew & swallow, and THEN talk.


annem

Hmmm ... this is interesting ... My 18 year old always does and always has eaten everything tooooo quickly!! It is very disconcerting having a meal with him because he has finished it in record-fast time ... always has and still does !!

However (and I know I am digressing here a little!) one thing that he has always done at the dinner table and still does to this day is hold his knife and fork the OPPOSITE way around .... in other words although he is RIGHT HANDED in ALL other respects, he holds his knife in his left hand and his fork in his right !! [image] I just don't "understand" that !! ... He says it feels much more natural that way around ... [image] you are right handed!! I would understand if you were left handed!!


Charlie Girl

One thing that helped my son get the message is to not understand a word he says if he is trying to talk with something in his mouth. If he really wants you to understand him, he'll stop.

Try refusing to understand a word he is saying until he swallows and then says it. If that doesn't work, you can always turn a little sideways and tell him he is so disgusting to watch that you would prefer to not have to look at him.

You could also refuse to allow him to have a friend over to eat until he learns to not talk with his mouth full. Tell him you are not going to be embarassed by the way he eats in his own home.

I've used all of those and not understanding him was the most effective for me.

Something I used on my daughter that worked was to stuff my mouth full and look her in the eye and talk, making sure I opened wide so she got a good view. [image] She didn't want to look like that so she was more concientious about how she ate.

[misty]

INaBOX

I've told him before that I can't understand his words because he's talking with his mouth full of food but after reading your post, I think I'll elaborate on that and see what happens. Good idea!


misty


Be careful with that trick...it doesn't work on ALL kids! I tried it with my daughter & she just laughed & laughed & then for the next few weeks everytime I looked in her direction at the dinner table she'd open HER mouth wide at ME & laugh some more! I think she was around 8 or 9 at the time.\



INaBOX

I actually thought it was funny too. It wouldn't work with my son though. He would take it too far with that. I would just bet he'd end up spitting food at me for an extended laugh. Then I would only have myself to blame. LOL

jj

How about sort of making it a game to start with. Like he gets to say something, then you get to say something, etc...If it is anyones turn and they have food in their mouth they get skipped. Maybe if you play that "game" enough, eventually he won't have to occupy the whole conversation. You could even add a little silliness in there when it is your turn and just say something off the wall. Just a thought?



unicorn-tiff'smom

Ugh!!!! Food in the mouth. I am in the same boat as everyone here. Tiff inhales her food. Puts too much in at a time. Chews like a cow, because there is too much food in her mouth and she talks with food in her mouth. During dinner I must say what feels like 100 times, "cow" and then she chews with her mouth shut. I cut her meat so small now that she can't take such huge portions, but she still fills her fork up or just uses a spoon to get maximum amounts.

We love to talk at dinner, but we haven't either figured out how to get her table manners to be better.

I like JJ's game idea too.

[misty]

John

This may not be fesable for many people, but try VideoTaping them with there mouth full as they are trying to talk.
[image]
Annem, is it a problem that your son reverses his knife/fork ? Does it really make a difference besides it buggin' you ? [image]


annem

John ... no .. you are right .. the reversed cutlery isn't a big deal at all ... except for the fact (right again!! [image] ) that I just don't "get it" !!


unicorn-tiff'smom

I was always told to chew 50 times for each bite. I am lucky if Tiff chews 2 times lol.

But I didn't give her a spoon last night. She tried to pile her fork up with mashed potoatoes and I made her empty her fork and try again. I did that several times.


annem

jj I had totally forgotton (it was one of those things that I "knew" but had "forgotton" I knew if you know what I mean!) that in Europe we doooo eat differently than in the US ... i.e. our knife and fork are used consistently throughout the meal whereas in the US you only use the knife for cutting and then rest it and use the fork!! ... Hmmm ... so this puts a slightly different angle on it !! [image]

But moving onto the chewing for 32-50 times per mouthful ... I have tried hard to do this but my "mouthful" has completely disappeared thoroughly by this time and I am chewing NOTHING!!


jj

You know, just thinking about this manners thing and I remember my niece would get in these goofy stages...I think I mentioned in another post...like pretending she was a horse or cat and at the dinner table she would be doing all these noises while eating. I had forgotten about this. My sister would tell her to stop but she would just think it was funny (and laugh with her mouth wide open) and continue doing the noises. Thank goodness she seemed to pass out of this stage!!


katiekat

At least your kids are eating while they're talking. Mine is so busy talking he doesnt even think to eat.

[misty]

jj

Oh no! That is worrisome when they don't eat. Guess I would take the talking with the mouth full over worring whether my kid were getting enough nutrition.


misty

Maybe you could try a game. 5 minutes of eating could equal 5 minutes of talking. each time he talks during the eating time, he gets docked a minute of talking time. Or start with 3 minute intervals if 5 minutes seems too long.


katiekat

Great idea Misty! Im trying it tonight at dinner. Any ideas for keeping him from getting out of his seat 50 times besides me saying sit down 50 times??!!


misty

Duct tape???

[image] JUST KIDDING!!!

Hmm.....I'd work on the eating first. If you have too many orders being shot at him at once, he may not feel he can succeed at any & you'll end up accomplishing nothing.

Once you get the eating rules well established, I think I'd think of some reward for staying in his seat. If you are dessert people, maybe having dessert could be ONLY if he stays in his seat for the allotted time (maybe start with 15 minutes & up the time as he becomes able to do it). If not dessert, maybe his after dinner activites could be the reward. Whatever he likes to do. Some computer time, reading a story together. Some reward that doesn't cost money but is rewarding to him.



jj

I not sure if that is possible. LOL I know I can't stay seated very long or I'm squirming all over the place and I consider myself only a tiny bit hyper. I just get a urge to get up and it is almost painful if I don't. I know some parents just let their kids stand and eat. Not appropriate for eating out in a nice restaurant but for home...well??? And who knows, if you allow him to stand he may not find the urge to talk as much and maybe eat more??? Just a thought....

[misty]

INaBOX


Have him eat standing up .. as long as he stays at the table. He obviously can't sit still for long periods of time and if he's talking a lot during dinner time, I'm guessing it takes quite a long time by the time he's done. I think it's kind of mean to force a child to sit in his chair if he really physically can't. Maybe you can use this same method Misty just offered to you about the eating .. and combine it with the walking.

ie: eat/drink 3 minutes; walk/talk 3 minutes; eat/drink 3 minutes .. etc. See if it works.

Another idea that may work is to have him sit in a semi-inflated beach ball. This will give him the motion he may be needing. If it works well, you can replace the ball with a disc'o seat (cushion). My son uses one at school and it seems to work well.

OR

Try tying a theraband (you can buy them at fitness centers/stores) around the front two legs of his chair. Have him place his feet in between the theraband. This will give him the resistance he may need by kicking against it instead of having to get up out of his chair.

Just a few suggestions.



notellin

I wrote a list of 6 table manners in big writing and taped them on the wall so that he could see them while eating. Before dinner I had him read the rules. Then during dinner if he violated a rule, I asked him to get up, walk over to the rules and read rule number " " out loud. This changed his table manners from atrocious to barely acceptable. I think I did this for 6 months. Now I just repeat myself over and over at the table.


jj

I'm just curious. Does everyones kids act the same way out in public or do they use their table manners when eating out or in other homes? I ask because if they do use their manners than isn't that ultimately what a parent is teaching them manners for? Maybe at home it could be a bit more relaxed if indeed they are well behave outside the home??? Just a thought.



farrah

JJ you are right, my kids have good table manners away from home.

I solved the bouncing around by taking the food away and saying when your ready to sit and eat you can come back to the table....it worked for both daughters.

my problem is cheryl uses both her hands to eat with, and most evrything she considers finger food. its disqusting, watching her push food on to her spoon with one hand. so we know make her sit on her hand and only eat with one.

but i wonder if the band you mention would work with her arm.


notellin

My son's table manners are slightly better when we are out in public. He refrains from doing the really disgusting things, like licking the entire palm of his hand and fingers.

[misty]

alan

I find for my son with ADHD that his manners are very good but his behaviour can still be bad. I tend to try to play games with him when we sit to eat to occupy him or else he kicks off.
At the moment when he is finished he tries to bolt !!


Charlie Girl

My kids both have wonderful manners when in public or when we have guests. When its just the immediate family, its not too bad anymore but I do have to remind my son at times. I thought we'd never get there.

One thing I did was impress on him that the people you love and who love you should be treated with respect and courtesy more than strangers. Its show they are of value to you. I think that was what turned the corner with us as far as manners.

Now if my son would just learn to be respectful when talking with us, I'd be happy. I think he really doesn't realize what he sounds like and how he is coming across. He is just being himself at home. He still has problems with inappropriate comments towards others also, so that indicates that I am right. He doesn't like being embarassed so he wouldn't be that way if he realized he was.

unicorn-tiff'smom

Tiff has very good manners when we are out in public or when she is at a friends house. Misty - I do agree, I have taught her good manners overall, not just about eating. And we are a bit more relaxed at home too, then out in public. But she knows appropriate manners all around.